Just found out husband cheating he texted me instead of her by accident

[Anonymous]

As someone who used to work for a family law firm:

Gather all evidence you can- try to get into his phone and screenshot all the texts and send them to yourself. Make sure you lock and protect your iPhone and back up everything. You need to email them to yourself and have them stored permanently in multiple accounts in case he manages to get into one of your accounts.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. This is a major negotiation asset.

See a lawyer immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to leave him, don't take the kids and leave the house. YOU stay in the house with the kids.

Make him leave the house, either by agreeing, or by packing up his stuff and getting an Oakwood apartment for him, depositing it there, and changing the locks.

Sorry, OP.

What are you talking about? She said she knew what she needed to do -- which is to give him more sex!

She doesn't get the kids, btw. It doesn't work that way.

So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine.

Maybe she wasn't giving it to him because she was stressed out with work and kids, and he wasn't doing enough to relieve *her* stress. You have no idea what was going on in that marriage except that he cheated on her.

Ignore this troll. It's the persistent bitter misogynist. He says the same thing every thread -- any problem is the woman's fault for not giving enough sex or asking that the husband be a partner in any way. She should just be a slave, and otherwise he can/should leave her. He's crazy and boring.

x3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here thanks I strangely feel better sharing this with someone. The presentation went fine.

I know its not my fault. It is a choice to cheat. Any problems in my marriage are joint, I play a role and so does he. We have had problems and ups and downs like most and yet I never cheated. However, it is not on me what he choose to do next. If you are hungry and go to Safeway and steal, it is still wrong. I think its a coward's way out to just try to find someone else.

Part of me thinks he maybe wanted me to see it? Who would be that stupid to text wife instead of love interest. I am grateful I didn't have to suffer not knowing.

Thanks for support.

Everything you said above is spot-on.

Cheaters choose to cheat.

Real men work out problems--and if they cannot be solved they leave the relationship BEFORE they lie and cheat.

I have zero respect for a cheater. It would forever change the way I looked at them.

[Anonymous]

What did the text say OP? Are you sure it was a first time meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, he does sound like a coward so his txting may have been intentional...or Freudian or something other than just an accident.

Has your husband been trying to communicate about this? Be sure to communicate on your terms. And listen to PP who said to keep a journal. It's amazing the detail you'll forget, how you'll forget the timing, etc.

I wouldn't normally recommend bringing the other woman into the situation but since you said you thought it was a first meeting, I would suggest considering reaching out to her (he obviously has her number since he was trying to txt her) to let her know the man she just met up with is married with kids and you'd appreciate her stepping off.

I would definitely be contacting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, he does sound like a coward so his txting may have been intentional...or Freudian or something other than just an accident.

Has your husband been trying to communicate about this? Be sure to communicate on your terms. And listen to PP who said to keep a journal. It's amazing the detail you'll forget, how you'll forget the timing, etc.

I wouldn't normally recommend bringing the other woman into the situation but since you said you thought it was a first meeting, I would suggest considering reaching out to her (he obviously has her number since he was trying to txt her) to let her know the man she just met up with is married with kids and you'd appreciate her stepping off.

I would definitely be contacting her.

Get phone records her number will be on the bill.

You can use that to trace her too (find records, family, address, employer) if you want to find out about her first. I got all of that through just a number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did the text say OP? Are you sure it was a first time meet?

If it was--it seems they got busy very quick

Does he have an online dating account---start snooping. May have been on some 'meet-up/get to know dates' first.

I find it unusal they'd have sex for four hours the first time they met. But- I'm not a cheater and have been out of the dating scene for two decades.

[Anonymous]

What's the benefit of talking to the OW? Curious. The dh will say it's not about her it's his issues?

[Anonymous]

"So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine."

It's one time thing because he was CAUGHT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, he does sound like a coward so his txting may have been intentional...or Freudian or something other than just an accident.

Has your husband been trying to communicate about this? Be sure to communicate on your terms. And listen to PP who said to keep a journal. It's amazing the detail you'll forget, how you'll forget the timing, etc.

I wouldn't normally recommend bringing the other woman into the situation but since you said you thought it was a first meeting, I would suggest considering reaching out to her (he obviously has her number since he was trying to txt her) to let her know the man she just met up with is married with kids and you'd appreciate her stepping off.

I would definitely be contacting her.

Get phone records her number will be on the bill.

You can use that to trace her too (find records, family, address, employer) if you want to find out about her first. I got all of that through just a number.

OP, don't let posters talk you into stalking this woman who may know nothing about you. Just focus on yourself and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So, it was her fault, right? She should just forgive him this one time he cheated and do what he wants, then all would be fine."

It's one time thing because he was CAUGHT.

My wife cheated because I was supposedly a jerk and she had pent up resentment and we went to therapy and it worked out. So why would this be different? There may be slightly different facts but people cheat for different reasons. Some are weak and forgiveness can work sometimes. A marriage is a long time.

[Anonymous]

I'm just so sorry, OP. He's a selfish weakling. I'm so sorry he hurt you like this.

[Anonymous]

I'm just so sorry, OP. He's a selfish weakling. I'm so sorry he hurt you like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sorry, OP. He's a selfish weakling. I'm so sorry he hurt you like this.

Not helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP here it basically said it was the best lunch ever and he could kiss her for hours and not just a peck and that he is really hoping to see her again. Said that he was very hot for her and that she was a knockout and that he hoped she was "moist" too. Said something about bringing vibrating panties next time. Said he wants to get together for fun but doesn't have to be actual sex? Overall was tough text to receive as I was helping kids with school stuff. My sense it was all in a public place and he left wanting more.

I am not contacting anyone except I have appointment with my therapist I used to see on Friday, I am focusing on what I want and what will be good for me and for kids. There are past issues (not cheating but serious) and this is the last straw for me.

He texted me today saying that he knows he hurt me, knows he is wrong but that there are things I have done that made him lost trust and that he wants to go to a counselor. I am feeling pretty done and don't have any desire to hash out further when I really think my future is better without him. The things he keeps bringing up are again the sex issue and also that I have been paying or my sisters and my nephews cell phones for the last few years because she is really broke and I want to help her, I added two lines to my cell account. I also pay for his mom's phone btw. This is all small amounts of $ compared to the thousands he threw away away gambling in 2 trips to Vegas that I did not approve of.

The sex is up and down. When its good its really good. He is really good in bed and very giving. However, no matter how often it is whether is weekly, twice week or more...its never enough, if its 20 minutes he wants long drawn out affair every time, if I wear nice lingerie he wants stripper shoes and a vibrator and wants to watch porn on top of all that. I'm open to that and we have watched in past but I don't want my sex life to resume a porno. He has talked about adding more excitement and passion but I am really happy with how things are. I want to feel like *I* am enough. I am in good shape and dress nice and take care of self. I am good at my job and make great money, and I am good mom. I know I deserve alot more and I am to the point that I'd really rather be alone than deal with his constant issues. I am waiting to discuss this with him until we have a time without kids and also not at home where things can escalate.

Thanks folks for sharing your stories, I know this is a common issue helps to realize that.