I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure what "the wrong message" would be.

I would because I want my children to be friends with all people regardless of their religious beliefs. I want them to love and respect others no matter what religious ceremonies they attend.

I am Catholic and we live in MoCo so eventually they will go to a Bar Mitzva.

To me that send the correct message not the wrong message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was raised Baptist, but considers himself to be agnostic. I'm not religious, but I am somewhat traditional and DH agreed before we got married that our children would be raised Jewish. MIL lives in the south, and even though she's very open minded, she just hasn't had exposure to Jewish people. For instance, she wanted us to get married in a church, and I had to explain to her why that it's not appropriate.
She seems to be so proud of her church and talks about the choir and performances they have there. I'm considering going one time with her, while DS is still young enough not to know what's going on and this really is a favor to MIL, since she wants to share this with us so badly. I'm just concerned that she will want to take DS to church regularly and doesn't understand that this will be confusing to him and not what we want him identifying with.

So, will going one time be enough to make her happy or will it open up a can of worms?

You won't get the Jesus cooties if you go, OP.

You're overthinking this. My Methodist church has long held interfaith activities with a local synagogue. Frankly, our society would benefit if we all sought to better understand the faiths of others so that we can work to find common ground rather than fight over differences.

BTW, something doesn't compute here... A Southern Baptist church doesn't do music. Period.

[Anonymous]

Mu DH is Jewish and I am Christian, although neither of us is very religious anymore. However, both sets of parents are religious and are active members of their religious congregations (sit on the board, sing in choir, etc.) We have both gone to our spouses' parent's services since we started dating. I go to the High Holiday services with his parents, he goes to candlelit service on Christmas eve with my family. I really think you are thinking about this problem with your mother-in-law in the wrong way. You are "willing" to go once under protest as long as the kid is young enough not to remember? Why do you feel like exposing him to other traditions is such a threat? We explain to our kids that people have lots of different traditions/beliefs that are special to them and when something is special to somebody you love then you take an interest in it and share it with them in the way you can even if you don't share their belief. Now, neither of our families are on the fundamentalist side of our respective religions and I can see how your situation might be complicated by the extreme nature of your IL's religion, but I would see if you can go with her not just once but for special occasions, show her that you respect her beliefs even if you don't share them, you appreciate the music she loves so much, etc. None of this will turn your kid Christian, but it will make him understand the world a little better and his grandmother a lot more.

[Anonymous]

OP I would be very careful and clear. No offense to your MIL but I would be concerned that your MIL harbors a desire to convert your child/you/DH to her religion. I am catholic (DH is not) and we are raising our kids catholic. My MIL takes every opportunity to have side conversations with my kids about what they think about being catholic and try to engage them in thinking about other religions (and eventually hers). So I would definitely go with your son but clear with him and her why and that nothing is changing in his religious upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Just follow the 4th commandment
Honor your mother and father

Interprit it how you like. This woman raised your man. You do have to honor your mother and father regardless of what their beliefs are.
Go because it means a lot to her and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I find your whole religious belief system puzzling.

You say you're raising him Jewish but claim you're not religious. So did you have a bris, for example? Are you having a bar mitzvah in the years to come? How do you handle holidays - Christian and Jewish? Do you put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with dreidels?

I think the kid will be confused enough with a Jewish mom who clings to tradition, a father who's agnostic, and a grandmother who loves her Jesus.

I'm befuddled!

I need more info.

How old is your child?

Guess what? This isn't about you and your need for the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I find your whole religious belief system puzzling.

You say you're raising him Jewish but claim you're not religious. So did you have a bris, for example? Are you having a bar mitzvah in the years to come? How do you handle holidays - Christian and Jewish? Do you put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with dreidels?

I think the kid will be confused enough with a Jewish mom who clings to tradition, a father who's agnostic, and a grandmother who loves her Jesus.

I'm befuddled!

I need more info.

How old is your child?

Guess what? This isn't about you and your need for the details.[/quote

You probably wrote the most impressive research papers in college.

not very bright are you? You need info before giving advice.

Or perhaps I hit a sore spot? Why else would you post such a rude response?

[Anonymous]

My kids, who are Jewish but non-religious, occassionally attend Christian services for a family member's Christening and a couple other occassions. We bring crayons and books, and they manage to get though it. They think its boring, and are glad they don't have to go often.

As a child, I went a couple times to Methodist services and was slightly traumatized by it, although I'm sure that wasn't the intention of anyone there. The services we go to now have less emphasis on Jesus than those though.

[Anonymous]

I would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids, who are Jewish but non-religious, occassionally attend Christian services for a family member's Christening and a couple other occassions. We bring crayons and books, and they manage to get though it. They think its boring, and are glad they don't have to go often.

As a child, I went a couple times to Methodist services and was slightly traumatized by it, although I'm sure that wasn't the intention of anyone there. The services we go to now have less emphasis on Jesus than those though.

Bottom line is this - If you're "Jewish" but not religious, then it's just about tradition. So religion is not very significant. I don't even think you can call yourself Reform, as there is the assumption that the religious aspects are somewhat significant.

My husband is Jewish, but not practicing. (His siblings are to some extent, as we have attended a Bris and Bat Mitzvah.)

I am Catholic, and my kids are being raised as such. While we celebrate Jewish holidays with his family, it's more of a gathering. With my family, however, religion is not absent. We attend church, for example, and my children are receiving the sacraments. So they are not confused, as they recognize that Catholicism is their main religion. I have no problem if they decide to ignore religion when they become adults or if they decide to convert. But in growing up, I wanted them anchored to something, and b/c religion plays are larger role in my life than it does in my husband's, my kids are being raised Catholic.

But when things are so gray - as in OP's case - I can't see how OP can claim she's raising her son according to Jewish beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I find your whole religious belief system puzzling.

You say you're raising him Jewish but claim you're not religious. So did you have a bris, for example? Are you having a bar mitzvah in the years to come? How do you handle holidays - Christian and Jewish? Do you put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with dreidels?

I think the kid will be confused enough with a Jewish mom who clings to tradition, a father who's agnostic, and a grandmother who loves her Jesus.

I'm befuddled!

I need more info.

How old is your child?

Guess what? This isn't about you and your need for the details.

You probably wrote the most impressive research papers in college.

not very bright are you? You need info before giving advice.

Or perhaps I hit a sore spot? Why else would you post such a rude response?

Not the poster you're responding to but if you “find [OP’s] whole religious belief system puzzling” then you really aren’t in a position to provide advice. OP’s situation isn’t unusual. Plenty of other people understand her and can provide advice without the need for additional information. Feel free to start your own thread if you want to learn more about inter-faith marriages.

[Anonymous]

This is not interfaith if OP is not a practicing Jew. It's a cultural issue, not a religious one.

If the child is not attending religious services or is not receiving religious instruction, what's the big deal?

It's not as though OP is religious role model - and neither is her husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I find your whole religious belief system puzzling.

You say you're raising him Jewish but claim you're not religious. So did you have a bris, for example? Are you having a bar mitzvah in the years to come? How do you handle holidays - Christian and Jewish? Do you put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with dreidels?

I think the kid will be confused enough with a Jewish mom who clings to tradition, a father who's agnostic, and a grandmother who loves her Jesus.

I'm befuddled!

I need more info.

How old is your child?

Guess what? This isn't about you and your need for the details.

You probably wrote the most impressive research papers in college.

not very bright are you? You need info before giving advice.

Or perhaps I hit a sore spot? Why else would you post such a rude response?

Not the poster you're responding to but if you “find [OP’s] whole religious belief system puzzling” then you really aren’t in a position to provide advice. OP’s situation isn’t unusual. Plenty of other people understand her and can provide advice without the need for additional information. Feel free to start your own thread if you want to learn more about inter-faith marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mu DH is Jewish and I am Christian, although neither of us is very religious anymore. However, both sets of parents are religious and are active members of their religious congregations (sit on the board, sing in choir, etc.) We have both gone to our spouses' parent's services since we started dating. I go to the High Holiday services with his parents, he goes to candlelit service on Christmas eve with my family. I really think you are thinking about this problem with your mother-in-law in the wrong way. You are "willing" to go once under protest as long as the kid is young enough not to remember? Why do you feel like exposing him to other traditions is such a threat? We explain to our kids that people have lots of different traditions/beliefs that are special to them and when something is special to somebody you love then you take an interest in it and share it with them in the way you can even if you don't share their belief. Now, neither of our families are on the fundamentalist side of our respective religions and I can see how your situation might be complicated by the extreme nature of your IL's religion, but I would see if you can go with her not just once but for special occasions, show her that you respect her beliefs even if you don't share them, you appreciate the music she loves so much, etc. None of this will turn your kid Christian, but it will make him understand the world a little better and his grandmother a lot more.

I totally agree with this poster. Both my husband and I are Jewish, but his family is much more practicing than mine. They are also somewhat close-minded and judgemental about other religions, traditions, etc. I'm not going to raise my kids like that so any exposure I can provide to them of other beliefs and traditions, I am going to take advantage.

[Anonymous]

Don't make being jewish a problem
Clearly you are not religious. Just using your religion as a way to distance yourself from your mil
Find other ways. Why use religion for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure what "the wrong message" would be.

I would because I want my children to be friends with all people regardless of their religious beliefs. I want them to love and respect others no matter what religious ceremonies they attend.

I am Catholic and we live in MoCo so eventually they will go to a Bar Mitzva.

To me that send the correct message not the wrong message.

+1

Southern Baptist churches can be very fun (great music, lively). OP there is nothing religiously preventing you from going. Someday your son will decide whether to celebrate Jewish, Christian or both traditions. If you push too much he might not enjoy it as much.