Had one date and he wants a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Canadian here- It's the Americans who are weird about dating. We don't date multiple people at the same time just like the Latinos/Europeans. After one day we are very often exclusive. I don't know anyone back home who dates multiple people, except maybe ho's.

Here we can afford to date freely because we don't need to quickly pair up before we are snowed in for next 8 months.

I like you.

[Anonymous]

What's wring with the therapist that he or she didn't say "One date seems premature for these feelings." My ex-DH was seeing a Dr. Feelgood who listened patiently for $200 an hour and never contradicted him. So, he felt all his behavior was reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In light of the tragedy in Isla Vista, be careful with your words, OP.

^^Don't be ridiculous. Why do people feel the need to interpolate tragedies with their own personal lives? You people know nothing about this guy except for the few sentences that OP wrote, but you're ready to hang him. That's sick.

OP, follow the Golden Rule: Treat him how you'd like to be treated if you were in his shoes. Obviously, if the guy is in therapy, he has already suffered enough through life and is trying to get better. Tell him the facts: you can't see him anymore because his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and worried about your safety, and that if he continues to work on his issues, he will eventually be a happier person who doesn't have to have a romantic relationship, which isn't guaranteed to last anyways, fill his needs. As has been noted before, if you give him to much to go on, he may find something to argue about. Don't insult him by being pedantic, and don't lie to him to manipulate his feelings, as some people have suggested. If you just do a fade to black, he could start looking for the reasons you never gave, and that's where the stalking starts. So treat him like the 40+ year old man that he is, or needs to become.

[Anonymous]

Enough!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it in person. Phone/email/text is best. I don't ever advocate breaking up by email/text, but I don't see this as a break up since you had dinner once. Keep it short as the PP said "nice meeting you last week, I don't see a relationship between us so I have to cancel dinner." And then hang up the phone and don't respond to emails/text. You don't want to give him room to try to change your mind.

Does he know where you live or did you meet someplace else for your first date? If he knows where you live, just be vigilant. I'm not suggesting he'd be violent, but if you don't take his calls or emails, I can see him showing up with flowers. If that happens, keep on walking, don't stop and talk, tell him you don't want to see him on your property again and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In light of the tragedy in Isla Vista, be careful with your words, OP.

^^Don't be ridiculous. Why do people feel the need to interpolate tragedies with their own personal lives? You people know nothing about this guy except for the few sentences that OP wrote, but you're ready to hang him. That's sick.

How is telling someone to be careful, hanging someone else?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't know where I live, we met out. I haven't spoken to him in two days so I don't think he'll be surprised when I give him the news. I'll call him in the next day or two and let him know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In light of the tragedy in Isla Vista, be careful with your words, OP.

^^Don't be ridiculous. Why do people feel the need to interpolate tragedies with their own personal lives? You people know nothing about this guy except for the few sentences that OP wrote, but you're ready to hang him. That's sick.

How is telling someone to be careful, hanging someone else?

By insinuating that he will react in a depraved manner when nobody really knows anything about him or how he reacts to things, that's how. That is really extreme. This guy seems to have a disconnect from reality, and treating him as a potential mass murderer who's one rejection away from snapping isn't going to help bring him back down to earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wring with the therapist that he or she didn't say "One date seems premature for these feelings." My ex-DH was seeing a Dr. Feelgood who listened patiently for $200 an hour and never contradicted him. So, he felt all his behavior was reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

How did things go, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One date. It went ok I guess. But for him he is all over it and ready to get serious. I told him the reasons I was hesitant (besides not really knowing him at all) and he's very disappointed. Then he tells me he talked about me for 30 min to his therapist. Wth? Should I be concerned?

Hide your credit cards.

[Anonymous]

Therapist?

BAIL