Someone please explain me marriage in America

[Anonymous]

I do think it is a little creepy to join, like having one joint email address as your only address.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I did not work outside the home.

[Anonymous]

We're like the pp who has the separate accounts and part of it (a big part for us) is the accounting of it. We have 3 accounts mine, his, and ours - but we are joint on all the accounts. The ours account is where all the bills get paid. we have joint credit cards and those get paid by the ours account too. but the mine and his accounts are our free money. We can save up to buy something expensive, or I can splurge on clothes or he can buy whatever he wants.

Anonymous wrote:I guess my question is -- why do you need "Your" money and "my" money?

All our accounts are joint and I still buy whatever I want.

It's so much easier to balance the books with separate accounts. We both know I won't dip into the ours account to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes or jewels at the same time he dips in to buy some electronic. How can you go into the joint account and pull out money for whatever without "asking" him if he didn't do the same or if there will be enough to pay the mortgage? I don't get that part. You have to coordinate or balance the books often or make sure you both don't wipe out the joint account.

we trust each other enough to not have to worry about what each other does with our own accounts.

[Anonymous]

I think the shopping/spending PPs are a common reason - they like to buy without their spouses knowing what they spend. The thought of financial transparency with their spouse would change their lifestyle. I think the same thing can happen with joint account where one person does all the finances and the other is clueless.

There will always be different viewpoints and philosophies on what marriage means to people in terms of what they share. Some people very much have an 'us' mentality and others have a 'me and him/her' mentality. I have seen couples where one gets upset if the other looks at or uses 'their' phone for example. Some people marry but maintain large degrees of separation in their life, not only finances but also keep friends separate and vacation separately.

I think separate account with joint access is quite different than separate accounts that the spouse can't access - the is definitely a my money your money household.

[Anonymous]

I find it irritating when DH questions my purchases. No, I may not really *need* that $200 dress but I want it dammit! and that reason alone should be enough. I work hard, I'm not in debt, I save, I'd like to enjoy my hard earned dollars without guilt or raised eyebrows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it irritating when DH questions my purchases. No, I may not really *need* that $200 dress but I want it dammit! and that reason alone should be enough. I work hard, I'm not in debt, I save, I'd like to enjoy my hard earned dollars without guilt or raised eyebrows.

Don't you have a budget? Our money is separate but we have a joint budget.

[Anonymous]

"something is wrong if you are still single and 39 (trust issues) and it will show when you are married with your seperate accounts"

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it irritating when DH questions my purchases. No, I may not really *need* that $200 dress but I want it dammit! and that reason alone should be enough. I work hard, I'm not in debt, I save, I'd like to enjoy my hard earned dollars without guilt or raised eyebrows.

Don't you have a budget? Our money is separate but we have a joint budget.

which is why our money is separate. A budget for us is constricting. There are months I hardly spend, there are months I spend a lot. I like the freedom of purchasing what I want without fear of going over or under budget, so does DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate bank accounts are fine. They are not indicative that the marriage is bad or not valued.

What's important is that the married couple have common financial goals and values. Those don't require joint accounts.

Agree with this. We have individual accounts plus joint accounts for household expenses. We also have a joint credit card. I cant even articulate why we do this way. All the individual account predate our marriage and once we got married it was just easier to open a joint account. Our marriage is fine and we have had exactly one argument about money - once I paid the credit card bill late and my DH bitch and complained for days about the resulting late fees and finance charges. We also dont hide stuff from each other. I know where to find the hard copies of my husband bank statements and I know his online username and password. Its just works for us. BTW, we fund the joint expenses pro rata based on our take home pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it irritating when DH questions my purchases. No, I may not really *need* that $200 dress but I want it dammit! and that reason alone should be enough. I work hard, I'm not in debt, I save, I'd like to enjoy my hard earned dollars without guilt or raised eyebrows.

Don't you have a budget? Our money is separate but we have a joint budget.

which is why our money is separate. A budget for us is constricting. There are months I hardly spend, there are months I spend a lot. I like the freedom of purchasing what I want without fear of going over or under budget, so does DH.

I meant a budget that includes your saving and investing goals. Do you mutually agree each year on how much to put aside for retirement, kids' college, vacation, rainy day funds, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have totally joint accounts. But a lot of people married later in life and had been managing their own money for years before they met. It can be hard to all of a sudden merge all your money when you have two different spending/saving styles. Easier for some couples to have some joint money and some individual money. I'm single and 39 so if I married, I'd do it this way - I will never be comfortable with an 100% joint account. (and I have assets and a child to protect.)

something is wrong if you are still single and 39 (trust issues) and it will show when you are married with your seperate accounts

Something is wrong with YOU, 2nd PP, for being obnoxious and quite frankly, stupid as shit.

To the first PP, I married at 37 and had my first at 38! We have two joint accounts, but one is where his pay goes, and mine goes into another account. From his pay, we handle most of the household expenses. With mine, I pay for tuition, childcare and activities - and sometimes expensive clothing items, but that's rare!

We invest together.

So there are several ways of handling this.

2nd PP, I just have to add again how dense you are. 1st PP has a child! Did you see that?

[Anonymous]

I think of it as a safety measure. If somebody does identity theft on one of us, they still can not get the money in the other accounts. Or what if one of us suddenly goes crazy for some reason? the other money is still safe. It is just safer spread out like that.

[Anonymous]

"Take my shoe fetish/addiction for example, my husband doesn't get it and he never will, but since I finance it with my money, he doesn't care. He likes his power tools which I consider rather silly because half the time, they just sit in the garage collecting dust, but once again, he uses his money for these purchases so if that's what gets him off, more power to him."

"Gets him off" - soooo funny.

Laff of the Day!

[Anonymous]

Because we are a gay couple. If we had joint accounts that we didn't contribute equal money into the IRS would treat the excess I put it as a gift and tax me at 45% on the excess. We have joint accounts and separate accounts. It actually makes life difficult and is deeply offensive to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it irritating when DH questions my purchases. No, I may not really *need* that $200 dress but I want it dammit! and that reason alone should be enough. I work hard, I'm not in debt, I save, I'd like to enjoy my hard earned dollars without guilt or raised eyebrows.

Don't you have a budget? Our money is separate but we have a joint budget.

which is why our money is separate. A budget for us is constricting. There are months I hardly spend, there are months I spend a lot. I like the freedom of purchasing what I want without fear of going over or under budget, so does DH.

I meant a budget that includes your saving and investing goals. Do you mutually agree each year on how much to put aside for retirement, kids' college, vacation, rainy day funds, etc.?

I guess not LOL. This is one major drawback to separate accounts - there may be no joint financial goals which to me is integral to a marriage.

[Anonymous]

9:29, having a joint account doesn't automatically give you joint economic goals. That should be obvious.