Mean girl behavior ... would you tell the mom?

[Anonymous]

So in the time honored tradition of fifth grade, a mean girl has taken hold, established a clique, and is proceeding to make the other girls' lives miserable. DD has talked about it, and now I'm finding out that many other girls are saying the same.

The queen bee's mom is nice enough but very high profile in the school, does a LOT for the PTA, etc. I am friendly with her but we are not friends.

Would you talk to the mom?

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to the teacher? I think the teacher needs to be the first one to broach the subject.

Given who the mom is, are you surprised that her daughter is a mean girl?

[Anonymous]

Well, yes and no. I mean, the mom is very active but she's not mean or anything. The daughter is also head of student government, president of this and that, always chosen for things ...

[Anonymous]

How about talking with your daughter to help her brainstorm ways she can deal with the other girl? It won't be the last time she has to deal with mean girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar situation in my DD's 5th grade class. DD wanted to go to the teacher but did not know how to start. So I emailed the teacher saying that DD needed time for a private conversation. The teacher later thanked me as she was unaware of the situation. The school counselor was also brought in (separately).

[Anonymous]

talk to the teacher - and I would also recommend reading some books on it - this will not be the last time you encounter this and having language to talk about it is important.

I own the following 2 books and think they are good resources - but I am sure other parents have recommendations as well:
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

Odd Girl Out, Revised and Updated: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls


Also - read the reviews of these books on Amazon - you will see there are parent's like you trying to figure out how to navigate this space.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Thank you for those recommendations -- I will check them out!

[Anonymous]

I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

But what if it doesn't stop? We have this issue with a girl in the 3rd grade and the girl is still 'the mean girl'.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

But what if it doesn't stop? We have this issue with a girl in the 3rd grade and the girl is still 'the mean girl'.

I would raise it with the school counselor, and cc: the teacher. (If you are still not seeing improvement, then personally I would go up to the principal.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I own the following 2 books and think they are good resources - but I am sure other parents have recommendations as well:
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

Odd Girl Out, Revised and Updated: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

These are great recommendations! I also suggest Little Girls Can Be Mean by Michelle Anthony. Ditto to reading the Amazon reviews, too, as it is somehow comforting to know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

But what if it doesn't stop? We have this issue with a girl in the 3rd grade and the girl is still 'the mean girl'.

have you read any of the recommended books? The mean girl issue is not about telling the teacher (the teacher usually clueless and thinks the mean girl is sweet as pie), it is about giving the other girls the power and tools to deal with the mean girl.... or working with a counselor who is able to focus on this issue and support it through working with the class possibly over multiple years.

best of luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that the mean girl's mom should know. If it was me, I sure as hell would want to know if my kid was the jerk aka bully.

If the teacher is informed, the mean girl's parents are informed by the teacher, after addressing the issue with the mean girl.

But what if it doesn't stop? We have this issue with a girl in the 3rd grade and the girl is still 'the mean girl'.

We have this in 3rd grade right now. I'm struck that this "mean girl" is also on the SGA and knows exactly how to act in front of adults. Plenty of mothers, teachers, coaches etc. would be surprised at the nasty, mean things she does. She has targeted my DD for a while and my DD is learning that this mean girl is quite a manipulator. Girls, unlike boys, are much more clever at hiding their actions.

Interestingly, both parents are very highly-strung. The dad routinely yelled at her on the sidelines of soccer if she missed a shot (and she was the best player on the team). My point is, that, often the parents are at the root of these problems.