Vacation with childless friends = disaster

[Anonymous]

Funny....I know my husband and I were all judgmental with my sister's kids. We're eating crow now! Your friends will apologize/laugh at themselves in a couple of years. But sorry you're going through this - no fun.

[Anonymous]

I would never have planned a vacation like that when my kids were little. Who wants to spend their "vacation" keeping the baby quiet in the morning so that the grown ups can sleep in, or trying to keep the baby "good" in a child UN-friendly restaurant, or worrying that the baby's fussing is frazzling someone's nerves or that the baby is being "bratty" for napping regularly at noon, or the baby's diaper is too smelly....ugh, no thanks.

Granted I would not have eagerly signed up to go on a vacation like that when I was single and wanted to sleep in, go to nice restaurants, etc. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny....I know my husband and I were all judgmental with my sister's kids. We're eating crow now! Your friends will apologize/laugh at themselves in a couple of years. But sorry you're going through this - no fun.

Not necessarily. Friends may manage their own kids better or not have them at all.

[Anonymous]

I can totally relate to both sides - I remember having brunch with some friends when we had a 6 week old that we handed off to a babysitter and they brought along their 3 yr old and 18 mo (decided against a sitter) - their kids were awful - I almost left the table in tears b/c I was so tired and these kids would.not.stop.yelling. Flash forward - I have a 3 yr old and 18 mo and sympathize - that said, I would never ever take my children to brunch with other friends - timing is bad, restaurants with small children are hard, etc. We've all been there - to salvage the vacation - I think you and your are going to have to divide and conquer at this point - one stays home with napping child while other joins friends - then one stays home at bedtime with kid and the other goes out - good luck!

[Anonymous]

How often did your kid mess up the plans?

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't understand the exact problem. OP, what types of accommodations did you have to make for your daughter? I'm having a hard time figuring out how you couldn't make it work without troubling the rest of the group. You're all out and about, and it's nap time. If nobody is ready to go home, you take your daughter home to nap; they stay out. If they insist on eating at a fancy restaurant where you couldn't possibly bring your child, one of you stays home with the kid. And entertainment? What exactly are you talking about?

Maybe your friends were still judgy and resentful even though you were able to do all of the above. Or maybe you invited your friends on your trip to Disney World, where it should be expected that it's a kid-centered vacation (why would they agree to go?). I don't get it...could you elaborate on the problems you ran into?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't understand the exact problem. OP, what types of accommodations did you have to make for your daughter? I'm having a hard time figuring out how you couldn't make it work without troubling the rest of the group. You're all out and about, and it's nap time. If nobody is ready to go home, you take your daughter home to nap; they stay out. If they insist on eating at a fancy restaurant where you couldn't possibly bring your child, one of you stays home with the kid. And entertainment? What exactly are you talking about?

Maybe your friends were still judgy and resentful even though you were able to do all of the above. Or maybe you invited your friends on your trip to Disney World, where it should be expected that it's a kid-centered vacation (why would they agree to go?). I don't get it...could you elaborate on the problems you ran into?

She won't elaborate. She just wants to bitch about her horribly insensitive CHILDLESS friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of two kids.

The truth is that people who do not have kids do not understand the 24/7 commitment and focus of being with children. Even if these people are very loving and enjoy kids, their interactions with children is for a very limited time. My grown up niece can take care of my kids for a couple of hours - taking them to the park or movies - but would be exhausted if she had to be there for them for 24 hours.

So, do not blame your friends. They are not at the life stage that you are at. It is not nice to vilify them if they found your child's needs exasperating, especially when they were on a vacation and had expectations of enjoying it and going with the flow.

OP, I blame you and not your friends. They have no idea what being a parent means, but you should have known better! Why would you include them in your vacation plans when you know that you will be responsible for your child and your pace will be different than yours?

Not so fast. Maybe they do have an idea what it means, and that's why they choose not to have children. So perhaps they get resentful because they choose not to have children and still have to have their vacation dominated by someone else's kid.

I would actually never agree to this kind of trip. I don't have kids, and one doesn't have to have kids to realize a toddler is a lot of work and can cause disruptions.

But maybe since OP ASKED them, they assumed OP was going to try to accommodate her toddler in a way that didn't really affect them -- like other PPs have suggested (i.e. OP stays behind with toddler for naps, tantrums, et cetera).

Who knows. But I'm sure OP's friends would entitle their thread "Vacation with 2-year-old = disaster" or at the least "Vacation with 2-year-old = not really a vacation."

[Anonymous]

OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

[Anonymous]

hahahahaha, of course!! What a ridiculous idea. Really Op, you couldn't have figured that out ahead of time?

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, you sound like you've bren more than accommodating. I wasn't sure until you just posted back. I wish your friends weren't so self-centered, but they are. Take it with a grain of salt and know that the next time you make plans with them, even to just hang out, or just move along. It's hard to relate anymore on both sides of the equation.

[Anonymous]

OP, after reading your update it doesn't sound like anything horrible has happened. Perhaps just a few innocuous comments that aren't what you want to hear, of course, but sounds like you are making the best of it.
Especially if you have your own quarters, which you said you do, it's probably just a lesson for everyone (and all of us) that it's just not worth it with a 2 year old.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

Seems like they wouldn't say anything like that unless you were complaining about being tired. Were you the ones kind of putting out a 'we're so tired, wish we could hang more but dd is xyz' vibe on the trip? If so could they have been picking up on that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - obviously should've been more specific. We actually haven't forced our friends to do anything. We have left restaurants by ourselves, done our own meals mostly, and handled naptime alone while everyone does their thing. It's really mostly just that the friends are grumpy and judgmental about us not hanging out with then as much as we would have pre-kid, and make comments (totally serious) about how we should use Benadryl to put her to sleep (we're going through a tough sleep phase) or would never take their future children to a restaurant or on a plane until they are 5). They are especially judgy when she is cranky and demanding (ever met a 2 year old who isn't somewhat demanding?) but she's also been really sweet and fun a lot of the trip. Yes. She cries sometimes. But we aren't sharing a room or house and we've never let it get to the point where it ruins a meal (at least the few we've had together.) "Making an effort" in my original post refers to suggesting things that would accommodate both of our schedules/situations or simply giving a sympathetic look or trying to help out if we are having a tough time.

I get it from their perspective - just a new experience I was sharing and venting about since I haven't traveled with childless friends since DD came along. We did do a weeklong trip with friends with kids this year which was far less stressful. I just really think folks with kids are going to be naturally more in tune with the flow and flexibility you need when vacationing with a child. Don't think that should be too controversial.

We might be reading too much into it as well - we are both the type to bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and just might feel awkward that we have to pay attention to something other than our friends during the trip.

They sound impatient and thoughtless. Obviously they knew that you have a 2 year old and that you were bringing your 2 year old and that if they were going to actually vacation *with* you they would be dealing with a 2 year old. You don't need the eye rolls, sighs and "looks" from these folks. They sound really rude.

[Anonymous]

We were the childless couple that thought we could continue our group OBX vacations after our friends had kids. After 2 years of that, we told everyone (nicely) that we were out. Fast forward a couple years and now none of them like to vacation with each other because none of them can stand each other's kids and parenting styles. Ha.