Law school hook up culture?

[Anonymous]

It was very different when I was in law school, OP. Many, many couples formed. I met my now DH when we were both summer associates at big firms -- that is another great time for meeting someone, as many couples formed then, so keep working to get a good job! I was single for a bit as a big law associate and I would say I am about a 7 all rounder, probably an 8 or 9 in the professional world, and honestly, before I turned 30, I could have dated anyone I wanted. It would have been harder after say 32, I think, and when it became clear to me and the firm that I was not partner material. Long story short -- one's personal "stock" rises and falls, its fluid rather than static, and you need to figure out when it has maximized. Kind of a funny way to think of it, but honestly, really pretty true.

[Anonymous]

I graduated 9 years ago and it was similar. But young 20 somethings everywhere would do the same thing. When my now husband started his first job out of college, it was the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know that I'd *want* to meet someone in law school because (a) you'd be competing with each other at school and in the job/summer associate market, and (b) you'd have to try to both get jobs in the same city after graduation. That could be tough - the market for lawyers isn't awesome these days anyway.

I went to business school locally. There was a little bit of hooking up, but mostly people just made good friends. I don't know of any marriages that came out of my 100-person MBA cohort except for the one between my good friend (outside of the program) and my classmate in the program - I introduced them. That might be your real opportunity for dating - introductions to people outside of your program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of the market value of women makes me want to upchuck. Revolting and a crick if sh-t.

it isn't a woman only concept.

men have a market value too.

market value doesn't literally mean dollars and cents. it is a place holder of how competitive you are in the dating pool in relation to others.

If you don't think competition exists in the dating pool, you are deluding yourself.

It is better to get smart and educated so you can optimize your mating strategy over being naive.

Yup. I'm an 8 married to a guy who was a 9 when we married and who's about a 6 now.

Damn how did he lose 1/3 of his value? just let himself go?

Gained 40 pounds, lost a lot of his sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any relatively recent law school grads (like within the last 10 years or so) on this board? If so, do you also notice how casual "dating" has become the norm in law schools? I am a 1L and, while I was very aware of the hook up lifestyle in college, I had hoped law school would be different. But people are so stressed and busy and have such tight schedules that they don't seem to prioritize relationships. Onle a few people have become actual boyfriend/girlfriend in my 1L class and I know for a fact that one couple is cheating on each other. The upperclassmen at my law school seem to participate in this hook up scene too, and I can think of very few relationships - maybe 3 off the top of my head.

I have a friend at UVA and he says the same thing.

Is this common?

It's extremely common, and I'd suggest staying out of it at all costs. Date outside of school. Focus on your work. Have fun. Don't get involved in the drama, it benefits no one.

[Anonymous]

I met DH when we were in law school, I was a 3L and he had transferred in as a 2L. We slept together on the first night we hooked up (that was NOT the norm for me, but I guess might have been for him), and in the morning he asked me on a date. And we were exclusive from that point on. We have been together since the late 90s. I had never done anything like that before, there was a hook up culture, but it seemed more like desperate girls trying to get boyfriends, willing to let them use them as a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was very different when I was in law school, OP. Many, many couples formed. I met my now DH when we were both summer associates at big firms -- that is another great time for meeting someone, as many couples formed then, so keep working to get a good job! I was single for a bit as a big law associate and I would say I am about a 7 all rounder, probably an 8 or 9 in the professional world, and honestly, before I turned 30, I could have dated anyone I wanted. It would have been harder after say 32, I think, and when it became clear to me and the firm that I was not partner material. Long story short -- one's personal "stock" rises and falls, its fluid rather than static, and you need to figure out when it has maximized. Kind of a funny way to think of it, but honestly, really pretty true.

It's so true. When my DH and I met I was 23 and he was 24. I was a cute, fit 1L at Georgetown with big boobs and great clothes (thanks mom and dad) and lots of confidence, and he was a skinny, awkward low-level congressional staffer with a degree from a no-name school and a minor drinking problem. I met him when I was coming off of a bad relationship with an alpha type, and his best friend was dating my best friend so it seemed convenient. It turned out DH was incredibly funny, sweet, and smart. Fast forward 15 years and he is a very successful lobbyist who has filled out but stays in shape and looks amazing. I am a frumpy, flabby mom-type with a crappy career and lingering PPD. We still make each other laugh every day and for some crazy reason he still thinks I am hot. I am so, so thankful to my 23-year-old self, because honestly I was not thinking long term when we met. I just fell in love, and got super super lucky. My DH claims he feels lucky too but I know if we were both single now he wouldn't give me a second look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just a little sad because it looks like all the men I like don't actually want to date me (just sleep with me) and because they have so many casual sex options because the other women seem to want casual sex, I don't get a chance at a relationship.

This is a collective action problem. Women need to stop having sex with men who don't want relationships. Except for the small percentage of women who want no strings attached se , most women hook up with guys in higher hopes the guy will decide he wants a relationship.

Women should instead only hook up with men who treat them as if they are dating, which means a prearranged one on one outing like dinner, a movie, etc. wait until you are in a relationship before having sex with the guy. Do not have sex with a guy in the hopes that the hook up will turn into a relationship.

Millennial women and younger need to stop putting up with this bs!

It isn't a collective action problem though. The high end of the female dating pool doesn't care if 5's, 6's, and 7's are giving it up easier because they'll still have guys at their SMV level at their beck and call.

The 5's, 6's, and 7's have to use sex to snag higher value women because they know they can' compete with higher value women otherwise.

The reason they have sex with a guy in the hopes of it turning into a relationship is because they instinctively know without it they have a tough time competing for the same men higher value women compete for.

If you look at the data, while men are ageist in who they find attractive (men as a whole find peak women attractiveness is at 22), women have zero sense of distribution. What I mean by this is for any given age slice, women think 80% of the guys are 'below average' in attractiveness.

So it is completely understanable why 5's, 6's, and 7's give it up to top 20% guys easily.

In fact given that that segment of women are out chasing a smaller slice of men, 5's/6's/7's who are less promiscuous should actually have their pick of the litter WITHIN the male population of similar value as not every 5,6,7 girl is chasing men of equal value.

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/02/12/hookinguprealities/the-most-attractive-women-have-the-least-casual-sex/

"the most attractive women have the least casual sex"

I don't believe this. I am ( in my opinion) a 6 or 7. I'm not sure how many others rate me buy I've never had issues getting men nor have I " given it up easily". I've always had great guys and waited at least 2 months for sex. I have two friends who are both ( in my opinion) drop dead gorgeous. One is a sloppy mess who only gets men because she gives it up easily. They never speak to her again or into as an FWB relationship. My other friend can get just about anyone but she sleeps with everyone. She is 26 and have slept with 100+ men and 11 women.

Not all " average looks" women sleep around or give it up easy. There are also drop dead beautiful women who sleep around because they can.