My wife does not want to have sex because the baby.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked. Am I the only female that couldn't, and didn't, wait the standard 6 weeks to have sex?

I waited exactly the 6 weeks, after I got clearance from my doctor. I don't get all these wives who selfishly bail on the marriage once they have a kid.

Bc oftentimes it isn't for selfish reasons. It's hormones, it's feeling touched-out having a baby on you (and your boob) all day, it's being exhausted, it's having a birth-related injury that needs to heal, it's feeling self-conscious from the body changes of pregnancy and childbirth, it's <gasp> other women having many experiences that differ from your own that also feel equally valid. Congrats on wanting to get right back to it -- glad that happened for you -- but don't knock other women by calling them selfish bc they have a harder road returning to their former drive.

Everything's not all about you though, or the baby. You forget about the husband at your own peril. Look at that baby and think: Do I want to raise him in a broken home? Eventually men who don't have sex in their marriage leave it.

Fortunately, I didn't marry a dirtbag, and the year or so postpartum doesn't equate to a sexless marriage forever. We made a decision to have a child together and he got it that I went through physical, hormonal and emotional changes he would never have to experience in order for us to build our family. We got back to it, eventually, but not bc I felt pressured or fearful that my husband would stray. I'm sorry if you didn't have/ offer the same support in your relationship.

+1

And my husband does not cheat. To other posters--don't assume all men have sky-high sex drives can can't wait to have sex again even if it is months and months.

[Anonymous]

DW and I had sex 1-2x per week before she got pregnant with DC2. We had sex maybe 3 times during her pregnancy. Then not at all for the first 2 or 3 months after that. Then after the first year we got it up to once a month. It didn't get better through about year 6, at which time we were at about once every 6 weeks.

We had a brief spike in our sex life when she read 50 Shades of Gray -- about twice a week for two months. Now we're back down to twice a month. I encourage her to read more erotica if that gets her motor running, but she doesn't seem to regard it as being worth the bother.

I was patient and didn't cheat, but it's by no means certain that new parents' sex life will bounce back if the husband is merely patient, kind, and understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I had sex 1-2x per week before she got pregnant with DC2. We had sex maybe 3 times during her pregnancy. Then not at all for the first 2 or 3 months after that. Then after the first year we got it up to once a month. It didn't get better through about year 6, at which time we were at about once every 6 weeks.

We had a brief spike in our sex life when she read 50 Shades of Gray -- about twice a week for two months. Now we're back down to twice a month. I encourage her to read more erotica if that gets her motor running, but she doesn't seem to regard it as being worth the bother.

I was patient and didn't cheat, but it's by no means certain that new parents' sex life will bounce back if the husband is merely patient, kind, and understanding.

It's not certain. I don't think it's fair to the spouse to not put effort into regaining a healthy sex life. You can't tell from the onset if it's part of the normal postpartum recovery or an overall unwillingness to be a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I had sex 1-2x per week before she got pregnant with DC2. We had sex maybe 3 times during her pregnancy. Then not at all for the first 2 or 3 months after that. Then after the first year we got it up to once a month. It didn't get better through about year 6, at which time we were at about once every 6 weeks.

We had a brief spike in our sex life when she read 50 Shades of Gray -- about twice a week for two months. Now we're back down to twice a month. I encourage her to read more erotica if that gets her motor running, but she doesn't seem to regard it as being worth the bother.

I was patient and didn't cheat, but it's by no means certain that new parents' sex life will bounce back if the husband is merely patient, kind, and understanding.

It's not certain. I don't think it's fair to the spouse to not put effort into regaining a healthy sex life. You can't tell from the onset if it's part of the normal postpartum recovery or an overall unwillingness to be a good partner.

Also, I think it's easier to maintain a good sex life if you never get into the habit of a bad one. That's why those postpartum months are so important. Some degree of patience is absolutely necessary. But, I'd encourage new parents to discuss their expectations for their sex life during pregnancy and early on with the baby. Keep those expectations reasonable, and don't rush things. But don't expect that sex will just get better magically if you're not paying attention to it and nurturing your sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I had sex 1-2x per week before she got pregnant with DC2. We had sex maybe 3 times during her pregnancy. Then not at all for the first 2 or 3 months after that. Then after the first year we got it up to once a month. It didn't get better through about year 6, at which time we were at about once every 6 weeks.

We had a brief spike in our sex life when she read 50 Shades of Gray -- about twice a week for two months. Now we're back down to twice a month. I encourage her to read more erotica if that gets her motor running, but she doesn't seem to regard it as being worth the bother.

I was patient and didn't cheat, but it's by no means certain that new parents' sex life will bounce back if the husband is merely patient, kind, and understanding.

It's not certain. I don't think it's fair to the spouse to not put effort into regaining a healthy sex life. You can't tell from the onset if it's part of the normal postpartum recovery or an overall unwillingness to be a good partner.

Also, I think it's easier to maintain a good sex life if you never get into the habit of a bad one. That's why those postpartum months are so important. Some degree of patience is absolutely necessary. But, I'd encourage new parents to discuss their expectations for their sex life during pregnancy and early on with the baby. Keep those expectations reasonable, and don't rush things. But don't expect that sex will just get better magically if you're not paying attention to it and nurturing your sex life.

That's the most reasonable advice I've seen here on this topic.