I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
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Anonymous
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DH was raised Baptist, but considers himself to be agnostic. I'm not religious, but I am somewhat traditional and DH agreed before we got married that our children would be raised Jewish. MIL lives in the south, and even though she's very open minded, she just hasn't had exposure to Jewish people. For instance, she wanted us to get married in a church, and I had to explain to her why that it's not appropriate.
She seems to be so proud of her church and talks about the choir and performances they have there. I'm considering going one time with her, while DS is still young enough not to know what's going on and this really is a favor to MIL, since she wants to share this with us so badly. I'm just concerned that she will want to take DS to church regularly and doesn't understand that this will be confusing to him and not what we want him identifying with. So, will going one time be enough to make her happy or will it open up a can of worms? |
Anonymous
| Send your husband with your son and skip it. I think it would be a nice thing to do, but it isn't something I would do. |
Anonymous
| I am Catholic and I wouldn't go. |
Anonymous
actually, DH is way more uncomfortable gong to church |
Anonymous
| I totally depends on what your mother in law is like. I would probably make a comment on how it's nice for your son to see religions other than his own, but then again I can be passive aggressive. |
Anonymous
| If you aren't religious than this just seems like her sharing another tradition. It's not like you have to worry about his confusion over Jesus and what will that do to his belief in the Jewish faith. Sharing multiple cultural traditions does not seem fraught with conflict. |
Anonymous
| I would go. I think you are just trying to connect with your MIL. That's very admirable. |
Anonymous
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I'm Jewish and have been to church as a cultural and neighborly experience. Just make sure your MIL understands that's why you are going, and that not being religious is not the same thing as not having a faith. I find that sometimes Evangelical Christians do not understand this and mistake Jews' lack of outward religiosity for being a sign that we need a religion.
Something like "Bonnie, since it's important to you, I'd be happy to go along to First Baptist on a Sunday and meet your friends there. They do know I'm Jewish, right?" |
Anonymous
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Personally, I find your whole religious belief system puzzling.
You say you're raising him Jewish but claim you're not religious. So did you have a bris, for example? Are you having a bar mitzvah in the years to come? How do you handle holidays - Christian and Jewish? Do you put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with dreidels? I think the kid will be confused enough with a Jewish mom who clings to tradition, a father who's agnostic, and a grandmother who loves her Jesus. I'm befuddled! I need more info. How old is your child?
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Anonymous
| Up to you 100%, but I'm in a similar situation (child is Muslim, grandmother is Christian). It seemed harmless at first but grandmother is pushing hard to convert grandchild to Christianity. Not out of any malice or anything. Church us her whole life and she wants to share. |
Anonymous
| If MIL lives in the south, how would she take her grandchild to church regularly? |
Anonymous
| I don't like going to evangelical churches, personally. I have been to a couple along in a friendly way (Christmas pageant, etc) and won't go again. The ones I went to actively encourage their congregation to "show people the light" and I don't want to be shown their version of the light. I always wind up being offended by the judgements they express during the service. I wish them all the best in their faith but I am perfectly happy with my own and don't want to be converted, and wish there was respect/tolerance for that. That said, if this is your mother-in-law, maybe she is just asking you for social/cultural/entertainment reasons? Hopefully she gets that a Jewish woman is not likely to convert. |
Anonymous
| I would go, but also take her to synagogue so that DS (and MIL) sees this as a mutual thing. |
Anonymous
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Same set-up here. So much of MIL's social life revolves around the church. She doesn't seem to separate being religious or practicing her religion from "doing" life, you know? It permeates every aspect of it.
I took DC once, as an infant, when she was performing with her church choir. He was too young to know anything. Then years later, around age 8, she invited us to see how the church had decorated for Christmas (for like the 50th time) so we agreed and popped over one day after school, for a half hour. DS said, "Whoa!" and tried to get him to agree on how beautiful it was, how great it'd be to have a tree in our house b/c of how great it smells and he just shut her down. "We have the smell of potato latkes around Hanukah." After a few more exchanges like that, I think DS saying it was nice, but a little overwhelming may have deflated her. She treats our rejecting her religion the way some people treat a friend who won't give up smoking. "My way is healthier, it's proven, and if you ever want to come over to my side, I will be ready to help you in every way possible!" but she only says it once a year. |
Anonymous
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I'd go, I'm Jewish DH is not. His father sang in the choir and we took dd to hear him. We explained that her grandparents go to church and we got to temple and theyre both nice places to be. Keep it simple, it's only a big deal and confusing if you let it be.
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