S/O being excluded from birthday parties

[Anonymous]

PP here. * Person. I don't think they are the same person.

[Anonymous]

My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

[Anonymous]

PP - good point. I thought OP was the same as the poster who didn't invite classmate to the smaller party. But, in going back and re-reading the first few posts I re-read this post and found it funny how she characterized the potty-mouthed girl vs. her own snowflake: LOL, the potty mouthed girl "marched" up and "demanded" to know why she wasn't invited while the snowflake simply repeated that she had a potty mouth and thus wasn't invited. Seriously made me laugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

[Anonymous]

you might want to check out the mean girl thread ....

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/222300.page#2242704

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

Did your DD attend her party?

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.

Wow. That is harsh. Did you read pp's post? Only FIVE kids were invited to the party. FIVE. Not the whole class minus potty mouth. I wouldn't have made my DD invite her either. She's 7, I think she's old enough to decide which five girls to invite to her party.

[Anonymous]

This seems like the same few people quoting and attacking the OP. Happens all of the time on this site. You can totally tell by reading the responses. There are maybe 5 real posts from others..............

[Anonymous]

1. Other girl with party invited her list of attendees to her party.
2. 5-person party girl completely separately and independently invited her 5 girls to her own party.
3. Not everyone made the 5 girl cut.
4. This other girl had completely control over whom she invited to her party.
5. Everyone seemed to attend only those parties they were invited to.
What's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so up in arms that someone allowed their child to invite just 5 people to her birthday party. Just because this other girl had a party that same weekend doesn't mean the OP had to change their plans. She had a 5 person party. What's the big deal? Are people not allowed to have small parties anymore? And if you opt for a small party, but someone else didn't, that means you can't go to that party? That doesn't make sense to me.

Please read the thread. This is NOT about small parties (I think small parties are great, personally). This is about defending your 7 year old DD's decision to exclude a girl from her birthday party, even as the DD attended other girl's birthday party that very same weekend.

I did read the thread. And it does seem like people are more concerned that the invitation wasn't reciprocated. That because she got to go to the other girl's party, that other girl should have been able to go to hers. I don't think that's necessarily true. People decide what size parties they want to have. She had her 5 person party. The other girl had a larger party. What in god's name is the problem? This is like saying, "You invited me to your wedding. I chose to attend that wedding. Now, even though I'm having a family-only wedding, I have to invite you to my wedding because I went to yours." No sense.

I think you're missing the point that the girl specifically wanted to exclude the other girl - and had no qualms about telling her that - while at the same time going to the other girl's party. I think it would have been a whole other issue if it really was limited to just 5 girls and the mother said, sorry, you only get 5 and the other girl didn't make the cut - which is similar to your wedding example. However, the mom (OP) specifically said that after they got the other girl's invite, she told her daughter they'd make room for the other girl. the dd said no because of XYZ. Then turns around and goes to her party. Does that now make sense?

Hold on there, buster. You just said dd "had no qualms about telling her that."

In fact, dd didn't say anything about it until she was *put on the spot* by the other child who demanded to know why she hadn't been invited. By all of YOUR reasoning, she's a rude little witch because she put dd on the spot.

And for that matter, the third party girl who marched up to the excuded girl and told her ALL about the second party is a bitch too. By your reasoning, that is.

My dd didn't say a THING until confronted. She should have said, "I'm so sorry, my guest list was small and set before I received your invitation" but she is 7 years old so she said what she really thought.

Think what you want, but please stop asigning malice here. You're awful. Beyond awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Other girl with party invited her list of attendees to her party.
2. 5-person party girl completely separately and independently invited her 5 girls to her own party.
3. Not everyone made the 5 girl cut.
4. This other girl had completely control over whom she invited to her party.
5. Everyone seemed to attend only those parties they were invited to.
What's the problem?

The problem is:
1. The way that OP's DD responded to the situation was impolite--she should have just said it was a space issue and left it at that. And OP should have told her the proper way to handle it instead of letting a 7 yo handle a sensitive situation like this.
2. When 99% of responders disagreed with the OP, instead of acting like an adult and accepting that maybe it was not handled properly, he acted like a jerk. If you don't want people's feedback, don't ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Other girl with party invited her list of attendees to her party.
2. 5-person party girl completely separately and independently invited her 5 girls to her own party.
3. Not everyone made the 5 girl cut.
4. This other girl had completely control over whom she invited to her party.
5. Everyone seemed to attend only those parties they were invited to.
What's the problem?

The problem is:
1. The way that OP's DD responded to the situation was impolite--she should have just said it was a space issue and left it at that. And OP should have told her the proper way to handle it instead of letting a 7 yo handle a sensitive situation like this.
2. When 99% of responders disagreed with the OP, instead of acting like an adult and accepting that maybe it was not handled properly, he acted like a jerk. If you don't want people's feedback, don't ask for it.

Uh, I didn't ask for feedback. I told a story. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

It sounds like your child is inherently nicer than you are. I hope that she is not too swayed by your poor parenting to keep these instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

You do realize this is an anonymous message board, I hope?

[Anonymous]

I actually find this thread reassuring. I was one of the first few posters who thought that anti-poop poster's dad (?) was being unreasonable. I wasn't sure that others would feel the same, but it seems that most do feel that parent's behavior was not very kind.

I'm reassured that most parents are trying to do the right thing and raise compassionate, caring kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't know - shouldn't the bday kid have any consideration? Shouldn't that kid decide who her friends are and invite those kids? Seriously as an adult, if you are organizing a party at work, and you invite some co-workers, but not all, doesn't that make sense to you? Just think about it from an adult perspective here. I don't think it makes sense to invite kids that your child doesn't like to your child's bday party. This makes no sense to me. It doesn't mean the kid is a bad kid. It means she wants to have fun on her bday at her own bday party.