I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.

Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.

Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.

I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.

OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.

I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.

+ 1

+ 2

PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.

FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.

There are far fewer grandmas of OP's DC, so I doubt that is a meaningful argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.

Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.

Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.

I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.

OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.

I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.

+ 1

+ 2

PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.

FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.

Actually there are far fewer blonde/blue-eyed folks than Jews. Look where that thinking got everyone in WWII...food for thought.

Food for thought....there are quite a few blonde, blue-eyed Jews. Including my family. Not mutually-exclusive categories.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why you should expose you kids to other religions. The Jewish lady on this thread is crazy! Her intolerance for other religions is the exact reason she has to cling so dearly to hers. Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's not about exposing her DS to other religions. It's about the MIL getting the wrong idea and thinking she can bring DS into the church & that way if life. Give an inch take a mile idea

based on what?
Op just wants to use religion as an excuse to distance her mil

That is an abuse of religion, not what it was designed for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.

Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.

Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.

I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.

OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.

I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.

+ 1

+ 2

PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.

FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.

PP, your post reinforces what the quoted PP said: "sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice."

We all know (and I'm sure the quoted PP understands) that there are far fewer Jewish than Christian people in this world and that you feel compelled to protect your way of life. That is a separate conversation, however, than the one about children learning and understanding *all* of their background, Christian and Jewish - no matter how they self-identify. In that (latter) conversation, the relative numbers of people who are Jewish versus Christian are irrelevant. What is relevant is the family identity (all of it).

If you are truly raising your children to self-identify as Jewish, then you needn't feel threatened by their exposure to other religions. If you do feel threatened, maybe you need to step up the work you are doing on creating their Jewish self-identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BTW, something doesn't compute here... A Southern Baptist church doesn't do music. Period.

I was raised a Southern Baptist in the deep south. This is definitely false.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was raised Baptist, but considers himself to be agnostic. I'm not religious, but I am somewhat traditional and DH agreed before we got married that our children would be raised Jewish. MIL lives in the south, and even though she's very open minded, she just hasn't had exposure to Jewish people. For instance, she wanted us to get married in a church, and I had to explain to her why that it's not appropriate.
She seems to be so proud of her church and talks about the choir and performances they have there. I'm considering going one time with her, while DS is still young enough not to know what's going on and this really is a favor to MIL, since she wants to share this with us so badly. I'm just concerned that she will want to take DS to church regularly and doesn't understand that this will be confusing to him and not what we want him identifying with.

So, will going one time be enough to make her happy or will it open up a can of worms?

You won't get the Jesus cooties if you go, OP.

You're overthinking this. My Methodist church has long held interfaith activities with a local synagogue. Frankly, our society would benefit if we all sought to better understand the faiths of others so that we can work to find common ground rather than fight over differences.

BTW, something doesn't compute here... A Southern Baptist church doesn't do music. Period.

Not sure where you're from. I was raised Southern Baptist, and music was a huge part of the services, and has been in every southern Protestant church I've ever attended (whether majority white or black). In fact, I was shocked at the first catholic service I attended, when music seemed to be such an afterthought. My current Episcopal church has an outstanding music director, so I asked him what church he grew up in. Aure enough -- Southern Baptist.

For OP - it is not unusual for Southern churches to place great pride in their music, and they like sharing it with people of all different faiths. I would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why you should expose you kids to other religions. The Jewish lady on this thread is crazy! Her intolerance for other religions is the exact reason she has to cling so dearly to hers. Sad!

Yes sad.

[Anonymous]

All of you are nuts!

Any secure person isn't going to freak out over someone else's religion!

bottom line!

[Anonymous]

Eh, what's wrong with the kid seeing what church is like? It's culturally enriching. Explain to ds you believe differently but sometimes it is good to see how others worship. Baptists can be normal but stimes weirdly conservative so I would go with ds so u can discuss and expunge and weird things he may have heard ("no, ds, women should not submit to their husbands, we don't believe that").

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she just wants to show ds off to her friends at church? I think you should go but if u don't want to maybe u could go to the coffee hour after the service.

[Anonymous]

I would not go. I would definitely not allow your son to go. If you are raising him Jewish, he should not go to church. IMO, this would be a huge lapse in judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.

Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.

Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.

I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.

OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.

I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.

+ 1

+ 2

PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.

FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.

+100000. People who aren't Jewish just don't understand this.

[Anonymous]

You're right, I don't understand this. It sounds a little insecure at best, and intolerant at worst.

[Anonymous]

Judaism is an insular religion, where you are chosen by God, or not. Inclusivity isn't important in this context.