I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.

This argument, while often used, is bogus. There are far fewer members of my ethnic/ cultural group than there are Jewish people, but that doesn't mean I need to protect my identity and way of life at the expense of excluding my kids from other traditions and beliefs (including Jewish).

[Anonymous]

My kid has been to so many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that we've lost track of the number. It's a pain driving all over MoCo, and expensive, but we do it so he can share his friends' faith milestones and learn respect for others. I imagine if we started saying "no" to some of these, maybe the friends who aren't so close, you'd interpret it as anti-semitism. It's a little frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was raised Baptist, but considers himself to be agnostic. I'm not religious, but I am somewhat traditional and DH agreed before we got married that our children would be raised Jewish. MIL lives in the south, and even though she's very open minded, she just hasn't had exposure to Jewish people. For instance, she wanted us to get married in a church, and I had to explain to her why that it's not appropriate.
She seems to be so proud of her church and talks about the choir and performances they have there. I'm considering going one time with her, while DS is still young enough not to know what's going on and this really is a favor to MIL, since she wants to share this with us so badly. I'm just concerned that she will want to take DS to church regularly and doesn't understand that this will be confusing to him and not what we want him identifying with.

So, will going one time be enough to make her happy or will it open up a can of worms?

You won't get the Jesus cooties if you go, OP.

You're overthinking this. My Methodist church has long held interfaith activities with a local synagogue. Frankly, our society would benefit if we all sought to better understand the faiths of others so that we can work to find common ground rather than fight over differences.

BTW, something doesn't compute here... A Southern Baptist church doesn't do music. Period.

Southern Baptist does do music. Church of Christ doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been to so many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that we've lost track of the number. It's a pain driving all over MoCo, and expensive, but we do it so he can share his friends' faith milestones and learn respect for others. I imagine if we started saying "no" to some of these, maybe the friends who aren't so close, you'd interpret it as anti-semitism. It's a little frustrating.

9:50 again. I also remember well several threads in the past year where one or more of you has identified as being Jewish and then proceded to trash Christian, especially Catholic (I'm not Catholic), beliefs. It adds to the frustration. It also makes the poster(s) doing it look really ugly, although I presume the posters writing "I'm Jewish and here's my rant about Catholic beliefs or Church-operated whorehouses " (yes, that was a real post) don't care. I also assume the poster(s) are trashing anonymously, too. I realize that the vast majority of you find this behavior appalling.

In any case, no worries. My DS will still be coming to your kid's Bar Mitzvah. Moreover, I would never say a word to him about what some of you reveal on DCUM, because my goal is that he be respectful of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.

Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.

Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.

I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.

Recrute? I think you mean recruit. No, we all do not. I think that would be incredibly disrespectful to someone else's religious choices. As a Catholic, this goes doubly for me if the other religion in question is Judaism, which we are taught to revere and respect. Honestly, if I were no longer going to be Catholic, I would convert to Judaism rather than choose some other Christian sect. So, please, don't paint all Christians with such a broad brush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been to so many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that we've lost track of the number. It's a pain driving all over MoCo, and expensive, but we do it so he can share his friends' faith milestones and learn respect for others. I imagine if we started saying "no" to some of these, maybe the friends who aren't so close, you'd interpret it as anti-semitism. It's a little frustrating.

Mother of bar mitzvah boy here -- we invite your children because we think they will enjoy it. And to share in our pride. If you don't want to come, don't come. I can't imagine any Jewish parent thinking that if someone declines a bar mitzvah invitation that they are anti-semitic. I don't have any idea why you are frustrated. This isn't some kind of obligation. If its frustrating, don't go. Seriously, I don't want you to come if you think its some kind of burden. With that kind of attitude I'd much rather you stay home.

My, Jewish, kids will decline bar/bat mitzvah invitations if they have something else going on or don't feel close enough to the child or are just burned out on the whole thing. They aren't being anti-semitic.

[Anonymous]

I didn't see whether anyone has raised this issue yet, but one consideration should be whether you are attending a church service where your son will be taught that those outside of the faith are "going to hell." Having been told this by some very conservative Baptist-raised children as a child, I'd certainly take umbrage with my own child being exposed to such nonsense. So I'd say, it depends. If you're kid is going with his grandmom to a non-offensive service (i.e., a service that doesn't preach against non-believers), then an occasional outing with grandmom isn't a big deal. But I'd drop dead before sending my Jewish kid to his Christian grandmother's church if he was being taught he was lesser than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been to so many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that we've lost track of the number. It's a pain driving all over MoCo, and expensive, but we do it so he can share his friends' faith milestones and learn respect for others. I imagine if we started saying "no" to some of these, maybe the friends who aren't so close, you'd interpret it as anti-semitism. It's a little frustrating.

Mother of bar mitzvah boy here -- we invite your children because we think they will enjoy it. And to share in our pride. If you don't want to come, don't come. I can't imagine any Jewish parent thinking that if someone declines a bar mitzvah invitation that they are anti-semitic. I don't have any idea why you are frustrated. This isn't some kind of obligation. If its frustrating, don't go. Seriously, I don't want you to come if you think its some kind of burden. With that kind of attitude I'd much rather you stay home.

My, Jewish, kids will decline bar/bat mitzvah invitations if they have something else going on or don't feel close enough to the child or are just burned out on the whole thing. They aren't being anti-semitic.

You missed the point. My kids attend your kid's bar/bat mitzvah and all the other bar/bat mitzvah's they've been invited to. Whereas OP is complaining about a single church service. The difference? We teach our kids to respect others' faiths, whereas OP is battening down the hatches. That was the point.

[Anonymous]

OP, none of us know your MIL and are thus unable to properly answer your question.

If she is the type that respects your religion, will not try to proselytize, and has no problem with Jewish grandkids then going to church once or twice is fine.

If she is the type that will attempt to adopt this is a regular thing then don't do it, even once. You should know her well by this point and know which category she falls under.