Is this arrangement with step kids screwed up?

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Just read OP's follow up re guardian.

I would find a new guardian. And travel separately henceforward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. And the second reason is that new woman's place (where he is going to move into) is too small -- and was recently renovated, so new woman is unwilling to move.

He is FUCKING both of the women. New lady move on before you get knocked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies.

I guess I should start a new thread (and probably will), but let me now explain the reason of my posting this question. To make a long story short, the new woman in this story is a close family member. My DH and I prepared our wills some time ago (well before the new woman met the man in this story), and, for a number of reasons, thought she was the only viable candidate to name as guardian of our two daughters should something happen to DH and me. (Our surviving parents are either too old of with health issues). At that time, the new woman (single, without kids, but with the support of one of our surviving parents) seemed like a genuinely proper choice. She has revealed to be a complete different person in the course of her affair with the man, we don't recognize her anymore.

Obviously, DH and I are reconsidering that decision. Problem is, we can't identify a new guardian. We would need to name a friend, as we don't have other family members who could fulfill the role (our extended family is very small). We don't want to impose such a responsibility in friends who have kids themselves (although we do have life insurance and have set a trust).

Question: is the obvious decision here is to dump her as the potential guardian? Thanks.

Have you sat down with your family member and expressed these concerns? Have you asked her why she does not want a relationship with her new husband's kids? Are her reasons specific to this situation or are there more global issues involved that speak to how she might parent your kids?

I say this because someone I know is in a similar situation. The ex seems like the long-suffering victim but she is actually is extremely revengeful and plays mind games with the kids, encouraging them to be cruel to the new wife. (To the point where they only refer to my friend by a racial epithet, rather than by her name.) The kids have stolen from her and verbally and emotionally abused her for years. The father has been unable to halt the behavior, even with court assistance. They lay low for awhile and then it starts again. Father doesn't have money to go to court every three months. Counseling hasn't worked. My friend tried to live with it at first, but could not risk exposing her newborn to the step-children. They decided to move to an arrangement like the one you describe and, quite honestly, it's happier for everyone.