Friend does not discipline her child and it's no longer fun hanging out with them -- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Op, you can still be friends. Its just that the playdates will end. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I have four kids and I have a little more life experience than many of the posters in this forum (who tend to have one or two very little ones), but I honestly couldn't care less about my friends' parenting styles. As long as they don't yell obscenities or beat their kids, it really doesn't bother me how strict or lax they are. I'm only responsible for my kids. Period. And I strive not to pass judgment on my friends (even the ones who are super strict/crazy/judgmental and those who are super lax). I'm sure some of our friends think we are too laid back. We don't see it that way. We have older kids, so we now realize that we don't have to shadow our toddler's every move. We have older kids, so we recognize that we don't have to intervene in every situation. In fact, we prefer that our kids try to resolve situations on their own. We are the anti-helicopter parents.

I could have written this because it fits me to a T. I feel the same way. My first one made it to where she is today, and the other two are doing just great
with little intervention. Shouldnt be anyone elses business but my own.

Well la-ti-FREAKING-da. It IS MY business when YOUR "snowflakes" negatively affect society and MY life with their holier-than-thou-anti-establishment/anti-discipline attitude. DISCIPLINE DOES NOT EQUAL "SHADOWING." I REFUSE to financially support YOUR mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe meet in public spaces only?

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation, mom tries to discipline, but not enough, or maybe she is just inefficient with the kind of personality. Her son is a rowdy boy, likes roughhousing, taking away toys, pushing kids off swings, etc.
I just tell my son to choose a toy, take it to another corner of the living room or backyard and try to stay away from William. Somehow as time passed they got better with each other (mostly leaving each other alone and doing parallel play). Mom is very nice, I love hanging out with her.

[Anonymous]

Again with the ridiculous old thread bumps?

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP. I became very close friends with a previously casual acquaintance (our DHs were co-workers) and we'd hang out often when we had newborns.

As our children grew and became toddlers, this friend became a know it all type mom and began disciplining my child constantly, even in MY house, in front of me. She also got very competitive with me, as far as milestones reached, preschool selection, food choices, everything. I'm a very hands on, cautious parent who quickly became resentful of this supposed friends behavior.

So, I just stopped returning her calls, doing anything with her and I let the friendship drift away. I'm sure she still has no idea what happened. Our husbands are in different fields now, so that connection ended, too.

Sorry, it's not getting any better.

[Anonymous]

We are not talking about critiquing a style for no reason, we are talking about other children disrespecting the people, things, or pets in our own home and the parents who do nothing about it. If someone else’s kid rolled their eyes at you after they threw a fit and purposely broke something if yours youre saying you’re so laxed that you wouldn’t care and you’d gladly have them back ?!

[Anonymous]

This thread is over 7 years old. I sense OP has moved on by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not talking about critiquing a style for no reason, we are talking about other children disrespecting the people, things, or pets in our own home and the parents who do nothing about it. If someone else’s kid rolled their eyes at you after they threw a fit and purposely broke something if yours youre saying you’re so laxed that you wouldn’t care and you’d gladly have them back ?!

Are you a troll? Why bring up a thread that is 7 years old. how pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I have four kids and I have a little more life experience than many of the posters in this forum (who tend to have one or two very little ones), but I honestly couldn't care less about my friends' parenting styles. As long as they don't yell obscenities or beat their kids, it really doesn't bother me how strict or lax they are. I'm only responsible for my kids. Period. And I strive not to pass judgment on my friends (even the ones who are super strict/crazy/judgmental and those who are super lax). I'm sure some of our friends think we are too laid back. We don't see it that way. We have older kids, so we now realize that we don't have to shadow our toddler's every move. We have older kids, so we recognize that we don't have to intervene in every situation. In fact, we prefer that our kids try to resolve situations on their own. We are the anti-helicopter parents.

I could have written this because it fits me to a T. I feel the same way. My first one made it to where she is today, and the other two are doing just great
with little intervention. Shouldnt be anyone elses business but my own.

When your kid is throwing things, yanking things out of their kid's hand and/or hitting their kid? Hell, no. Bye-bye. Go home.

[Anonymous]

I would find the example about the refrigerator door super annoying. But I’d like to offer an alternative explanation for why Amy tries to convince her daughter to give the toy back rather than forcing it. She might know that if she forces it, her daughter will explode (yell, throw toys, maybe even bite or spit) and the play date will definitely be over. Which is an unpleasant outcome for everyone. Her daughter’s reaction when you took the toy away and handed it back to your daughter confirms to you that the child isn’t used to being disciplined but it might, instead, mean that she gets explosive when she’s disciplined. Your friend might be choosing not to do that when on play dates.

That doesn’t mean you have to be ok with your child having toys snatched from her (although I’d let them sort that out at 3) or your fridge being messed with but it does mean you might want to consider an alternative explanation for what you have observed.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t realize this was 7 years old! Never mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again with the ridiculous old thread bumps?

+ 7 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg PP, that is crazy advice!

[Anonymous]

I'd have no problem correcting this child's behavior and having reasonable consequences for bad behavior, at least while she was in my home.