10 year old nephew crying when left with moms boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about this. Tell your sister to go 2 full weeks of never letting your son and her BF to be alone. Not for a minute. See if he asks to watch him or asks her to run grocery shopping, spend the night as a "family" or anything that looks like he may want him alone. THAT could be very telling.

That is something for OP to try, but not before or instead of asking the 10 yr old directly what is going on and why he gets so upset. That has to be the #1 next step, who knows how serious the situation is. If OP's sister isn't taking it seriously, someone needs to just ask the kid and find out as much as he'll tell, and hopefully take whatever next steps are necessary.

Really wish OP could offer to be the childcare instead of boyfriend, but for many reasons (schedule, logistics, etc) that may not be possible. But if it is possible, that would probably help a LOT to both protect the nephew if anything is going on, and also uncover what upsets the nephew so much about BF.

I agree with asking but he may not tell the truth. This is another way to investigate.

[Anonymous]

The mere fact that he picked up the phone to call you and attempting to reach to someone he trusts and can help (you) is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Protect this child even if it ruins other relationships. After you protect him read protecting the gift. Book.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't going to pipe in on this, but it's been bothering me all week.

Most people don't understand the statistics. 75-90% of children who are sexually abused are victimized by SOMEONE THAT THEY KNOW.

So all the people who won't let their kids walk home from school, are only protecting them from 10% of the danger.

If this young man is screaming bloody murder, please believe him.

I was abused by my stepfather until I was 10. My mom then got a new man. I was taped by my stepbrother. I screamed bloody murder at first , but no one believed me so I shut up. I was already a good victim because of my stepfather, so I did as I was told. I was finally almost 40 before I put into words what happened to me. My counsellor held me while I bawled like an infant. I spent three days in bed.

There is NO reason to not take this boy seriously, even if he won't put into words what he is upset about. A 10 year old won't "tell" if he thinks a trusted or loved adult will get in trouble. He needs to just be heard, even if he won't point a finger/ explain. He is a scared child. Believe him.

[Anonymous]

Is there a chance he is not getting abused and just trying to manipulate the mom/boyfriend status.
Absolutely.

Is that a change I am going to risk and not get to the absolute bottom of it by talking, investigating, spying and more. Never.

If my child was still having issues even if nothing came up and I couldn't figure out why. Would I leave the boyfriend?
Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was molested by a relative, at about that age, and one of the hardest things for him to deal with as an adult is that he would literally cry and throw a fit when his parents left him with this relative and they kept doing it anyhow. He was telling everyone the only way he could, and no one was listening. I would try and track down the father, a school counselor, or CPS immediately. Some parents refuse to face the truth. My husband's parents didn't immediately believe him when he told them what had happened, and he was an adult at the point.

Not this poster, but please re-read her response.
It's telling.

And think about this.
How many of our grown men husbands would jump at the chance to babysit a 10-year-old boy??
Not many!!!

I want to point out that it's not crazy for an adult male to be willing to babysit a 10 year old boy. I think OP is right to be alarmed by this particular situation, but not merely because the man agreed to babysit the boy. PP, my husband would willingly babysit our relatives' and friends' children if needed. Not sure where you're getting "jump at the chance," but I think it's important to point out that plenty of men watch over children every day and have no reason to be looked at sideways.

Willing or interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was molested by a relative, at about that age, and one of the hardest things for him to deal with as an adult is that he would literally cry and throw a fit when his parents left him with this relative and they kept doing it anyhow. He was telling everyone the only way he could, and no one was listening. I would try and track down the father, a school counselor, or CPS immediately. Some parents refuse to face the truth. My husband's parents didn't immediately believe him when he told them what had happened, and he was an adult at the point.

Not this poster, but please re-read her response.
It's telling.

And think about this.
How many of our grown men husbands would jump at the chance to babysit a 10-year-old boy??
Not many!!!

I want to point out that it's not crazy for an adult male to be willing to babysit a 10 year old boy. I think OP is right to be alarmed by this particular situation, but not merely because the man agreed to babysit the boy. PP, my husband would willingly babysit our relatives' and friends' children if needed. Not sure where you're getting "jump at the chance," but I think it's important to point out that plenty of men watch over children every day and have no reason to be looked at sideways.

Willing or interested.

While we are the minority, men who are actually interested in their children are a growing demographic. While we have to be more cautious than ever, it is becoming more acceptable for men to be child caretakers so men are more willing to show interest in childcare. And it's not just whether women accept men as child caretakers, it's often the mentality of if other men will consider male caretakers as masculine enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was molested by a relative, at about that age, and one of the hardest things for him to deal with as an adult is that he would literally cry and throw a fit when his parents left him with this relative and they kept doing it anyhow. He was telling everyone the only way he could, and no one was listening. I would try and track down the father, a school counselor, or CPS immediately. Some parents refuse to face the truth. My husband's parents didn't immediately believe him when he told them what had happened, and he was an adult at the point.

Not this poster, but please re-read her response.
It's telling.

And think about this.
How many of our grown men husbands would jump at the chance to babysit a 10-year-old boy??
Not many!!!

I want to point out that it's not crazy for an adult male to be willing to babysit a 10 year old boy. I think OP is right to be alarmed by this particular situation, but not merely because the man agreed to babysit the boy. PP, my husband would willingly babysit our relatives' and friends' children if needed. Not sure where you're getting "jump at the chance," but I think it's important to point out that plenty of men watch over children every day and have no reason to be looked at sideways.

Willing or interested.

While we are the minority, men who are actually interested in their children are a growing demographic. While we have to be more cautious than ever, it is becoming more acceptable for men to be child caretakers so men are more willing to show interest in childcare. And it's not just whether women accept men as child caretakers, it's often the mentality of if other men will consider male caretakers as masculine enough.

this may be true but is not the point of this post. Child called across country for help, is crying hysterically. Children have been told to communicate with an adult when there is trouble. She must not ignore this child's reaching out to her, no matter what, or she becomes complicit in whatever may or may not be the problem here. There is a problem and she knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't going to pipe in on this, but it's been bothering me all week.

Most people don't understand the statistics. 75-90% of children who are sexually abused are victimized by SOMEONE THAT THEY KNOW.

So all the people who won't let their kids walk home from school, are only protecting them from 10% of the danger.

If this young man is screaming bloody murder, please believe him.

I was abused by my stepfather until I was 10. My mom then got a new man. I was taped by my stepbrother. I screamed bloody murder at first , but no one believed me so I shut up. I was already a good victim because of my stepfather, so I did as I was told. I was finally almost 40 before I put into words what happened to me. My counsellor held me while I bawled like an infant. I spent three days in bed.

There is NO reason to not take this boy seriously, even if he won't put into words what he is upset about. A 10 year old won't "tell" if he thinks a trusted or loved adult will get in trouble. He needs to just be heard, even if he won't point a finger/ explain. He is a scared child. Believe him.

I'm very sorry you went through this. And I completely agree with what you're saying to OP. I hope she listens to you.

[Anonymous]

i cannot believe anyone would even ask this question, I cannot read this entire thread-did OP speak up for this poor boy?

[Anonymous]

CPS is investigating. Hopefully, my sister will see reason. ----OP

[Anonymous]

You're not over-reacting.

If the kid's dad is in the pic, tell him about this. Otherwise, alert the authorities. Something's going on there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bf has been around for awhile. At least a year, and this behaviour is new. Bf has also pulled some spectacular stunts in the past, getting stoned, coming home drunk, etc. I'm wondering if kid is being asked to keep secrets or else is being left alone as bf goes out, etc.

Deal breakers for me, kids or no kids. Come home stoned once, you're out on your backside in the street after I notify the police. Come home drunk and you get ONE talking-to after you've sobered down at the police station. Come home drunk a second time, you're out.

I can't even image involving a child in anything like that.

Call the relevant authorities now. At best, the guy is setting a horrible example for your nephew, one you don't want him to ever follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CPS is investigating. Hopefully, my sister will see reason. ----OP

Thanks for the update. Please come back and update us again when you have additional information. Despite the nasty and negative overall tone of DCUM, I think many here would love to hear that something was done to figure out if and what help that boy needs.

[Anonymous]

any news OP? your poor nephew, I hope your mom or grandmother also get s involved in helping this poor boy.