Yom Kippur Birthday Party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what comes of marrying shiksas.

+1. Though I would use less derogatory terminology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of non-Jews don't quite understand that Yom Kippur is our MOST religious and important day of the year. It is to us what Christmas is to them. Maybe if people understood that more they would be less likely to schedule things on that day. The other Jewish holidays aren't as big of a deal, but I think people would be pretty annoyed if I scheduled my child's party on Christmas.

We were recently invited to an adult evening event on Yom Kippur. There were lots of other dates the host could have chose. I think they really don't understand the importance of this holiday to those who are Jewish.

As seen in the responses on this forum, it's not that people don't understnad, it's really that they don't care. It may not be malicious, but it is insensitive. I expect no less, though. I try to keep my expectations low.

[Anonymous]

We are Christian and I have no idea when Yom Kippur is, so if it fell on or near my child's birthday I could totally see this happening to us. I realize its an important holiday in the jewish faith but its just not on my radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are Christian and I have no idea when Yom Kippur is, so if it fell on or near my child's birthday I could totally see this happening to us. I realize its an important holiday in the jewish faith but its just not on my radar.

Yom Kippur IS listed on my calendar I bought at Target. Maybe it depends on the calendar you are using, but it is listed on many major store bought calendars.

[Anonymous]

OP, people who don't know are not going to know no matter what. It could be on their calendar but they don't know what it is or it's significance. That's the way it is just going to be. Just decline the invite and move on. That is what I always do (even with my Jewish friends who know better but could care less). It only matters to me what I do.

[Anonymous]

I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

Children under 9 are not expected to fast and unless you are observant to the point that you go to the full day of services, I dont think it is a big problem to let your children attend the party. It's funny that you are celebrating a birthday the next day because celebrating birthdays is not a Jewish tradition. We celebrate the anniversary of deaths. If we celebrated birthdays, there would have been some rule for what to do on YK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

Off topic, I know, but do people fast on Good Friday? I've never heard of that (I'm obviously not Catholic).

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal and not worth getting offended. Chances are they didn't even know. I would politely decline and say that it was a religious holiday for us or just that we are busy that day. Look on the bright side--one less party to schlep your kid to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of non-Jews don't quite understand that Yom Kippur is our MOST religious and important day of the year. It is to us what Christmas is to them. Maybe if people understood that more they would be less likely to schedule things on that day. The other Jewish holidays aren't as big of a deal, but I think people would be pretty annoyed if I scheduled my child's party on Christmas.

We were recently invited to an adult evening event on Yom Kippur. There were lots of other dates the host could have chose. I think they really don't understand the importance of this holiday to those who are Jewish.

As seen in the responses on this forum, it's not that people don't understnad, it's really that they don't care. It may not be malicious, but it is insensitive. I expect no less, though. I try to keep my expectations low.

Wow, that's a classic sweeping generalization. Love your positive attitude and outlook on the world.

PS Owl is using your tail as a bell rope (again).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone else's birthday isn't about you, OP.

While I am not Jewish, a LOT of my friends are and I tend to be conscious of the major Jewish holidays. But there are also some times when despite that knowledge I have no choice but to schedule something on a Jewish holiday, because of some other factor that was important and just couldn't be scheduled any other way. Sorry about that. I understand that you may not be able to attend, but thought it would be more rude to not include your child than to include you, let you decide how important that holiday was for you, and let you accept or politely inclined. If you would prefer that we exclude your child from future invitations if we think you might be unavailable, we can do so.

Substitute the word "Christian" and then instead of Yom Kippur say the holiday is Christmas. The briskly, let's generously call it matter-of-fact tone likely would not apply then. Scheduling a part on THE main Jewish holiday is a faux pas if some of your invitees are Jewish.

Except that everyone knows Christmas is the major Christian holiday, but I suspect few non-Jews know the ranking of Yom Kippur. Have some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

Off topic, I know, but do people fast on Good Friday? I've never heard of that (I'm obviously not Catholic).

You fast when you're going to someone else's solemn religious ceremony. Other than that, not so much. But my friends and I discussed it and felt we should observe our own religion because it just felt wrong to blow off religion in general that day. It made sense when we were 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

Were you really invited to more than one of these? I can perhaps see one, but even that is hard to believe. Bar/bat mitzvahs are typically on a Saturday, some on Sundays, but I have never heard of them being held on a Friday. Usually, the kid is called to the Torah, and Torah is not read on Fridays. And besides, Good Friday/Easter usually coincides, or is in close proximity, to Passover, which a) has a lot of food restrictions, and b) people often spend with their families and often travel, kind of like Thanksgiving. Most Jews would not want to deal with the hassle of hosting a bar/bat mitzvah on Passover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

Were you really invited to more than one of these? I can perhaps see one, but even that is hard to believe. Bar/bat mitzvahs are typically on a Saturday, some on Sundays, but I have never heard of them being held on a Friday. Usually, the kid is called to the Torah, and Torah is not read on Fridays. And besides, Good Friday/Easter usually coincides, or is in close proximity, to Passover, which a) has a lot of food restrictions, and b) people often spend with their families and often travel, kind of like Thanksgiving. Most Jews would not want to deal with the hassle of hosting a bar/bat mitzvah on Passover.

My friends daughter's bat mitzvah is the Friday before pesach this year. Their families are in Europe. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are all flying in. Of course they're going to stay for more than the weekend. It's a good thing they live in Boca. They have already booked the hotel for both sedars. The room block is at one of the hotels that books vacations for pesach with food included. I have no idea if this is Easter weekend or Easter is the next one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Christian but grew up in a predominantly Jewish town. I know to look for YK and other Jewish holidays, and would never plan an event unless I knew no Jews were slated to attend. However, I can also tell you that if I were from someplace where Jews were rare I wouldn't have a clue, and not every calendar lists it, and in some cases those calendars also list every major and minor holiday from around the world that you ignore most of.

But this happens both ways. I remember being invited to bar/bat mitzvahs on Good Friday where about 25% of the kids in the class who were invited were Catholic. So a bunch of us went but didn't eat, and even though it was a late night party, they cleared the food at 11:50 just as we were getting ready to eat. Such is life.

Off topic, I know, but do people fast on Good Friday? I've never heard of that (I'm obviously not Catholic).

You fast when you're going to someone else's solemn religious ceremony. Other than that, not so much. But my friends and I discussed it and felt we should observe our own religion because it just felt wrong to blow off religion in general that day. It made sense when we were 13.

Bar/bat mitzvah dates are set by the synagogue, so families have little say. Plus, it sounds like you and your friends used 13 yr old logic to decide that you couldnt eat until midnight, rather than a set rule that others could have known.

Not picking an argument over something that presumably happened decades ago, but my point is that it's not comparable to a birthday party on yom kippur. I would assume, if I were OP, that the hosts didnt particularly care if you and the other jewish kids were there (not that they actively wanted to exclude you, just that they didnt care) and judge the friendship accordingly.