Vacation with childless friends = disaster

[Anonymous]

i hear ya! i went on vacation with a childless couple with my then three year old and they were so annoyed with her! sigh. they are actively trying to conceive so they will soon understand!!

[Anonymous]

Your friends don't sound like horrible.

It sounds like for the near future you should just vacation with the 3 of you.

I won't suggest you go with people with kids because they may not be able to accommodate your schedule either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

And had they tried to help you would still be complaining about them doing that wrong.

People tend to be blind to their own child's behavior so you saying it wasn't that bad means little. This is true of people with children as well.

Seems to me you went into this with the wrong attitude.

It's not on your friends to assist in your daughters tantrums.
They are not her parents or her babysitter.

Now is a good time for you to learn you don't get to be catered to by everyone because you've got a child.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds like you are frustrated with yourself and maybe a tiny bit frustrated at life with a toddler. Which is OK. Seems like you didn't realize how difficult this would be and when it didn't go as you planned you looked for someone to blame.

[Anonymous]

We have friends with a nearly 2 y/o. I am constantly amazed at how much they have to bend their will to hers. I'm not judging, really, just astounded that a tiny little person can have two adults running in circles. The terror in their eyes when she starts to get fussy... Honestly, if I ever thought I wanted kids, I would know now I don't.

We went camping with them. Once. We'll plan another trip together in about 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose idea was it?

Ours. Does that change anything?

I guess only if you misrepresented your family's needs at all.

Why would you even suggest this? Honestly. She has a 2 y.o. OF COURSE, there is going to be some accommodation.

OP, we've been in this situation (on both sides of the fence.) It's just one of those things. When they have kids, they'll understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

And had they tried to help you would still be complaining about them doing that wrong.

People tend to be blind to their own child's behavior so you saying it wasn't that bad means little. This is true of people with children as well.

Seems to me you went into this with the wrong attitude.

It's not on your friends to assist in your daughters tantrums.
They are not her parents or her babysitter.

Now is a good time for you to learn you don't get to be catered to by everyone because you've got a child.

I didn't see anything in OPs posts that suggested here need to be catered to. Quite the opposite, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They seem judgemental because they are ashamed they are barren. Try to draw up some sympathy.

OP did not say this.

What in the fuck? Barren? Oh my god, you are a pretentious asshole.

[Anonymous]

Either
You are being a helicopter parent and as a first time parent, needlessly hover over your only child
or
They are being indeed quite rude and selfish.

We visited and traveled with childless adults many times over the years, when DC1 and DC2 were little, and they NEVER gave us that vibe. We were also relatively flexible over nap, bedtimes and meals and the children went with the flow.

I understand that some children are not as flexible, so if yours is like this, maybe you should think twice about traveling and visiting with anybody.

[Anonymous]

I would NOT have gone on a vacation with a family with a young child as a childless/child free person. Period. Sounds like a disaster and zero fun.

You already knew you couldn't fully participate in a vacation with these friends, OP. I feel sorry for your (ex) friends.

Not my idea of fun. Not my idea of a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't anyone on here spell judgment correctly? It is clear you are all American English speakers, not Anglo. I realize I sound like a harpy but this just strikes me as weird at how frequently I see this misspelling, especially in a city full of attorneys.

And you don't sound fluent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it.

When I used to hang out with my childless friends and my kids were younger, I got the same reactions too.

They just didn't get it when I was always late and they had to wait for me. Or why my kids were cranky if we did something during their nap times, etc.

I think it's best to hang out with families at this time or if you do socialize with these friends, it is best to do so only on a limited basis.

Having kids is no excuse to always be late. Making people wait is rude. And why do you agree to do things with them during nap time? How about getting a babysitter if you can't get it together.

[Anonymous]

There is no excuse for being late. It is absolutely possible to get out of the house and be a few minutes early with 3 children. How do I know? I do it everyday.

[Anonymous]

I have suggested traveling with childless friends a few times and DH always says no. He knows it would be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't anyone on here spell judgment correctly? It is clear you are all American English speakers, not Anglo. I realize I sound like a harpy but this just strikes me as weird at how frequently I see this misspelling, especially in a city full of attorneys.

OP - I agree with a PP who said it is on you and your spouse to make the accommodations as much as possible in these settings. Your friends do sound somewhat pissy but I think they just didn't know what it would entail, and were taken aback. It also strikes me that there may be a dynamic in this couple that one may be more anti-child than the other and there is some need for the more child-friendly one to show solidarity. My two cents, which is probably not very useful anyway.

It might be autocorrect. I am an attorney - a litigator, at that - and every now and then I don't catch that iPhone has autocorrected my "judgment" to "judgement" in an email to a client. Makes me feel like a total tool.