What constitutes a "home cooked" meal? DH complains not home cooked enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

I have sex with my husband 2 nights a week, but he cooks. Which is better? Cooking or sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but there are some vey decent jarred sauces (Barilla, Newman's, TJ's) without preservatives and very simple, wholesome ingredients. I use these regularly and still feel that my meal is "home cooked."

C'mon, gimme a break. You are taking a dish someone else prepared, reheating it, and calling it homemade. It's basically the same as getting Chinese takeout, putting it in a bowl to heat up in the microwave, and calling it homemade. Doesn't that sound ridiculous?

Look, I'm not criticizing - you should be commended for making dinner for your family, choosing healthy options, and not getting takeout. And I used jarred sauce too, so I'm not getting up on some high horse here. But let's not delude ourselves - it ain't home-cooked.

I refuse to get sucked into the competitive, "I work all day, come home, make a home-cooked dinner for my family, and in my spare time work on achieving world peace and cold fusion." It's OK to admit that you don't make a home-cooked dinner sometimes. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

So she's pregnant by another man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

So she's pregnant by another man?

Haha, nope, all mine.

Did I mention our commute is no less than an hour? OP has no excuse, unless she's said somewhere that she has one year old twins and a five year old SN child. But I didn't read all of the excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

I have sex with my husband 2 nights a week, but he cooks. Which is better? Cooking or sex?

Would it be showing ones age to suggest there's a shit-ton of variety when it comes to cooking?

Dear god I've given up on life.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, I'm a radical queer feminist and even I know that if the love of my life complained that his meals didn't seem "homecooked enough," he would be telling me that he didn't feel deeply nourished by them, and since that is absolutely my goal when I put the time, thought and hard work into preparing a meal for the people I love, I would ask a lot more questions and find out exactly what he meant and try to do better.

Food is not loading the dishwasher, it is not washing the car or the socks. He puts the food IN his body and trusts me to help him fuel himself properly. That's our division of labor, and when he cooks for me, he takes such pleasure in pleasing and nourishing me that it might as well be sex. It's churlish to do less when you're feeding people (if it's not one of those times when you just have to do less). And if it is not satisfying to him, if he does not feel fed and loved and completely satisfied, then there is room to improve.

And I have - I cook differently now than when we got together. I make really flavorful, nourishing food based on traditional cuisines, and try to make sure the house smells good when he walks in the door. I don't exactly suffer, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, in an effort to help the OP, let me just say that I am married to a midwestern meat and potatoes kind of man who never learned how to cook. I LOVE to cook, so I cook our meals. He does other stuff. Now, due to his midwestern-ness he isn't much of a talker. He wouldn't be able to tell you what he wanted to eat, either, and might describe what we'd call "home cooking" as a "home cooked meal." And he would probably do it after having eaten 20 meals without commenting on them, positive or negative, so I'd have no idea where it was coming from.

So...if there is a remote possibility that this DH is suffering from the same sort of malady my husband suffers from, if OP is so inclined she might ask her husband if certain meals sound good to him: Does meatloaf sound like what you are hankering for? Roast chicken? That thing your mom made?

And then, when OP has the time and inclination, make it! No, she is not some kitchen slave, but when you SAH meals are generally your responsibility, and it seems unfair that the person who SAH has total menu control with no input from the eaters, right? Like a benevolent dictator, she could consider requests...

Okay, so I am all in favor of respecting different cultural norms, and letting a thousand linguistic flowers bloom (seriously, I am, I do this stuff for a living), but what the what ??? You husband is sooooo taciturn he's not able to articulate what kind of food he wants to eat? That's a new one on me.

[Anonymous]

I would define "home cooked" as the type of meal that you could buy from a restaurant that you cooked yourself at home. I think most people associate the term home-cooked with a health benefit though, and so you could try increasing the number of cooked vegetables and see if that makes DH happier. Or you could stop cooking at all for a few days and see if he is willing to become more grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

Oh do please shut up.

[Anonymous]

My sister hides the jars, cans, and boxes in the bottom of the trash. Her DH thinks he gets a home cooked meal every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. My DW is preggers, works full time and we have a preschooler. She cooks from scratch easily five nights a week, and is an AMAZING cook.

She won't even let me help.

There are a million resources out, there is no excuse other than the lack of will.

Of course she won't give me any sex, so there are trade offs I guess.

Oh do please shut up.

To boil water, fill pot, turn on heat. Wait. (watch if you want it to go faster).

Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

OP - Hand your DH your favorite cookbooks and tell him to list the recipes he wants cooked. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I'm a radical queer feminist and even I know that if the love of my life complained that his meals didn't seem "homecooked enough," he would be telling me that he didn't feel deeply nourished by them, and since that is absolutely my goal when I put the time, thought and hard work into preparing a meal for the people I love, I would ask a lot more questions and find out exactly what he meant and try to do better.

Food is not loading the dishwasher, it is not washing the car or the socks. He puts the food IN his body and trusts me to help him fuel himself properly. That's our division of labor, and when he cooks for me, he takes such pleasure in pleasing and nourishing me that it might as well be sex. It's churlish to do less when you're feeding people (if it's not one of those times when you just have to do less). And if it is not satisfying to him, if he does not feel fed and loved and completely satisfied, then there is room to improve.

And I have - I cook differently now than when we got together. I make really flavorful, nourishing food based on traditional cuisines, and try to make sure the house smells good when he walks in the door. I don't exactly suffer, either.

Well, I'm a radical queer feminist, too, and I thought he sounded like an entitled ass who needed to share the responsibilities of nourishing the family or STFU. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I'm a radical queer feminist and even I know that if the love of my life complained that his meals didn't seem "homecooked enough," he would be telling me that he didn't feel deeply nourished by them, and since that is absolutely my goal when I put the time, thought and hard work into preparing a meal for the people I love, I would ask a lot more questions and find out exactly what he meant and try to do better.

Food is not loading the dishwasher, it is not washing the car or the socks. He puts the food IN his body and trusts me to help him fuel himself properly. That's our division of labor, and when he cooks for me, he takes such pleasure in pleasing and nourishing me that it might as well be sex. It's churlish to do less when you're feeding people (if it's not one of those times when you just have to do less). And if it is not satisfying to him, if he does not feel fed and loved and completely satisfied, then there is room to improve.

And I have - I cook differently now than when we got together. I make really flavorful, nourishing food based on traditional cuisines, and try to make sure the house smells good when he walks in the door. I don't exactly suffer, either.

You need to write the copy for Hallmark cards or something.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, bumping this thread because of a book I found and like: "The best 30 minute recipes" from the authors of Cook's illustrated. The, ah....validity of your DH's complaint aside, any of us who cook struggle to get quality meals on the table without spending tons of time in the kitchen. You have to bring your cooking A game to actually stay at 30 min but the book helps with this re: prep, oven pre-heating, etc. A few examples in the book that I liked were pan-roasted chicken and potatoes, shrimp curry with cauliflower and potatoes; there's even a pasta with 20 min tomato sauce. Good luck.