+1 |
Wow PP, you're obviously working through your own issues, but you should probably start your own thread on your own story, instead of jumping in OPs thread and throwing out a bunch of unsupported accusations. Of course we don't know all the details of OPs situation. But guess what, neither do you (unless you're her DH!). So your assumptions and extreme leaps in your post are uncalled for and totally unproductive. Start your own thread since you've obviously got a situation you haven't gotten over yet. |
| Drill him up the ass |
| OP -- try to work through it. I did with my DH when he cheated. We went to counseling and worked through some issues. I couldn't stand the thought of some other woman getting my man and then for me to be left alone to raise a kid. I know you're probably angry and it's not your fault, but it is your life and do the best for yourself. Not everyone has to get divorced when there is cheating. |
| You two are sexually incompatible. It was never going to work out. |
It sounds like there is alot more going on other than the cheating. OP has every right to walk. |
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OP he sounds like he has poor impulse control. Nothing wrong with drawn-out sex sometimes, but god, every time he expects you to wear a stripper getup and watch porn? Yeah, that's not an "every time" thing. You are really making me feel lucky about my DH (who loves sex and would happily have it every day if we could, but who is reasonable about our limited time and doesn't blame me when we aren't having it as frequently as he'd like -- realistically with two little ones under 3, we probably average once every two weeks whereas before it was twice a week!). Not humblebrag, just goes to show you CAN find a good man who doesn't act like a horny teenager and then blame you for not living up to his every fantasy and retaliate by having an affair.
I guess I am saying: this man is not compatible with you, and he is immature and sounds like he wants lots of risk (affairs, gambling, etc). You really are better off without someone like that in your life. |
Your generalizations aren't helpful. We all know 'people' justify cheating all the time. Those justifications lack merit. Nothing justifies it. |
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OP here was humored by the spa weekend tangent, I do get a massage twice a year when I am at a work conference does that count? I don't care about material stuff that much. He has to drive luxury car and has a motorcycle. He had a minor accident Saturday on his motorcycle and broke his wrist and is on crutches. Yes, he went on that date despite the accident taking place the day before.
I did pull up cell records, he was texting to something that looked like yahoo messenger for a few days about a month ago. Then it moved to a real cell number tons of texts starting a few weeks ago. No texting since the big discover. And one pp mentioned about him probably earning alot less than me, spot on, he quit a solid job five years ago and has not been able to work steady ever since, he has had contract and short term jobs but nothing permenent. One year he did not work at all but was "looking." He is currently on a six month consulting job but that will end too. So yes, his impulse issues also impacted career as well. Trying to keep it together this week as I am a few days from a 2 week work vacation. |
OP, I am so sorry you're going through this. I think it's important for you to think about what you want and what would be best for you, in addition to what would be best for your family. How old are your kids? If you divorce, it sounds like it's possible that you could end up responsible for child support given his income instability. It also sounds like he has a demonstrated history of poor decisionmaking skills and impulse control. It also sounds like he deflects and blames you for problems. If you are amenable to counseling, these are things that could probably be addressed there. In your posts, however, it sounds like there are other issues and that maybe you are not interested in resolving them so much as ending the marriage and moving on. Either way, peace be with you during this awful time. |
OK, so my point about "spa weekends" was wholly untrue. Seems he has champagne tastes and a beer budget/work ethic. I bet he is convinced you're holding him back somehow. Seems in addition to the cheating he is of limited use as a provider/household partner ... Good luck. He either needs to be a fantastic provider, a fantastic husband, or good at both. |
| The guy went on a date and you guys have them divorced already. It sounds like there have been marital issues, and now you're being forced to confront them. It could be much worse. It sounds like you can work though it if you want to. I'd ignore most of the posts here, and move on with fixing it. |
Yeah oddly enough we seem to be concerned that the married guy went on a date. In addition to being an underemployed compulsive gambler. Lots of reasons to stay with that gem of a guy! |
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I love when the cheater immediately starts the "Oh we should go to counseling" bullshit.
If he/she wasn't caught, they'd be banging out whoever they were messing with next chance they got. |
I forgot about the double standard here, if it was switched, it'd be "he was ignoring her, all she did was meet up for coffee" etc. You're right, instead of working on the relationship, throw him out, screw the kids, and take him for everything, is much better advice. |