I thought it was crazy too, but hear me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's controversial, and trust me we have talked extensively about how this isn't "fixing" anything and he seems aware of that. It's more about what the PP said, his identity and our children's identities (who are both boys btw so would likely carry this on) are connected to this name and my husband (and I?) would rather them be connected to something we create and sustain. My maiden name wouldn't work at all so we'd create our own last name for the four of us. And to be honest, as tired as I already am thinking of the logistics of all this, I do kind of like the idea that we would be creating something that's just "ours" so that the poison of his family (and trust me, it's bad) isn't something we all were tied to.

Sounds great! Choose a name that suggests new beginnings, a journey.

Sojourner, Horizon, Walker.... I dunno. I hope you find something that feels right and sets your family on a new path. Remember, your sons will carry this forward. Give them a positive story, not just "well, Daddy can't stand his parents." It matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 my maiden name sounds terrible with my kids first name (think speech problem waiting to happen)

#2 moving to my family would sort of defeat the whole
Purpose of why we feel we might do this. We'd be aiming to create something that is new and tied to the four of us. We have a great relationship with my family but that would seem like we're really out to spite his family in my opinion.

#2, I don't see why that would be an issue.
- - I see no problem with it. I am sure the name stirs up horrible feelings.
- - DH should seek therapy as well. Not sure what happened but you, or he, do not want to have it replayed in your home. I know you both think it will not happen but with out the proper professional guidance the statistics are very high they will be replayed in your home when the trigger appears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm another poster who doesn't think it's ridiculous. Seems like a cosmetic change, but it might end up feeling like more than that. A lot of our identity is wrapped up in our names, at a conscious and subconscious level.

+1 I'm married so my name changed, but my brother almost did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's controversial, and trust me we have talked extensively about how this isn't "fixing" anything and he seems aware of that. It's more about what the PP said, his identity and our children's identities (who are both boys btw so would likely carry this on) are connected to this name and my husband (and I?) would rather them be connected to something we create and sustain. My maiden name wouldn't work at all so we'd create our own last name for the four of us. And to be honest, as tired as I already am thinking of the logistics of all this, I do kind of like the idea that we would be creating something that's just "ours" so that the poison of his family (and trust me, it's bad) isn't something we all were tied to.

I know someone who created a new name with her husband which consisted of bits of their four parents' first names. Of course they weren't rejecting their family but the point is that people do create new last names for their immediate families.