Is this arrangement with step kids screwed up?
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Anonymous
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Without going into details, consider and assess this situation. Married man long planning to divorce meets new woman, which finally triggers the divorce. Old wife agrees to divorce. Man has two young kids (under 12), who are still unaware of the impending divorce. New woman doesn't feel ready, and doesn't want, to be a step mother. Man and new woman reach the following agreement (unclear if old wife agrees with it): kids will not spend time in the new woman's home. Instead, once divorce takes place, every couple of weeks, man will go back to his former family home and spend the weekend with old wife (by then, the ex wife) and the two kids. That way, he will grant the new woman (by then, new wife) her wish of not having to deal with step kids (and perhaps ex wife is happier about not sharing custody, or perhaps she will not be happy about the arrangement).
Is it just me, or is this arrangement completely screwed up? Looks like a sure way to emotionally damage the kids... |
Anonymous
| Completely weird. |
Anonymous
| Ok, so you are having an affair, want a long term relationship and do not want his kids. Nice. I hope his wife takes him for the house and all the money. He doesn't deserve her. |
Anonymous
OP here. Just in case, I am neither the man, the old wife, or the new woman. But I would like to assess the judgement and the integrity of the man and new woman (long story why). |
Anonymous
| OP again. It looks like old woman has been wanting to get divorced from the man, perhaps for even longer than the man wanting to get divorced. That is, it's not the case that old wife is a betrayed spouse or that the divorce will take her by surprise -- she also wants a divorce. Mentioning this in case it changes your assessment. |
Anonymous
| I think it's fine. |
Anonymous
| I think it is a good idea.... kids can have some normalcy for those weekends, like old times....and know their dad still loves them...fine except dad might have sex with ex wife at some point during the weekend visits |
Anonymous
| Can a father actually be a parent when he sees his kids 2 days every two weeks? I don't think so. |
Anonymous
Man is cheating on wife. it does not change my opinion. Until the divorce is final, it is an affair. |
Anonymous
| the new woman is loca. |
Anonymous
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The man shouldn't have married a woman who doesn't want to be a step mother. Why can't they just date long term and keep separate houses? that way the kids just go to either parents' house as the visitation calls for. The new woman never has to meet the kids, but the whole family doesn't have to live a lie.
Or is it because the man has no money and is just slumping from one source of financial support to another? |
Anonymous
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He's an ass for being with a woman who doesn't want his kids around. The affair? Yeah, that's bad too but THIS? This is just sad. Those poor kids.
They don't get "normal" two weekends/month.. they get confused. What happens when Mom doesn't want an a-hole ex hanging around? Kids come first.. not the "new woman." It won't take them wrong to realize their place on the priority list. |
Anonymous
| Plus, it won't take long before the new woman/wife starts to resent the time spent in his ex wife's house.. or there's a new kid.. and just like that these two children are abandoned by their father. He needs to find a backbone. |
Anonymous
| It's screwed up. What part of the marriage vows didn't he understand? |
Anonymous
| Husband will spend weekends with ex and bang her brains out, until her new husband comes in the picture and don't want the ex in the house, and he will then no longer be able to see his kids, out of respect to keep the new husband happy. Meanwhile, the new wife/step mom will be having her sleep overs, every two weekends, with a young boy toy. Husband will come home one weekend with all his bank accounts cleared. Am I missing anything? |