DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

[Anonymous]

The other girl is the mean girl with mommy there to fight her battles. Absolutely out of the question for the mother to approach your daughter. The only mother I ever knew to cross that line was bipolar (so we had to excuse her).

[Anonymous]

This thread is fascinating to me. When I was growing up it was completely normal for other moms and dads to correct my behavior. Hell, complete strangers did it!

Nobody's child is so fragile that being scolded or corrected by another child's parents is going to scar them.

But treating them like princesses will surely turn them into horrid adults!

I agree with the PP that the OP is teaching her daughter not to respect adults.

[Anonymous]

OP: You are in the right no matter what any one says. NO volunteer has the right to manage your child's social life. "Excluding" can mean anything. No parent volunteer has the right to chastise your DD for this.

[Anonymous]

PP^^ This is an adult speaking to a child at school. Way out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.

The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....

Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.

Your wording, "She didn't LET the other woman's daughter sit next to her," is showing how that was controlling and mean. In the school I work at, kids are not allowed to save seats, and this is explained when we do lessons on empathy. 9 year old girls are very fragile. You should explain to your daughter how that could have hurt the child's feelings and not back her up for excluding others.

Ahh the truth comes out. I'm sure there is a rule about not saving seats. Your DD broke it and was corrected. End of story. Move on. Volunteers are there to help enforce the rules. Right? If not, why are they there.

[Anonymous]

This thread is fascinating to me. When I was growing up it was completely normal for other moms and dads to correct my behavior. Hell, complete strangers did it!

Nobody's child is so fragile that being scolded or corrected by another child's parents is going to scar them.

But treating them like princesses will surely turn them into horrid adults!

If the kids were five, I would say that by all means the mom could say something. But these kids are getting to the age that they need to at least try to resolve minor conflicts like this on their own before an adult becomes involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster 18:18, terrific response from the real world.

If OP had her way, when I volunteer with a kids' organization of which we're members, I should never tell one kid to be sure to include another. I should never tell a pair of kids who are inseparable (to the point of focusing entirely on each other much of the time) to sit separately from each other. Goodness knows I should never flat-out tell a kid, "You need to ask X what she thinks."

After all, I'm "just" a volunteer and therefore have zero authority over another person's child.

I could not tell the boy in the reading group at school (which I volunteer to facilitate) that he needs to put away his eraser and stop playing with it. I could not
tell one kid to wait to speak because another is speaking right now.

After all, to OP I'm "just" a volunteer and in no position to correct anyone's child about anything, ever.

OP would hate me because if I walk down the halls at my kid's elementary school and I see two kids walking toward me and they are goofing and being loud and pushing each other -- I might actually say, "You guys need to calm it down." Because I am an adult and they are children, and they are not behaving appropriately. But if OP follows her own reasoning to its logical end, I should say nothing, right? I'm not a teacher and not the parent of one of those kids, so otherwise, I have no authority, correct?

Next time it's HER child being excluded, or pushed on the playground, or interrupted repeatedly in class...OP will be the first mom to yell loudly and long about how her kid should be included, or not pushed, or allowed to speak. I would love to see her post how much SHE volunteers at school....?

That is right, you do not. Get over yourself and stay away from other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is fascinating to me. When I was growing up it was completely normal for other moms and dads to correct my behavior. Hell, complete strangers did it!

Nobody's child is so fragile that being scolded or corrected by another child's parents is going to scar them.

But treating them like princesses will surely turn them into horrid adults!

I agree with the PP that the OP is teaching her daughter not to respect adults.

I agree that a parent can say something if you are doing something bad, dangerous, etc.

But this is just teaching a kid to ba a tattle tale.

If you not bleeding or in danger figure it out yourself. Kids these days are totally coddled.

Yea, when our parents released us in the morning to the neighborhood and told us not to come back till lunch a mother in the neighborhood might tell us not to climb the dead tree because the branches are brittle.

But asking a kid to make sure your daughter must sit next to a her daughter, not across, is bizarre.

[Anonymous]

At our elementary school, the meanest girls are the daughters of the "long time" volunteers. I do wish these moms would find someone their own size/age to pick on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.

The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....

Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.

Um, why is your DD telling anyone where to sit at the lunch table at all? THAT, OP, is Queen Bee behavior. Notice your word choice. Your DD wouldn't "let" the other child sit somewhere but she "let" her sit elsewhere at the table (how gracious of her, by the way) and told where she could sit to boot.

If the confrontation you describe happened on the playground immediately after the meal, I don't really share your outrage. Your dd deserved to be put in her place. If it happened three days later, that's a little more egregious.

[Anonymous]

Daughter: mom Kathy wouldn't let me sit next to her at lunch today, she saved a seat for Maria.

Me: we'll that sucks, where did you sit?

Daughter: I had to sit across from her.

Me: So you still sat with her for lunch but across from her not next other?

Daughter: yea, but I wanted to sit next her.

Meinside my head) holy crap give me a break.
Me: we'll we can't always get our way. If Kathy seems to be getting a little bossy we may want to start eating with Jennifer. She's sweet. (in my head-or one of the other 150 girls in your grade)

[Anonymous]

But if her daughter is a queen bee that make the other woman's child a wannabes - which is equally bad, except the crazy mom is actually helping her be a wannabe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.

The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....

Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.

Um, why is your DD telling anyone where to sit at the lunch table at all? THAT, OP, is Queen Bee behavior. Notice your word choice. Your DD wouldn't "let" the other child sit somewhere but she "let" her sit elsewhere at the table (how gracious of her, by the way) and told where she could sit to boot.

If the confrontation you describe happened on the playground immediately after the meal, I don't really share your outrage. Your dd deserved to be put in her place. If it happened three days later, that's a little more egregious.

[Anonymous]

This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

Says the harpie who is too old to be a mean girl. Grow up, lady - I touched a nerve, huh?