I havr a crush on my coworker

[Anonymous]

Doctorfeelgood wrote:Thank you for the worthless update. You sound like a weatherman in Phoenix "So tomorrow, sunny and hot and the day after that we have a little surprise - sunny and hotter."

Well, someone did ask a while back. And I was thinking about it. And needed a place to get it off my chest. If you don't care, why read it and comment in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Doctorfeelgood wrote:

Well, someone did ask a while back. And I was thinking about it. And needed a place to get it off my chest. If you don't care, why read it and comment in the first place?

Exactly what did you get off your chest? You said nothing. Let me paraphrase your little summation of events:

"Do you remember how things were before? They're exactly the same."

Please don't be angry here. I'm only trying to make you a better communicator. People who have nothing fascinating to say lead very unfascinating lives. When in doubt lie and insert a Latin lover into the mix.

Okay, troll. Just what DCUM needs. . .another bottom feeder.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like an idiot. Obviously all these months have done nothing for your maturity. Why would you want to stay in contact with him after you leave. If you cared about your marriage you would have done like so many PPs said before. Do not hang out with him, keep everything short and work related, turn down all invites. You don't want this to stop. God forbid your husband messes up and makes you mad one day and you go running to your "friend" and doom your marriage for good, not to mention your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like an idiot. Obviously all these months have done nothing for your maturity. Why would you want to stay in contact with him after you leave. If you cared about your marriage you would have done like so many PPs said before. Do not hang out with him, keep everything short and work related, turn down all invites. You don't want this to stop. God forbid your husband messes up and makes you mad one day and you go running to your "friend" and doom your marriage for good, not to mention your children.

Well, in one instance we had to meet clients for drinks and they were over an hour late. So I couldn't really get out of that one. The other instance was a moment of weakness.

You're right - I won't be able to stay in touch, though he is the kind of person I would generally seek out as a friend were it not for the attraction. But it's not like I'm inviting him out for personal dinners/drink dates, and I can't avoid him altogether because we work together. There are frequent occasions where we have to meet clients as a team. Other than that, though, I do try to keep my distance at the office. I don't stop by just to "chat" unless I have a work-related reason, and in most of those cases I'll simply email unless it is something that is better discussed - i.e. problem solving or the like. And trust me - my husband makes me mad plenty and I haven't gone running anywhere. And all I have to do is look at my children to know I can never act on my feelings. So you're wrong - I'm plenty mature. But I'm also human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can I set him up with my single younger sister?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can I set him up with my single younger sister?!?

I would LOVE that! He wants to settle down and I think that would be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can I set him up with my single younger sister?!?

I would LOVE that! He wants to settle down and I think that would be great.

How old is he? She is 34.

[Anonymous]

Every time you think about him, stop, and think about your DH. Make a list of all the things your DH does, and the ways he is, that are great. Keep looking at it. Have more sex with him - branch out and do different stuff. Tell him you want more of a connection. Work on your marriage. Stay away form the guy, and don't let yourself fantasize. It will go away. Watch out, it is a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

I thought we were going to hear about a hot, steamy affair! Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can I set him up with my single younger sister?!?

I would LOVE that! He wants to settle down and I think that would be great.

How old is he? She is 34.

Late 30's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time you think about him, stop, and think about your DH. Make a list of all the things your DH does, and the ways he is, that are great. Keep looking at it. Have more sex with him - branch out and do different stuff. Tell him you want more of a connection. Work on your marriage. Stay away form the guy, and don't let yourself fantasize. It will go away. Watch out, it is a slippery slope.

I know. And I do. The funny thing is that when I listed out all of the things I like about work guy, they are all qualities DH has. And I know that work guy comes with his own baggage and that even if I did act, it would turn weird and the luster would wear off anyway. Trust me - I know. I think one of the big things is that DH and I rarely have time to talk anymore. And when we do, it's about our kids or the house or some other mundane thing that has to be taken care of. With work guy, when we do have time to talk it's about politics and the world and interests, etc etc because we can. I miss being able to talk to DH like that, and I've told him. He knows. We are trying to make more time to spend together - getting a babysitter more often and whatnot. I'm not letting it fester - I was just bewildered when it all came back this week after going away for four months. Not sure why that is, other than that he allowed himself to be vulnerable and confide some things in me. I'm a heel. I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can you tell me where to find this man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cheat and I still love my DH but this guy is handsome, intelligent, well-educated, has travelled the world and I find him to be charming, kind and decent. If I was still single and didn't have children I would pursue him in a heartbeat. I find myself thinking about him more the more I get to know him. I'm glad I don't plan to stay at my job for more than another year or so. I plan to avoid lunches, happy hours, etc with him b/c I think it is just inviting danger.

Advice? Similar stories?

Very good idea, I say this with experience.

traveled the world wtf does that mean?

Has worked and lived overseas; speaks a foreign language fluently. He is single BTW, so PP can relax that it's not her DH.

Can you tell me where to find this man?

I know - I need to figure out how to set him up with my sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time you think about him, stop, and think about your DH. Make a list of all the things your DH does, and the ways he is, that are great. Keep looking at it. Have more sex with him - branch out and do different stuff. Tell him you want more of a connection. Work on your marriage. Stay away form the guy, and don't let yourself fantasize. It will go away. Watch out, it is a slippery slope.

I know. And I do. The funny thing is that when I listed out all of the things I like about work guy, they are all qualities DH has. And I know that work guy comes with his own baggage and that even if I did act, it would turn weird and the luster would wear off anyway. Trust me - I know. I think one of the big things is that DH and I rarely have time to talk anymore. And when we do, it's about our kids or the house or some other mundane thing that has to be taken care of. With work guy, when we do have time to talk it's about politics and the world and interests, etc etc because we can. I miss being able to talk to DH like that, and I've told him. He knows. We are trying to make more time to spend together - getting a babysitter more often and whatnot. I'm not letting it fester - I was just bewildered when it all came back this week after going away for four months. Not sure why that is, other than that he allowed himself to be vulnerable and confide some things in me. I'm a heel. I know.[/quote

I am the pp who wrote the post you responded to above. It sounds like you may have some senses about you, but you are still at a dangerous point and should really be careful, OP. I wrote that because that is exacty how my DH described what happened when he had his emotional affair.....that I had the same qualities as her, even better than her, that the appeal was that they got to talk about other stuff besides real life stuff, etc.... It just sounds so much the same. This is how otherwise decent people slide down the slippery slope and end up in a mess and hurting everyone, including themselves. That is a warning for everyone. It could totally change your life. Now we may or may not keep our marriage together, and it is 3 years after the affair, and we are still struggling. Some of it is from other things, but honestly, a big part is from the damage from the affair. Be careful you aren't already developing an emotional affair, by the way. Don't talk to him about anything else except work. Period. He should not be "vulnerable and confiding things in you" - you guys are already going too far emotionally! I am not trying to be nasty, but just give good advice. As someone who was on the other side, I sure wish I had someone to shake my DH and give him a wake up call right at the juncture you are at - before it goes further. It would have saved do much pain, and our marriage. So consider this you wake up call.

[Anonymous]

oops, my response it in blue in my previous post just now - still there though -