Is a nice big house really worth it when an older, smaller one is totally adequate?

[Anonymous]

If a child/ teenager feels he or her is being judged by the size of their home, there is something seriously wrong with their values. We purposely live well below our means, live in small but close in mortgage free home and have enough money to retire and we're in our 40s. We take great vacations, though (great memory builders). We feel that our family is what makes our home special, not the size.

Having a large home does not make a family happier and anyone that believes that is crazy!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

Irony alert!

Ha ha, I noticed that, too!

I don;t get it. PLease explain for the thick headed.

The poster is saying that the big houses in Potomac are the peasants, but it is ironic because you would assume that the big houses in Potomac are big shots - but are not intellectuals. Probably not strict irony, but funny in a witty way. And a back-handed put down of Potomac and crassness. That's my interpretation. Others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The short answer is, yes. When my kids got old enough to have playdates, some of their friends remarked on the size of our rambler. They were young enough that the remarks from the kids weren't mean spirited, just genuine surprise. It made an impression on our kids, especially when they saw how some of their friends were living.

We eventually moved up to a bigger house. Not because of that incident, mind you. But my kids are now basically on par with their friends.

OP here. Thanks, PP! I was getting quite fed-up with the remarks of all the self-righteous and hypocritical people who do not acknowledge that yes, your kids will be judged by where they live. DH and I would otherwise be perfectly content with living in a condo. FYI, we also drive 8 and 9 y.o. cars that we had bought for 15k.

Sure, I acknowledge that it happens, but I teach my children to: 1) realize that people like that are insecure and/or have shallow values, and, 2) to never judge other people by their outside trappings. Just because it happens doesn't mean you need to allow it to affect you and your family.
Yes, my children have come home sad about comments other children have made about, for example, a clothing item with the "wrong" brand name, but we have discussed the fact that that family has different values than ours. (If it continues, we might talk to the teacher about possible bullying behaviors, but that's a completely different topic! )
You are right, you will never get away from people who judge others in that way, but if you believe that that is wrong, than you learn to ignore status conscious people and teach your children to do the same. No, it is not easy, but worth it in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a child/ teenager feels he or her is being judged by the size of their home, there is something seriously wrong with their values. We purposely live well below our means, live in small but close in mortgage free home and have enough money to retire and we're in our 40s. We take great vacations, though (great memory builders). We feel that our family is what makes our home special, not the size.

Having a large home does not make a family happier and anyone that believes that is crazy!!!!!!!!

Hasn't this point been made already? The OP may have been looking for advice on local mores. Suggesting that she might be "crazy" is mean.

And, of course, congratulating yourself on your own humility and restraint is, by its very nature, immodest. Sounds like you want people to know you take great vacations (something many of us can't afford) and to buy "small but close in" homes to protect your equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

Irony alert!

Ha ha, I noticed that, too!

I don;t get it. PLease explain for the thick headed.

The poster is saying that the big houses in Potomac are the peasants, but it is ironic because you would assume that the big houses in Potomac are big shots - but are not intellectuals. Probably not strict irony, but funny in a witty way. And a back-handed put down of Potomac and crassness. That's my interpretation. Others?

Hmm, I saw the irony as being that the poster wanted their child's peer group to be intellectuals, but the poster was using poor spelling and grammar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question is whether you care about the opinions of kids who would stigmatize others because of the size of their house (when small houses are already 800K.) Really, OP, can't you see how ridiculous this is?

It's people who worry about this that are the creators of the stigma, and it sounds like you are one of them.


Buy what suits you and feels appropriate for your family (and in an ideal world, what is also at least somewhat environmentally responsible)

+1

We live in a 1500sf cape, and it is Teen Central around here. Our kids' friends are in an out, make themselves at home, love being here, because it is warm and homey and there's always a lot of good food and music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is whether you care about the opinions of kids who would stigmatize others because of the size of their house (when small houses are already 800K.) Really, OP, can't you see how ridiculous this is?

It's people who worry about this that are the creators of the stigma, and it sounds like you are one of them.


Buy what suits you and feels appropriate for your family (and in an ideal world, what is also at least somewhat environmentally responsible)

+1

We live in a 1500sf cape, and it is Teen Central around here. Our kids' friends are in an out, make themselves at home, love being here, because it is warm and homey and there's always a lot of good food and music.

LOL i like the part about good music. Is that your's or your kids heh.

[Anonymous]

OP, you already obviously have made your opinion, I am not sure what you are trying to gain from this post. Buy what is important to you and what will make you feel comfortable. Who cares.

[Anonymous]

We live in a small house and drive a 10 year old car, but this is our third home and we are millionaires. If people ever look sideways at our home, I find this amusing, because we can buy their home cash. They don't have any idea what other RE holdings or things we have and I just like it better this way. I am sure some think we are poor, LOL. The less people know about our financial situation the better it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a small house and drive a 10 year old car, but this is our third home and we are millionaires. If people ever look sideways at our home, I find this amusing, because we can buy their home cash. They don't have any idea what other RE holdings or things we have and I just like it better this way. I am sure some think we are poor, LOL. The less people know about our financial situation the better it is.

Good for you, what's the point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is whether you care about the opinions of kids who would stigmatize others because of the size of their house (when small houses are already 800K.) Really, OP, can't you see how ridiculous this is?

It's people who worry about this that are the creators of the stigma, and it sounds like you are one of them.


Buy what suits you and feels appropriate for your family (and in an ideal world, what is also at least somewhat environmentally responsible)

+1

We live in a 1500sf cape, and it is Teen Central around here. Our kids' friends are in an out, make themselves at home, love being here, because it is warm and homey and there's always a lot of good food and music.

LOL i like the part about good music. Is that your's or your kids heh.

Both.

My kids' friends are always here, always. Many of them walk in without knocking, they are so comfortable here. They have out in our livingroom, tiny partially-finished basement, and on the deck. We don't have a family room or den, but that doesn't seem to matter. Many of them live in larger houses better-suited to hanging out in a group, but they prefer our place. They cram themselves into our boxy little rooms, LOL.

Sometimes it drives me bonkers but mostly I love it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, should say *hang* out, not *have* out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

Irony alert!

Ha ha, I noticed that, too!

I don;t get it. PLease explain for the thick headed.

The poster is saying that the big houses in Potomac are the peasants, but it is ironic because you would assume that the big houses in Potomac are big shots - but are not intellectuals. Probably not strict irony, but funny in a witty way. And a back-handed put down of Potomac and crassness. That's my interpretation. Others?

haha. thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The short answer is, yes. When my kids got old enough to have playdates, some of their friends remarked on the size of our rambler. They were young enough that the remarks from the kids weren't mean spirited, just genuine surprise. It made an impression on our kids, especially when they saw how some of their friends were living.

We eventually moved up to a bigger house. Not because of that incident, mind you. But my kids are now basically on par with their friends.

OP here. Thanks, PP! I was getting quite fed-up with the remarks of all the self-righteous and hypocritical people who do not acknowledge that yes, your kids will be judged by where they live. DH and I would otherwise be perfectly content with living in a condo. FYI, we also drive 8 and 9 y.o. cars that we had bought for 15k.

Sure, I acknowledge that it happens, but I teach my children to: 1) realize that people like that are insecure and/or have shallow values, and, 2) to never judge other people by their outside trappings. Just because it happens doesn't mean you need to allow it to affect you and your family.
Yes, my children have come home sad about comments other children have made about, for example, a clothing item with the "wrong" brand name, but we have discussed the fact that that family has different values than ours. (If it continues, we might talk to the teacher about possible bullying behaviors, but that's a completely different topic! )
You are right, you will never get away from people who judge others in that way, but if you believe that that is wrong, than you learn to ignore status conscious people and teach your children to do the same. No, it is not easy, but worth it in the end.



so why don't you just move into the city where everyone gets to live in a tiny old house (regardless the price)... and you won't even have to teach your kids that the differences in income stratas shouldn't matter, but it's the people themselves that matter.

I went to the uppity rich public hs with all the rich kids, although my family was not, and while my parents taught me that saving for the important things (college, etc.) was better than having a big fancy house, the reality is, I did not enjoy being around those stuck up brats, and especially realized this after I moved away for college, etc.

[Anonymous]

As a kid, I grew up in the rambler that my parents still live in today in a good school district.

I never remember thinking as a kid/ teen "damn I really wish our house had another floor, bedroom, etc." Hell we barely had a backyard and I did not care.

I was thinking more about getting a car and a boyfriend.

I think your midset is a bit warped OP.