I thought it was crazy too, but hear me out.

[Anonymous]

It sounds drastic but I can't comment on the specifics.

I'd say if you do it, use your maiden name, and do it before the 3 yo begins school.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a small change which could have a huge positive impact.

[Anonymous]

I say do it. Women change their names all the time, it's a pain at first and then everyone gets used to it. Just come up with a stock statement "Due to family issues we decided to make a new start with a new name" or something like that. If people press, just tell them you don't care to discuss it further.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think people are more used to name changes than you anticipate. I had a colleague who just showed up one day and announced that, henceforth, she'd be known by a new name - first and last (and it wasn't a transgender situation). After a few weeks, it took, and life went on. I would tell DH that, if he later has a change of heart and wants to revert to his family name, you may or may not be on board, since it would be a bigger deal for you and the kids later. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why not just take the wife's last name?

[Anonymous]

"Since having kids, we've been wanting to create a name that reflects our family, so we decided to just go for it!"

More power to you!

[Anonymous]

What does his therapist think? Because if the emotions are this strong he should already be in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Seems like doing it will help your family. However, keep in mind that you will never be able to fully leave the old name behind. Lots of legal forms ask for all previous names or aliases, so your DH will always be somewhat reminded and your kids will always have that (albeit minor) paperwork complication.

[Anonymous]

No. This is weird and people will assume your husband is shady and hiding something.

[Anonymous]

OP, names are powerful. I strongly identify with my last name, so much so that I gave it to all my children as their middle name. If it makes your DH feel better, go for it. The younger the kids are, the better.

Can you find a name in your family tree that you like?

[Anonymous]

Ok, when I first read this, I thought it was ridiculous. BUT, then I started thinking, in Judaism, often when you recover from a serious illness or grave trauma, you change your Hebrew name, so that the "evil eye" can't find you. So,your husband has made it through the trauma of his family growing up, he should be granted the same peace and safety, and change his name too. I hope you find something beautiful for your family to use! (I hope this all made sense to u!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it!

My spouse came from a very abusive family, and changing their name was really meaningful to them. At the time I was reluctant, but I was wrong. Outward symbols can have a big inward impact.

The logistics aren't that hard. Go for it.

Agree. My dh's father ran out on the family, and his mom was abusive. When I was pregnant with our first, he wanted to change our last names. I wanted us to all have my name, but he didn't want to (pride, I guess). We chose a new, meaningful family name.

It wasn't that hard, and less people asked about it than we expected. Even dh's extended family accepted it quicker than we thought.

[Anonymous]

Unless your last name is Hitler or Dahmer or Bin Ladin - I see no reason to change the name.

He has no contact with his parents so

[Anonymous]

He has no contact with his parents so I don't know how much more distance he wants.

Obviously he is not over what ever happened to him. I think he needs therapy.

(sorry pressed the submit button too soon)

[Anonymous]

OP, your dh is not a strong person if he is still dealing with the parents issues as an adult. For people who doesn't have inner strength, sometimes little thing can have a lot of meaning. I would discuss with him first to find out how exactly it is going to help him with his issues. What name is he thinking about? Your family name or totally stranger name?