10 year old nephew crying when left with moms boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course I would be alarmed. Can you talk to your sister?

I'm a single mom and I understand that leaving children with care takers is necessary. Does she have options other than boyfriend or is he convenient? I hope that your nephew is just going through a phase and there is nothing serious going on, but listen to your instincts. This is one of the reasons I don't even date much. I really don't know if I would ever be able to leave my child with someone else. I know that a lot of people do, and it's perfectly fine. It's my issue mainly, but I'm just being overly protective.

You can leave your child with lots of people. But if your child starts crying when you leave at the age of 10, that is a big huge red flag!! Especially if that person is your boyfriend. Find a nice neighbor lady or grandma or female college student or the list goes on.

Your boyfriend should be interested in spending time with YOU, not in watching your 10 year old child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course an instinct is to jump to conclusions (especially since you mention the BF's tainted background) but a lot has to do with the child and you know him.

Is this a new relationship? What is his relationship with his father? Could he be acting out in attempt to push the BF out of the family dynamic? I can think of 10 year olds I know who would pitch a fit to manipulate situations.

I don't think that matters. Even if the kid is pitching a fit to not be left with the Boyfriend, I think mom should honor that. Mom's Boyfriend should NOT be the daycare provider for her 10 year old. It's just not a good idea.

I agree. Sounds like he is dumped often. Why couldn't he go in the car to drive the grandmother home?

[Anonymous]

Because he had school Monday and great grandmother lives 3 hours away. Mom stayed overnight at her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course I would be alarmed. Can you talk to your sister?

I'm a single mom and I understand that leaving children with care takers is necessary. Does she have options other than boyfriend or is he convenient? I hope that your nephew is just going through a phase and there is nothing serious going on, but listen to your instincts. This is one of the reasons I don't even date much. I really don't know if I would ever be able to leave my child with someone else. I know that a lot of people do, and it's perfectly fine. It's my issue mainly, but I'm just being overly protective.

You can leave your child with lots of people. But if your child starts crying when you leave at the age of 10, that is a big huge red flag!! Especially if that person is your boyfriend. Find a nice neighbor lady or grandma or female college student or the list goes on.

Your boyfriend should be interested in spending time with YOU, not in watching your 10 year old child.

I agree with everything you said. It's my own paranoia that prevents me from trusting anyone.

[Anonymous]

Another single mom here. BIG OL' RED FLAG. Poor boy.

[Anonymous]

Its possible that the boyfriend is verbally and/or physically abusing your nephew. It needs to be stopped. I hope you will talk to your sister. The thing that upsets me is that boy probably doesn't feel safe with this guy. It made me really sad when I read that he had a meltdown when his mom was leaving him with the boyfriend OVERNIGHT. Poor kid

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest that, if this were my family and my sister relayed this to me and wasn't responding to her son's distress, I would do one of two things. Either 1) contact CPS or 2)offer to have nephew come live with me for school year (or perhaps both).

Someone needs to advocate for this child, because his mother has on blinders. I don't have time to search at this instant, but the stats are frightening--the percentage of abusers who are mom's boyfriend is so high.

Believe me, I am sympathetic to the plight of the single mom; I am one myself, and kid's dad is deceased so it's 100% me. I have worked very hard to build a network of fellow moms, joined sitting co-ops, and ultimately also moved to be near extended family. And it's still tough, so I get that she's in a tough place. Is there anything you could do from where you are to help sis build a similar village?

I worry for your nephew and thank you for looking out for him.

[Anonymous]

I live across country. Right now, I don't know what's up. Waiting to hear from her. She knows I don't have the highest opinion of her bf so I don't know how much she will discount what I tell her. I was in a similar situation and mainly ignored what I was told for years, to my shame, mostly because I felt like everyone disapproved of my husband. I told her that as well....if I have to, I'll contact her ex and let him know what's up.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if her ex (nephew's dad) is in the picture, then making him aware of the situation makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

Can you talk to your nephew? I mean a real talk where you can assure him that you want to help him and that his behavior has you very worried. He needs to have someone to confide in - whether its just that he's uncomfortable, he's being hurt, he's upset, whatever.

[Anonymous]

School counselor, tomorrow. The counselor will know him, or at least can find out about him, and whether this is in character, or whether something else is going on. The counselor will have a good sense of whether CPS should be called. Which it sounds like that might be a possibility. I hope things turn out for the best.

[Anonymous]

My husband was molested by a relative, at about that age, and one of the hardest things for him to deal with as an adult is that he would literally cry and throw a fit when his parents left him with this relative and they kept doing it anyhow. He was telling everyone the only way he could, and no one was listening. I would try and track down the father, a school counselor, or CPS immediately. Some parents refuse to face the truth. My husband's parents didn't immediately believe him when he told them what had happened, and he was an adult at the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was molested by a relative, at about that age, and one of the hardest things for him to deal with as an adult is that he would literally cry and throw a fit when his parents left him with this relative and they kept doing it anyhow. He was telling everyone the only way he could, and no one was listening. I would try and track down the father, a school counselor, or CPS immediately. Some parents refuse to face the truth. My husband's parents didn't immediately believe him when he told them what had happened, and he was an adult at the point.

Sorry, to clarify--the abuse stopped when he was a teenager, but in terms of the emotional consequences (he was in therapy for a long time), the failure of adults in his life to recognize what was going on and respond to his literal cries for help was as traumatizing to him as the actual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking something is going on?

NO you are witnessing an enormous red flag!

How many times must we hear of the abuses "mom's boyfriend" commit?

My heart goes out to your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking something is going on?

NO you are witnessing an enormous red flag!

How many times must we hear of the abuses "mom's boyfriend" commit?

My heart goes out to your nephew.

There was another thread that said that the mom's boyfriend is the one most likely to be causing abuse, not a stranger. A 10yo boy crying hard is a big red flag. I'm surprised that your sister hasn't been concerned.