Insensitive Drs at Childrens (overweight child)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this posted in the special needs forum? Last I checked, obese does not = special needs.

you are a dick

and to quote the OP

"can i just say that I posted in the SN forum because I expected a bit of compassion. Yes i know my daughter is fat. She knows that she is fat. She told me "mom I dont want to go to the doctor if they are going to tell me something that I can look in the mirror and see". and honestly she is right. she saw a nutritionist and now is on the right path. yes she knows that she has more weight to lose. She went to Childrens back in August and since then has lost 15 more lbs. I understand that doctors hate fat, but unless they have some magic shot to make her loose all the excess weight in 1 day, then everytime we go in for anything, we don't need to hear about how she is overweight. Obviously she is working on that,, and there is nothing else that she can do to expedite the weight loss process other than continue exercising and eating right."

im the op. yes i thought that SN parents would be the compassionate caring side of DCUM. no i didnt want you all to just "tell me what i want to hear". but i guess i was looking for a bit of understanding. seeing the amount of hatred that people who do not know me or my family can give.. makes me cry. this website is out of control. like i said before, i know my dd is fat. she knows too, she is trying to better herself. but the constant rudeness coming from an online forum is despicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this posted in the special needs forum? Last I checked, obese does not = special needs.

you are a dick

and to quote the OP

"can i just say that I posted in the SN forum because I expected a bit of compassion. Yes i know my daughter is fat. She knows that she is fat. She told me "mom I dont want to go to the doctor if they are going to tell me something that I can look in the mirror and see". and honestly she is right. she saw a nutritionist and now is on the right path. yes she knows that she has more weight to lose. She went to Childrens back in August and since then has lost 15 more lbs. I understand that doctors hate fat, but unless they have some magic shot to make her loose all the excess weight in 1 day, then everytime we go in for anything, we don't need to hear about how she is overweight. Obviously she is working on that,, and there is nothing else that she can do to expedite the weight loss process other than continue exercising and eating right."

im the op. yes i thought that SN parents would be the compassionate caring side of DCUM. no i didnt want you all to just "tell me what i want to hear". but i guess i was looking for a bit of understanding. seeing the amount of hatred that people who do not know me or my family can give.. makes me cry. this website is out of control. like i said before, i know my dd is fat. she knows too, she is trying to better herself. but the constant rudeness coming from an online forum is despicable.

OP here is no hatred on the thread. Some people disagreed with you. Some people challenged your perceptions. Some people agreed with you. Some people offered suggestions. A couple people said things that could be perceived as mean. There was not constant rudeness or hatred in the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this posted in the special needs forum? Last I checked, obese does not = special needs.

you are a dick

and to quote the OP

"can i just say that I posted in the SN forum because I expected a bit of compassion. Yes i know my daughter is fat. She knows that she is fat. She told me "mom I dont want to go to the doctor if they are going to tell me something that I can look in the mirror and see". and honestly she is right. she saw a nutritionist and now is on the right path. yes she knows that she has more weight to lose. She went to Childrens back in August and since then has lost 15 more lbs. I understand that doctors hate fat, but unless they have some magic shot to make her loose all the excess weight in 1 day, then everytime we go in for anything, we don't need to hear about how she is overweight. Obviously she is working on that,, and there is nothing else that she can do to expedite the weight loss process other than continue exercising and eating right."

im the op. yes i thought that SN parents would be the compassionate caring side of DCUM. no i didnt want you all to just "tell me what i want to hear". but i guess i was looking for a bit of understanding. seeing the amount of hatred that people who do not know me or my family can give.. makes me cry. this website is out of control. like i said before, i know my dd is fat. she knows too, she is trying to better herself. but the constant rudeness coming from an online forum is despicable.

OP here is no hatred on the thread. Some people disagreed with you. Some people challenged your perceptions. Some people agreed with you. Some people offered suggestions. A couple people said things that could be perceived as mean. There was not constant rudeness or hatred in the thread.

PP, are you serious??? Posters on this thread have told the OP she is in denial, essentially told her she's a bad parent for "letting" her daughter get fat, and outright accused her of lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this posted in the special needs forum? Last I checked, obese does not = special needs.

I agree. It doesn't belong here and OP isn't going to get the support and compassion she wants. DCUM including the SN board hates fat because weight is considered something people have (or should have) control over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

im the op. yes i thought that SN parents would be the compassionate caring side of DCUM. no i didnt want you all to just "tell me what i want to hear". but i guess i was looking for a bit of understanding. seeing the amount of hatred that people who do not know me or my family can give.. makes me cry. this website is out of control. like i said before, i know my dd is fat. she knows too, she is trying to better herself. but the constant rudeness coming from an online forum is despicable.

OP here is no hatred on the thread. Some people disagreed with you. Some people challenged your perceptions. Some people agreed with you. Some people offered suggestions. A couple people said things that could be perceived as mean. There was not constant rudeness or hatred in the thread.

PP, are you serious??? Posters on this thread have told the OP she is in denial, essentially told her she's a bad parent for "letting" her daughter get fat, and outright accused her of lying.

I guess we interpret posts differently. What I see as challenging her on her perceptions or disagreement you see as hatred. Not everyone saw the medical team as being insensitive for offering nutritional support or for using clinical language in an assessment report - to me that isn't hatred. DCUM is not the place to post if all you want it sympathy and hugs and commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who was having some health issues and was told by 2 different doctors it was caused by her weight. She felt fairly humiliated and did not seek another opinion. She lost weight and began a pretty aggressive exercise routine, yet her problems persisted. She finally saw a 3rd doctor who diagnosed her with a problem that had ZERO to do with her weight, and was not even exacerbated by her weight. While she was able to treat the issue, she has long lasting effects because it took so long to treat.

This happens *all the time.* I am healthier than many thin people, and my only real medical problem is congenital, and is the reason it's so hard for me to exercise. Yet when there's something I want to get checked out, I have to wade through the lazy doctors who assume weight is the problem without exploring the same options they would for a thin person. For me, blaming weight in the absence of any signs of weight-related health problems is the A#1 sign of a shitty doctor, but that prejudice is everywhere.

[Anonymous]

The OP needs to go to the Ombudsman at Childrens and find out all the doctor's names so you can be specific about your treatment. An over all "we were treated badly" will not help as much as we were treated like such and such by Dr. ..., Nurse...

That is what the ombudsman is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP needs to go to the Ombudsman at Childrens and find out all the doctor's names so you can be specific about your treatment. An over all "we were treated badly" will not help as much as we were treated like such and such by Dr. ..., Nurse...

That is what the ombudsman is for.

I totally agree! I also think there are a LOT of non-SN posters here. This thread reads more like OT or GP, not SN. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who was having some health issues and was told by 2 different doctors it was caused by her weight. She felt fairly humiliated and did not seek another opinion. She lost weight and began a pretty aggressive exercise routine, yet her problems persisted. She finally saw a 3rd doctor who diagnosed her with a problem that had ZERO to do with her weight, and was not even exacerbated by her weight. While she was able to treat the issue, she has long lasting effects because it took so long to treat.

This happens *all the time.* I am healthier than many thin people, and my only real medical problem is congenital, and is the reason it's so hard for me to exercise. Yet when there's something I want to get checked out, I have to wade through the lazy doctors who assume weight is the problem without exploring the same options they would for a thin person. For me, blaming weight in the absence of any signs of weight-related health problems is the A#1 sign of a shitty doctor, but that prejudice is everywhere.

I agree this happens. Same thing with mental illness/addiction/chronic illnesses (fibro /chronic fatigue). Everything else gets ignored written off as related to mental health/addiction/chronic illness. This isn't what happened to OP though.

[Anonymous]

OP, harsh pp here. Your daughter had a hormone imbalance and gained weight. It was corrected when she was 12 but she is 16 and still 235 pounds. Yet you are overweight also. Due to hormones also? There is just so much denial in your post. You've convinced yourself that everyone hates you and your daughter - doctors, strangers, nurses. No one hates you. They just are concerned because you seem to think it's fine that your daughter is morbidly obese because she is (1) pretty and (2) wears a reasonable size.

Re (1) - Fat people are not ugly and evil! Because your daughter is pretty doesn't mean she isn't fat. You can be fat and be happy! Fat and pretty! Fat is not doom and gloom. It's just incredibly unhealthy, especially on a child. You are making this ABOUT SOMETHING IT IS NOT. It is about health. Nothing else. Your daughter is not carrying 15 pounds. She is carrying an extra 100 pounds.

(2) Plus size 14-16 bear no relation to straight size 14 -16s. She could easily be a size 20 and still fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, harsh pp here. Your daughter had a hormone imbalance and gained weight. It was corrected when she was 12 but she is 16 and still 235 pounds. Yet you are overweight also. Due to hormones also? There is just so much denial in your post. You've convinced yourself that everyone hates you and your daughter - doctors, strangers, nurses. No one hates you. They just are concerned because you seem to think it's fine that your daughter is morbidly obese because she is (1) pretty and (2) wears a reasonable size.

Re (1) - Fat people are not ugly and evil! Because your daughter is pretty doesn't mean she isn't fat. You can be fat and be happy! Fat and pretty! Fat is not doom and gloom. It's just incredibly unhealthy, especially on a child. You are making this ABOUT SOMETHING IT IS NOT. It is about health. Nothing else. Your daughter is not carrying 15 pounds. She is carrying an extra 100 pounds.

(2) Plus size 14-16 bear no relation to straight size 14 -16s. She could easily be a size 20 and still fit.

WTF are you talking abt (#2)

I am a plus sized woman (not op) and I know that in a store that goes up to size 16 it is the same sizing. it is a measurement, im sure when OP/s dd goes into any womens dept, and puts on a "20" it is too big. considering any size over like 12 is "plus sized" it doesnt matter. Do you think that all plus sized clothes are just huge tarps that are ones size fitst anyone from size 12 to size 52?

[Anonymous]

Pp is talking about vanity sizing. She May wear a 14/16 but in reality, she is probably a 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doctors would also mention the issue and refer to a nutritionist if your daughter was severely underweight. It isn't a fat issue, it is a health issue.

yes but 1. its easier to gain weight than it is to lose weight and even then if likely wouldnt be instantaneous.

Its not true that its easier to gain weight than to lose it. Just saying that reflects a value judgment on your part toward overweight people, not facts. Most people who are underweight are because of a medical condition. If you are thin because of genetics or whatever, its not the same as being underweight. Sometimes people are underweight because of an eating disorder -- which is extraordinarily difficult to overcome in many cases. Sometimes its because of a medical condition -- and there are many that could cause this. I have a digestive disorder and have had to work with a nutritionist to keep weight on. It is a lot more difficult than you think.

[Anonymous]

I am the mother of a child with SN and I am absolutely appalled by many of these posters. Why are people screaming at OP that her DD is fat? She knows this, she's written this. Are you concerned that she doesn't feel enough shame? And who are you to judge who should post here. OP's DD has a medical condition. parents post about that sort of thing here all the time.

I'm ashamed, actually. The SN board used to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp is talking about vanity sizing. She May wear a 14/16 but in reality, she is probably a 20.

This.

But also the PP is right, the size 14/16 in a plus size store is larger than the standard 14 or 16 in a regular department store. I just went through those sizes and that's how I know. I could fit into a 14/16 at the plus size store with no problems but not be able to get into a 14 at Ann Taylor for example. The cut of clothing at the plus size stores was definitely fuller.