At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is all of you who say that a HHI of over 1 million cannot afford a 1.7 million house So, WHO is affording all these houses in DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase. Practically every house in the nice neighborhoods are over 1.2 million! Does everyone in these neighborhoods make over 1 million? I thought you were supposed to use some sort of calculation like 3X your annnual salary is what you can afford in house (assuming at least 20% down). Any realtors out there want to give us an inside scoop on who is buying the "average" CC/Bethesda/NW home?
Personally - we rent an apartment and are nowhere near these numbers - so I can't relate on any level........just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 1.7m is too much to spend in your situation, OP. Your HHI is healthy (obviously), but your savings are pretty low for that HHI, so I think you need to allocate more of your income to savings than to mortgage interest.

I did not see any estimate of your current monthly/yearly spend, which could have a big impact on the answer. You also don't say how stable (or not) your incomes are.

I'd recommend targeting homes in the 1.3m range (plus/minus 200k). We're in a comparable situation to you, and that's our target.

well that's unreasonable....if that WERE reasonable, then you're also telling me that all those people buying a $1.7M house make MORE THAN $1M a year? get real.

OP - do what you're both comfortable with for god's sake. If I made $1M a year I'd be looking at a house no less than $2M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is all of you who say that a HHI of over 1 million cannot afford a 1.7 million house So, WHO is affording all these houses in DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase. Practically every house in the nice neighborhoods are over 1.2 million! Does everyone in these neighborhoods make over 1 million? I thought you were supposed to use some sort of calculation like 3X your annnual salary is what you can afford in house (assuming at least 20% down). Any realtors out there want to give us an inside scoop on who is buying the "average" CC/Bethesda/NW home?
Personally - we rent an apartment and are nowhere near these numbers - so I can't relate on any level........just curious.

I think we can afford this much, hence my dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HHI is a bit over 1M, healthy accessible savings of $750K, and we are about $500K apart with how much house we can afford. What is reasonable, and how do we resolve this?

I sense troll.

What couple with a HHI of over $1m with that much in savings posts such an inane question on this forum?

either troll or "working mom" who feels the need to brag to cover up some insecurities

seriously - Move on if your real.

No troll. Why is this an inane question? Seeking opinions on how to bridge a philosophy difference, and hoping for facts to back it up. Should I post in relationship forum? Not bragging. If you are more comfortable answering the questions with different numbers (still the same fundamental dilemma) please see below.

FOR THE THIRD TIME:
Wow. Not asking for sympathy. Just for conflict resolution and how to go about it. If it makes everyone happier, divide everything in half or in 1/4ths- still the same problem and still trying to ascertain comfort level. How about "We make about $250K per year, have a healthy savings of $200K, but are $150K apart on how much house we can afford" What can we really afford and how do we go about it? Is that more palatable?

[Anonymous]

to answer 12:27's question re who is buying these 1.7 million houses.

I can easily afford that with hhi around 500,000 but current equity in real estate around 1.5 million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is all of you who say that a HHI of over 1 million cannot afford a 1.7 million house So, WHO is affording all these houses in DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase. Practically every house in the nice neighborhoods are over 1.2 million! Does everyone in these neighborhoods make over 1 million? I thought you were supposed to use some sort of calculation like 3X your annnual salary is what you can afford in house (assuming at least 20% down). Any realtors out there want to give us an inside scoop on who is buying the "average" CC/Bethesda/NW home?
Personally - we rent an apartment and are nowhere near these numbers - so I can't relate on any level........just curious.

And there are posters here telling OP that she is not saving enough ("read MIL. next door") and is supposed to go with her husband's number!

We make 200k, have 200k+ in cash and think we can afford about 450k home (we don't like anything in that range so we are still renting). Virtually everyone thinks we could afford more. And yet, with OP's money we would look at ~2 mil easily. Even more than that, if the house is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:700k is too far to bridge. Find an actual option (or a few) which physically demonstrate the difference it would mean for your family and lifestyle now and over the years.

A realtor would be more than happy to work with you on this. BUT, you have got to come down from the 700k. Make it 1.3 and your husband may be persuaded.

Men are visual. Show him something real that respects his more conservative approach

This poster is spot on. In your case, it isn't a matter of what you can afford, it's about what it is worth to both of you. If you make it but being able to handle the 700K extra, you are missing the point. If you go looking at houses, what can you get for 1million versus 1.2 vs 1.4 vs 1.7? Does your DH value the differences, say a closer commute, enough space in the basement if you have family visiting that they can have their space, an entertainment room he always wanted, a big yard, a place known for being a great community with a pool part of that neighborhood etc. Then you have to weigh what you would gain as you go up the price range against what you give up to get there. Does this mean financially cutting back on vacations or if he had been thinking about a beach house, if you own other properties does this increase risk should you have an issue with rent, does it preclude this dream of a career that makes less money but would be more satisfying, or the chance for someone to stay at home with the kids.

Even if you could go 1.7 and not be cutting off options in terms of career or lifestyle, it could come down to DH not thinking it is worth it. Just because we can afford keeping our house toasty in the winter and cool in the summer doesn't mean we are willing to spend the extra money to do so. I'm wearing my winter lingerie (aka sweatpants and sweatshirt) as I'm typing because to truly be toasty is not something we are willing to pay an extra $100/month, rather put on sweatshirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K

Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

[Anonymous]

Pp (17:31) where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K



Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

Who exactly do you think we are trying to keep up with and why is my post absurd? Find me a 4-5BR home in walking distance to a metro stop or main artery bus stop with commutes to downtown DC in ~30minutes during rush hours, in Fairfax, Arlington or Montgomery County with a decent sized yard for under $1M. It sounds like you spent almost 4x your combined yearly salary on a house, and it just so happens my husband is not comfortable going much above 1x a yearly salary. I wish he would move to 1.5 or 1.75x but he's not convinced. I'm glad you are comfortable in your situation, our situation would be improved if we could agree to move into the scenario above, within our price range.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:700k is too far to bridge. Find an actual option (or a few) which physically demonstrate the difference it would mean for your family and lifestyle now and over the years.

A realtor would be more than happy to work with you on this. BUT, you have got to come down from the 700k. Make it 1.3 and your husband may be persuaded.

Men are visual. Show him something real that respects his more conservative approach

This poster is spot on. In your case, it isn't a matter of what you can afford, it's about what it is worth to both of you. If you make it but being able to handle the 700K extra, you are missing the point. If you go looking at houses, what can you get for 1million versus 1.2 vs 1.4 vs 1.7? Does your DH value the differences, say a closer commute, enough space in the basement if you have family visiting that they can have their space, an entertainment room he always wanted, a big yard, a place known for being a great community with a pool part of that neighborhood etc. Then you have to weigh what you would gain as you go up the price range against what you give up to get there. Does this mean financially cutting back on vacations or if he had been thinking about a beach house, if you own other properties does this increase risk should you have an issue with rent, does it preclude this dream of a career that makes less money but would be more satisfying, or the chance for someone to stay at home with the kids.

Even if you could go 1.7 and not be cutting off options in terms of career or lifestyle, it could come down to DH not thinking it is worth it. Just because we can afford keeping our house toasty in the winter and cool in the summer doesn't mean we are willing to spend the extra money to do so. I'm wearing my winter lingerie (aka sweatpants and sweatshirt) as I'm typing because to truly be toasty is not something we are willing to pay an extra $100/month, rather put on sweatshirt.

I appreciate we'll thought out and insightful answers. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K

Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

Where do you live? Seriously?

Actually I buy the 60k a year since my full time nanny is around 40k or so after pay + taxes.

[Anonymous]

Have you look at houses with your husband OP? My husband wants to spend less, but now that we've been looking he's starting to get how much what he wants costs. Have you gotten pre-qualified with a mortgage broker? Have you broken down how much payments are before and after taxes. If you've done all that then I don't know maybe your husband is just miserly?

And just curious what do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp (17:31) where do you live?

+1
And where are you commuting to?