Yom Kippur Birthday Party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non practicing Jew, my daughter would go.

Also, my husband as a non practicing catholic would send her on Easter too. We are equally bad Jew-istians.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you have 2 weeks + until the date. They'll RSVP. and if not, don't invite them again. It's not a wedding, it's a kids birthday party. It doesn't take that much to add a kid, especially if it's 6 or 7 kids.

You're absolutely right. I was just wondering if people who know they can't go because of the holidays would still wait until the last minute to RSVP. I think we have one friend who is truly offended and not responding for that reason. I never would have made that connection until I read this thread, though, so maybe I'm just making myself extra paranoid. Damn you, DCUM!

[Anonymous]

NBD if you're in Kentucky, but in this area it's completely inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. So, you are Jewish and you were invited to a birthday party on Yom Kippur. You know you can't attend, so why haven't you RSVP'd?! We accidentally scheduled DC's party on Yom Kippur this year and would change it except it's the only date that works all month and the grandparents have already booked tickets and hotels. We invited 8 kids and haven't heard back from five, four of whom are Jewish. Are you so completely offended that I made this innocent mistake that you refuse to RSVP? Also, I didn't know two of the families were Jewish until this incident--they go to our church-based preschool, never mentioned temple, seemed very into the Christmas celebration at school, and even came to the Easter service.

Incidentally, we saw two of the families last week in person, and I mentioned to both that I was sorry to have scheduled the party on the holiday--didn't realize it was so early this year, etc. They both said they were pretty sure they would come and it wasn't a big deal, but they need to figure out when they're going to Temple. They still haven't RSVPd, and I can't tell if they were just trying to be polite when they said it wasn't a big deal.

You can be sure we will never make the mistake again!

I wonder if they haven't rsvp'ed because the parents can't agree. Both DH and I are Jewish, but he grew up more observant than I did. I can imagine him saying that DC can't go because it's Yom Kippur and me saying But the party is after the kids' service we're going to, and not rsvp'ing because we can't decide.

[Anonymous]

Let's assume the birthday party is at a gym or a bounce place or some other germ-filled, easy-on-parents party venue. You would never have a party scheduled on Christmas or Easter because those places, like everything else in the country, will be closed. The whole country celebrates those days to some extent, regardless of religion -- the banks, the schools, the stock market, employers, etc. Nothing is closed on Yom Kippur. Comparing the holidays, from a birthday-party-scheduling perspective, is ridiculous. The hosts are not trying to offend anyone. They are just scheduling the party when it works for them. If they don't get sufficient turnout, next year they will schedule differently.

[Anonymous]

I repeat: Someone else's birthday is not about you.

It doesn't matter if it is a major religious holiday for some subset of the population. The hosts get to decide when they want to host a party. You get to decide whether you will attend or not. The hosts schedule their event for the most convenient time for their family and you either pleasantly accept or respectfully decline. If you feel that they were just clueless about the holiday you can say in your RSVP "Sorry, but due to the Yom Kippur holiday, we will not be able to join you," but that's about the extent of how far you can respectfully decline. If 25% of the guest list cannot attend due to the hoidays, then the next year, they can decide whether to avoid the holiday or not.

It's not rude to plan an event for another culture's major holiday, unless it is a mandatory or major event (a wedding when a significant portion of the guest list would have a real issue). A child's birthday party is just not important enough to cause such a conflict. You decide how observant a Jew you are and you accept or decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.

Cradle Catholic here -- Easter IS the holiest day of the year for Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I repeat: Someone else's birthday is not about you.

It doesn't matter if it is a major religious holiday for some subset of the population. The hosts get to decide when they want to host a party. You get to decide whether you will attend or not. The hosts schedule their event for the most convenient time for their family and you either pleasantly accept or respectfully decline. If you feel that they were just clueless about the holiday you can say in your RSVP "Sorry, but due to the Yom Kippur holiday, we will not be able to join you," but that's about the extent of how far you can respectfully decline. If 25% of the guest list cannot attend due to the hoidays, then the next year, they can decide whether to avoid the holiday or not.

It's not rude to plan an event for another culture's major holiday, unless it is a mandatory or major event (a wedding when a significant portion of the guest list would have a real issue). A child's birthday party is just not important enough to cause such a conflict. You decide how observant a Jew you are and you accept or decline.

You are right that the person planning the party can do what they want. They are, however, undeniably, being extremely insensitive, and they are hurting other people's feelings, whether they mean to or not. That's just the way it is. People feel the way they do even though the birthday is about someone else. If the person planning the party doesn't care, they are insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larla sure gets around. And now she's Jewish too!.

I think it is a huge gaffe on the part of the parents. And it really can't be compared to Easter (a day of celebration). Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year. You are supposed to be fasting, praying and repenting. Even I, dumb Shiksa know that. It might be akin to scheduling a party on Good Friday for Catholics and the Orthodox.

Cradle Catholic here -- Easter IS the holiest day of the year for Catholics.

Another cradle Catholic here and I suspect the other poster's analogy was meant to address the somber nature of both Good Friday and Yom Kippur (plus the fasting aspect, I guess, although our Catholic fasts are pretty wimpy compared to other religions' fasts!). Ultimately, there is not going to be perfect analogy because each religion and each holy day is different.

I've been thinking about this one, and I have a few non-religious friends who I genuinely would not be surprised if they didn't know when Easter was in a given year. So I really doubt they know when Yom Kippur is, since it's not preceded by two months of chocolate bunnies on display at Giant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I repeat: Someone else's birthday is not about you.

It doesn't matter if it is a major religious holiday for some subset of the population. The hosts get to decide when they want to host a party. You get to decide whether you will attend or not. The hosts schedule their event for the most convenient time for their family and you either pleasantly accept or respectfully decline. If you feel that they were just clueless about the holiday you can say in your RSVP "Sorry, but due to the Yom Kippur holiday, we will not be able to join you," but that's about the extent of how far you can respectfully decline. If 25% of the guest list cannot attend due to the hoidays, then the next year, they can decide whether to avoid the holiday or not.

It's not rude to plan an event for another culture's major holiday, unless it is a mandatory or major event (a wedding when a significant portion of the guest list would have a real issue). A child's birthday party is just not important enough to cause such a conflict. You decide how observant a Jew you are and you accept or decline.

You are right that the person planning the party can do what they want. They are, however, undeniably, being extremely insensitive, and they are hurting other people's feelings, whether they mean to or not. That's just the way it is. People feel the way they do even though the birthday is about someone else. If the person planning the party doesn't care, they are insensitive.

So, you're saying that if that weekend is the only weekend that both sets of grandparents who live out of town can fly in, that they should cancel the party or have a birthday party excluding one set of in-laws just so that some school classmates will not feel excluded. It is only insensitive if they opted for that weekend over another potential weekend without a reason. But guests do not know what scheduling issues that the hosting family has, so just be gracious and don't assume the worst. The hosts do not have to explain to every guest that the non-holiday weekends were not convenient for the hosting family. You're being ridiculous labeling them insensitive unless you know for certain that they had no reason to select that weekend over another and just opted to do it on the holiday weekend.

[Anonymous]

I was completely oblivious to when Jewish holidays wee until dd went to a Jewish preschool and they have us a calendar. It is NOT on all calendars. Also it is listed on the school calendar for public school but on Thursday I think so before hand I would have assumed this meant the holiday was done by Saturday since there are not really Christian holidays that span several days the way there are in Judaism. This is a long way of saying that the family likely just did not realize. No ill intent.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - for that matter I have trouble keeping track of exactly when Easter too. The comparison to Xmas is not equal since it never moves around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NBD if you're in Kentucky, but in this area it's completely inconsiderate.

I lived and worked here for 13 years and know of only two Jewish people. You're generalizing based on your own social circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NBD if you're in Kentucky, but in this area it's completely inconsiderate.

I lived and worked here for 13 years and know of only two Jewish people. You're generalizing based on your own social circles.

The biggest concentration of Jews around here is in Southern MoCo. It's the reason my SIL want move to VA even though she works in Tysons and her husband works in Reston. I think it's like 15% in MoCo whereas the general US population is what, 6%?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Meant "won't" move, not want. She will not move to VA because of the lack of Jewish ppl.