Someone please explain me marriage in America

[Anonymous]

There is such a chasm between "I don't want him to know I spent $200 on another dress" and "this lack of transparency means we're not fully in".

We have joint accts because we started off that way when we had no money. Whoever actually had a few bucks paid for the beers. We moved in together, kept separate credit cards, even though half the charges might have been for thE other person. At the end of the month we were both close to empty. Now we have money, and a budget. We do what we want within our own rules and don't question each other. As we enter yet another year without a raise, we've had to make changes to the rules. No big deal.

I can totally see how separate accts could help a loving couple stay within the boundaries they set for themselves. Not my choice, but not my business.

As for the Op: any post that starts out "why do Americans do something differently than I do. They must be flawed"

[Anonymous]

Will be met with distaste by those of us who live here.

[Anonymous]

FYI, my husband makes less than me and he handles the finances but we have joint and separate accounts. I also didn't change my name. He was the one who said don't o it, we both had retirement, paychecks, investments before. I have student loans, he as a townhouse. He was more concerned that it would get screwed up and aware of how difficult it would be or me to change my name. We discus everything, have each others passwords and it is not difficult to transfer money. It comes right out of our paychecks into all the different accounts. We have joint financial goals and a joint budget. Different strokes for different folks. Besides if I took his name, everyone tells me it sounds like a strippers name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems to indicate that many of your marriages are based more on sharing finances and having joint accounts than on other priorities and goals. Money isn't everything, lady. It's important, but it's not everything.

Joint goals ARE an important part of marriage, including financial ones.

[Anonymous]

Why do any of you care? And, how can you -whatever the side- just the status, solidarity, etc. of someone else's marriage based on whether or not bank accounts are shared?
It's just bizarre.

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Lol, unless you are a movie star its hilarious that women dont take their husbands last names. When I am at the bar I target these married women because they are easier to pick up than single ones because of their lack of commitment and want to assert independence. Theses women always have their feelers out for other men because they don't really like being tied down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have separate accounts, and honestly, it would feel weird to me to do things the way you do them, the same way it would be weird to share an email account with my husband or to have a shared cell phone. I have my bank account, where my checks go, and he has his. We don't share credit cards. Our names are both on the mortgage and the utilities, but that's it. It works for us to have one person designated to deal with mortgage, one person designated to deal with the power bill, water bill, daycare bill, etc.

I say "it would feel weird to me" because while I love my husband and our marriage is great, it is important to me that we also maintain our independence. People are probably going to throw out ideas like "what if you get divorced" and I agree that in the extremely unlikely event that we were to divorce, you would have a harder time separating financially from your husband than I would. To me, getting a joint bank account when I got married felt exactly the same as changing my name. Why would I give up the name I've always had? Why would I close the bank accounts and credit card accounts that predate my marriage in favor of a new, joint account? It was not a symbolic gesture that I wanted to make.

If it sounds like I am judging the way you do things, that is probably a little bit true, but your post seems to assume that my marriage is "abnormal" because we don't share a bank account and that's ridiculous. My bank account number has NOTHING to do with my marriage.

So, you really were NOT "all in" on your marriage.

Oh, be realistic. When 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, no one is immune. People who have been happily married for 30 years get divorced. Most people enter marriage expecting it to last but half just end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, unless you are a movie star its hilarious that women dont take their husbands last names. When I am at the bar I target these married women because they are easier to pick up than single ones because of their lack of commitment and want to assert independence. Theses women always have their feelers out for other men because they don't really like being tied down.

You sound extremely immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, unless you are a movie star its hilarious that women dont take their husbands last names. When I am at the bar I target these married women because they are easier to pick up than single ones because of their lack of commitment and want to assert independence. Theses women always have their feelers out for other men because they don't really like being tied down.

Beyond stupid. Do you also ask if it's their married name? How else would you know? How many married women hang out in bars without their husbands anyway? Probably skews your "study". Tool.

[Anonymous]

dh and I have been very happily married for 14 years and we have separate accounts. No trust issues and we have both been "all in" from day one....not that it's been easy! We have our issues like everyone else and have to make the effort to nurture our marriage. interestingly not one of our issues stems from our lack of joints accts! We tend to be more focused on how to reconcile slight differences in parenting styles and stuff like that. So, don't make assumptions...you have no idea what goes on in a marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married young becuase I was LUCKY to have found the one early in life, not everyone meets the person of their dreams early in life. I don't ASSume that eveyone else has had the same fate in life as me.

Furthermore, studies show that people who get married later in life have a lower divorce rate than those who marry early.

10:04 and your ilk, how do you explain that? I would think that people who have "trust" issues would have a higher divorce rate than those who don't have trust issues. Why are the trusting people so prone to divorce?

Obvioulsy. If you get married at old age you run out of time to get divorced... LOL

[Anonymous]

*obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, unless you are a movie star its hilarious that women dont take their husbands last names. When I am at the bar I target these married women because they are easier to pick up than single ones because of their lack of commitment and want to assert independence. Theses women always have their feelers out for other men because they don't really like being tied down.

You don't have to be a movie star to make a name for yourself professionally. I guess you don't ever plan to make a professional name for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married young becuase I was LUCKY to have found the one early in life, not everyone meets the person of their dreams early in life. I don't ASSume that eveyone else has had the same fate in life as me.

Furthermore, studies show that people who get married later in life have a lower divorce rate than those who marry early.

10:04 and your ilk, how do you explain that? I would think that people who have "trust" issues would have a higher divorce rate than those who don't have trust issues. Why are the trusting people so prone to divorce?

Obvioulsy. If you get married at old age you run out of time to get divorced... LOL

HA! True

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, unless you are a movie star its hilarious that women dont take their husbands last names. When I am at the bar I target these married women because they are easier to pick up than single ones because of their lack of commitment and want to assert independence. Theses women always have their feelers out for other men because they don't really like being tied down.

Oh wow you are so wrong. I kept my maiden name so it would survive another generation, and because I was 34 when I got married and didn't see the point of changing it.