Insensitive Drs at Childrens (overweight child)

[Anonymous]

ok, pps who are freaking about the weight, you completely lost sight of OP's post. She did not say that her DD wasn't fat...what she objected to is that her DD came in with a head injury, and the docs started harping on her weight, and basically calling her fat. Even if it is protocol to be seen by a nutritionist when you are obese, there are better/more sensitive ways to go about it than what OP described.

Yes, OP's DD is fat/obese/whatever. OP AND her DD know this. This thread is not about that. It is about the rudeness of docs/people in general (clearly demonstrated on this thread) when they encounter a person who is obese. For those of you admonishing OP about her involvement in DD's life, and getting her to a nutritionist...how do you know she isn't already doing that, and that is why she lost the weight (instead of "starving herself")? Lay off, clearly they recognize that this a problem and are working to fix it. But the point of the post was to deplore the fact that her DD faces this kind of ridicule and rudeness from everyone, even medical professionals who should know better.

OP, I'm sorry you and your DD went through that. I agree that perhaps a "grown up" doc would be better for your DD. Perhaps you can find a family practice doc, if a PCP won't see her. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides of what pp's are saying. She should absolutely be commended for losing the 35 lbs - that's a lot, and takes commitment and work. She doesn't deserve to be treated in any way that might embarrass her!

That said - you do seem to be in denial, OP. I am 5'7 and 175 lbs, struggling with weight as well. I'm a size 12-14. Your daughter is not a size 14 at 5'4 230 lbs, and she doesn't have good eating habits unless she has a serious metabolic issue. Her weight is a serious health issue that will likely only get worse as she gets older. I suspect that the doctors saw it as a health issue - similar to if she were say, wheezing or had a twisted limb or something when she presented with a condition somewhat unrelated.

I suspect that what the pp's you see as rude are trying to imply is that your being in denial about her weight isn't helping her. She should be commended but you both need to be realistic about her situation and keep supporting her - and that doesn't mean explaining and excusing the situation away.

I agree with this post. Clearly, there's a serious health issue that needs to be resolved. And, OPs unhappiness with health care providers for acknowledging this issue and failing to use OP-approved language for discussing the serious health issue is distracting her from resolving the problem. That said, when it comes to threads focusing on someone who's seriously obese, there's an underlying viciousness (well, not always underlying) that comes out in postings. Happens consistently.

[Anonymous]

Doctors hate fat. It's the way they are trained: surgeons don't like operating on fat people, PCP see it as a precursor to diabetes, stroke, etc. Has about as much stigma as smoking.

Sorry OP that you felt Children's was being insensitive but anyone who is obese will encounter the same no matter what issue they go to the hospital for. Yes, if you are obese and go to the hospital for your appendix, broken leg, whatever, they will also the fact that you are obese. It's a relevant health issue.

[Anonymous]

I happen to have epilepsy. When I went to the ER about a sprained ankle, I am not interested in being lectured about the importance of taking my epilepsy medications, having a consult with a neurologist, or otherwise receiving extraneous advice about managing epilepsy. Nor do I appreciate random ER personnel acting as if they have more expertise than I do about epilepsy protocols.

I believe the same is true in this situation. OP's daughter has been dieting for months. Why would ER personnel assume she is ignorant of nutrition, that she needs to know about the dangers of obesity, that her file needs to be red-flagged for "the diet talk," that she and her mother are in denial. It's absurd. Ask, don't assume.

[Anonymous]

Obesity is more like smoking. You can't expect to go see a doctor for whatever and not have them comment on it. Not saying it's right but that's the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I happen to have epilepsy. When I went to the ER about a sprained ankle, I am not interested in being lectured about the importance of taking my epilepsy medications, having a consult with a neurologist, or otherwise receiving extraneous advice about managing epilepsy. Nor do I appreciate random ER personnel acting as if they have more expertise than I do about epilepsy protocols.

I believe the same is true in this situation. OP's daughter has been dieting for months. Why would ER personnel assume she is ignorant of nutrition, that she needs to know about the dangers of obesity, that her file needs to be red-flagged for "the diet talk," that she and her mother are in denial. It's absurd. Ask, don't assume.

They didn't have to assume anything. The evidence was right there.

The hospital could have offered this young girl assistance with weight loss and instead her mom just got all over sensitive. Who's to say the DD didn't desperately want the help being offered but refused when she saw how upset the suggestion that she was fat caused her mom?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I get the feeling OP is being over sensitive and prefer Children's not mention that her DD is obese at 5'4" and 240lbs because she's working on it. Unfortunately, ignoring the elephant in the room is probably how DD got so big in the first place.

[Anonymous]

OP: what is your height/weight/BMI?

I'm asking because this often plays into the dynamics between mother/daughter, and into how we react to other's advice regarding it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, she is not a size 14. Don't be ridiculous.

Thinking this is not an issue because she is "beautiful" is also stupid. This is a health issue, not a popularity contest.

My guess is that you have no idea what is really going on in her life or how she is losing the weight. Plug in NOW.

yes she is a 14/16. all of her clothes that either she purchases are either a 14 (or 16). depending on brand, but there is a pretty even mix of both sizes. and no they are not stretched out and forced to fit like one pp said. she (and I!) makes sure all her clothes fit properly and she does not go for the "muffin top" look. we even joke about her friend who is a size 4s laying down to squeeze into a size 0 when she is perfect at a 4 and you good (and generally better) wearing your size. i have been in a store with her, and if something doesnt fit she will get a larger size or just not get it. I did not say this is not an issue because she is beautiful, I was simply saying that as a person physically and socially (i guess is the term) she is beautiful. She has lost weight by eating healthily, and working out as said in the OP. no she is not starving herself or even taking pills.

To the pp wondering how she gained the weight, she was always a heavier "pudgy" kid. and then during middle school she put on more weight, but when puberty really hit, it kinda evened out and in a way distributed evenly so no one part of her body is "huge" but she is just "thicker" (not a great deal of belly/back fat) just an all over extra body weight.

And to the PP who asked what I look like, I am 5'10 266. so yes i am quite heavy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she was in there for a head injury. But she also presented with a weight problem.

RN who posted above you here. Yes, it is a weight issue and I'm sure OP and her daughter know that her weight is unhealthy. That said, she was hospitalized for a head injury. I don't think any type of consult done with a nutritionist is really going to stick, as I'm sure OP and her daughter were thinking about more serious issues at the time . . .

NP here. Although it's been awhile, I was a team coordinator in brain injury programs. Nutritional consult was an extremely important part of the protocol for brain injury treatment for purposes of healing, especially in more severe cases. Weight was never a factor in determining whether a consult was done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I get the feeling OP is being over sensitive and prefer Children's not mention that her DD is obese at 5'4" and 240lbs because she's working on it. Unfortunately, ignoring the elephant in the room is probably how DD got so big in the first place.

I thought the same thing. HOW did such a young girl end up so incredibly, incredibly obese? It's almost like child abuse, feeding your child that much food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, she is not a size 14. Don't be ridiculous.

Thinking this is not an issue because she is "beautiful" is also stupid. This is a health issue, not a popularity contest.

My guess is that you have no idea what is really going on in her life or how she is losing the weight. Plug in NOW.

yes she is a 14/16. all of her clothes that either she purchases are either a 14 (or 16). depending on brand, but there is a pretty even mix of both sizes. and no they are not stretched out and forced to fit like one pp said. she (and I!) makes sure all her clothes fit properly and she does not go for the "muffin top" look. we even joke about her friend who is a size 4s laying down to squeeze into a size 0 when she is perfect at a 4 and you good (and generally better) wearing your size. i have been in a store with her, and if something doesnt fit she will get a larger size or just not get it. I did not say this is not an issue because she is beautiful, I was simply saying that as a person physically and socially (i guess is the term) she is beautiful. She has lost weight by eating healthily, and working out as said in the OP. no she is not starving herself or even taking pills.

To the pp wondering how she gained the weight, she was always a heavier "pudgy" kid. and then during middle school she put on more weight, but when puberty really hit, it kinda evened out and in a way distributed evenly so no one part of her body is "huge" but she is just "thicker" (not a great deal of belly/back fat) just an all over extra body weight.

And to the PP who asked what I look like, I am 5'10 266. so yes i am quite heavy too.

So, you joke about another child's weight and appearance when you and your daughter are obese. Yet you're offended when nurses write the words "obese soft belly" to describe your child's "obese soft belly." Wow.

[Anonymous]

Nutritional consults are done frequently in the hospital for a variety of reasons. I am not sure why one wouldn't want to benefit from expertise offered to them from someone who specializes in the field.

Your daughter is carrying an excess 100 pounds of fat on her body - that is a health issue. It is great she is working on it on her own but why wouldn't you want additional support. Her weight is not her identity, she isn't defined by her weight. Doctors addressing her weight are not personally attacking her, they are addressing a health concern.

Saying soft obese belly is just clinical language of an abdominal assessment. To say it was soft is a good finding, obese indicates the excess fat present on assessment. They are just describing their physical assessment.

[Anonymous]

I am 5'6, currently 155 lbs and I wear a size 10-12.

You sound like you are in denial. Yes, you love her and are protective but you can't turn a blind eye to her health. Medical professionals are the ones who should be addressing the obesity issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nutritional consults are done frequently in the hospital for a variety of reasons. I am not sure why one wouldn't want to benefit from expertise offered to them from someone who specializes in the field.

Your daughter is carrying an excess 100 pounds of fat on her body - that is a health issue. It is great she is working on it on her own but why wouldn't you want additional support. Her weight is not her identity, she isn't defined by her weight. Doctors addressing her weight are not personally attacking her, they are addressing a health concern.

Saying soft obese belly is just clinical language of an abdominal assessment. To say it was soft is a good finding, obese indicates the excess fat present on assessment. They are just describing their physical assessment.

ITA. OP's DD is morbidly obese and should be under a doctor and nutrionist's care to help her lose weight. At this point your child needs professional help and should not be expected to lose the weight on her own.