Am I in the wrong here?

Anonymous
Do you think that most people who accidentally leave their kid to die in a hot car "don't care about their kid"? Or do you think they just make a really, really bad choice?


What??? How is "accidentally" leaving a baby in the car a "bad choice?"

These are two completely different things. No one makes the choice to drive to work, forget to drop the baby at daycare, not notice the sleeping baby in the backseat when they get out of the car, and then not realize what they've done until it's too late. THOSE are the tragic stories of babies dying in hot cars. No choice is being made - it is horrible ACCIDENT that unfortunately can happen to even very good, careful, vigilant parents.

And it's entirely different from making the conscious choice that it's safe to leave the baby in the car while you walk a few feet away to grab the newspaper because you will be gone less than a minute. Babies don't die in hot cars in the 30-60 seconds it takes to buy a newspaper from the machine. I rarely leave my baby in the car, but I would have no problem leaving her in her seat if I parked for a minute to buy a newspaper in OP's scenario.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like the guy was on the phone. What evidence do you actually have that he was calling 911? And the fact that he was keeping an eye on you and your kid? You should be grateful, not pissed off. He was obviously making sure you weren't doing anything stupid, so lighten up. He was a concerned bystander - we honestly need more people like that.
Also, in the time it took you to walk to get your paper, someone could snatch your kid. Maybe he was making sure no one did that? Why do you assume the worst in this guy? I really don't get it.
And to answer your question, I actually do think that what you did was wrong. Five car widths is still too much to leave a kid unattended in my opinion. I always took my kid out of the car if I'm in public and walking away from the car. It's not that big of a deal when you consider the alternative consequences. But if you really felt that inconvenienced and really wanted a paper, nothing anyone here says to you will matter. But cut the old guy some slack. At the end of the day, he was concerned for your child.


Oh brother, PP! Yes, I'm really sure the OP cared more about the newspaper than her kid. Why do people on DCUM have to be such assholes, seriously.




Not what was said at all. I wonder what made you go there? Because perhaps you're an asshole yourself?


OK, then, what WERE you trying to imply with that statement? If you don't want your backhanded, snarky replies misinterpreted by the masses, then just spell it out.


Do you think that most people who accidentally leave their kid to die in a hot car "don't care about their kid"? Or do you think they just make a really, really bad choice?



First of all, I have never heard of a baby dying in a hot car from someone getting a newspaper from the box. It's ridiculous to even consider this as a possibility.

Read the bolded statement above. "If you felt inconvenienced and really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will matter." You're trying to tell me that the subtext of that statement was NOT that "your convenience is more important than your child's safety and you're so stubborn that you would never see otherwise"? Mmmmmkay.


For the record, you're having a conversation with two different people. What I meant by that was if you really don't think it matters to take your kid out of the car because you really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will likely change your opinion. I really don't think I used any kind of subtext or coded language, so this really didn't need to be spelled out. Some people think it was OK, some people didn't. I'm in the latter and doubt that I can convince her to join me there. Is that clear enough? I said nothing about how she feels about her kid. You just read into that.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:For the record, you're having a conversation with two different people. What I meant by that was if you really don't think it matters to take your kid out of the car because you really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will likely change your opinion. I really don't think I used any kind of subtext or coded language, so this really didn't need to be spelled out. Some people think it was OK, some people didn't. I'm in the latter and doubt that I can convince her to join me there. Is that clear enough? I said nothing about how she feels about her kid. You just read into that.


So then you would have no problem changing the bolded text to the more accurate "if you made the informed decision that your child would be safe in the car for the brief period of time it took you to get a paper." Right?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the record, you're having a conversation with two different people. What I meant by that was if you really don't think it matters to take your kid out of the car because you really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will likely change your opinion. I really don't think I used any kind of subtext or coded language, so this really didn't need to be spelled out. Some people think it was OK, some people didn't. I'm in the latter and doubt that I can convince her to join me there. Is that clear enough? I said nothing about how she feels about her kid. You just read into that.


So then you would have no problem changing the bolded text to the more accurate "if you made the informed decision that your child would be safe in the car for the brief period of time it took you to get a paper." Right?


Sure, but it's just semantics. I still have an opinion (and don't forget, the OP ASKED if she was wrong here; therefore, she, and everyone on here, should be open to the possibility that maybe it wasn't the best thing in the world to do). I'm not sure what you're so angry about. If someone comes on this board and solicits opinions, and is given them, why are you so angry about my answer? I have an opinion about what she did, and I don't think the risk was worth it. How many times and different ways do I have to say that to satisfy you?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the record, you're having a conversation with two different people. What I meant by that was if you really don't think it matters to take your kid out of the car because you really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will likely change your opinion. I really don't think I used any kind of subtext or coded language, so this really didn't need to be spelled out. Some people think it was OK, some people didn't. I'm in the latter and doubt that I can convince her to join me there. Is that clear enough? I said nothing about how she feels about her kid. You just read into that.


So then you would have no problem changing the bolded text to the more accurate "if you made the informed decision that your child would be safe in the car for the brief period of time it took you to get a paper." Right?


Sure, but it's just semantics. I still have an opinion (and don't forget, the OP ASKED if she was wrong here; therefore, she, and everyone on here, should be open to the possibility that maybe it wasn't the best thing in the world to do). I'm not sure what you're so angry about. If someone comes on this board and solicits opinions, and is given them, why are you so angry about my answer? I have an opinion about what she did, and I don't think the risk was worth it. How many times and different ways do I have to say that to satisfy you?


Of course you have an opinion. That's my point. It's not just semantics--you're of the opinion that the OP chose selfish convenience over her child's safety. That's why you phrased it the way you did--because you had something to say about "how she feels about her kid." And that's fine--just own it, don't try to innocently slip your subjective opinion in as objective fact.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the record, you're having a conversation with two different people. What I meant by that was if you really don't think it matters to take your kid out of the car because you really wanted a paper, nothing anyone says here will likely change your opinion. I really don't think I used any kind of subtext or coded language, so this really didn't need to be spelled out. Some people think it was OK, some people didn't. I'm in the latter and doubt that I can convince her to join me there. Is that clear enough? I said nothing about how she feels about her kid. You just read into that.


So then you would have no problem changing the bolded text to the more accurate "if you made the informed decision that your child would be safe in the car for the brief period of time it took you to get a paper." Right?


Sure, but it's just semantics. I still have an opinion (and don't forget, the OP ASKED if she was wrong here; therefore, she, and everyone on here, should be open to the possibility that maybe it wasn't the best thing in the world to do). I'm not sure what you're so angry about. If someone comes on this board and solicits opinions, and is given them, why are you so angry about my answer? I have an opinion about what she did, and I don't think the risk was worth it. How many times and different ways do I have to say that to satisfy you?


Of course you have an opinion. That's my point. It's not just semantics--you're of the opinion that the OP chose selfish convenience over her child's safety. That's why you phrased it the way you did--because you had something to say about "how she feels about her kid." And that's fine--just own it, don't try to innocently slip your subjective opinion in as objective fact.


Isn't that was she was ultimately asking?? And this affects you .... how?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I also leave my toddler inside the car with windows open, no keys while I go inside the gas station to pay with cash or buy a bottle of water.


This is not ok.


Agreed. This is not ok.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Hey folks,

PP here who brought up the specter of children dying in the hot car not because I think that is going to happen in 2 minutes, but maybe the man who witnessed this had it on his mind. He had no idea she was stepping out for a minute. For all he knew she, like others who had totally forgotten their kids were asleep in the car seat, was unaware there was a child in the car. We think this is ridiculous, but the fact is it happens and it is a toally preventable tragedy.

So, I suggest everyone calm down. Whether this mom did anything wrong/that you would/wouldn't do, the point is that someone witnessed this and thought it was important enough to make a call. I personally would prefer someone to call me out on that than the miniscule possibility that I didn't realize my kid was in the car and discovered the hard way.


Right, the whole point here is that OP is trying to point at the man calling 911 as "the problem", when in fact, he's doing the right and decent thing. The level of flying-harpy vitriol that this simple observation has led to makes me think there's something else going on here.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:[Of course you have an opinion. That's my point. It's not just semantics--you're of the opinion that the OP chose selfish convenience over her child's safety. That's why you phrased it the way you did--because you had something to say about "how she feels about her kid." And that's fine--just own it, don't try to innocently slip your subjective opinion in as objective fact.


Isn't that was she was ultimately asking?? And this affects you .... how?

Because it's annoyingly passive agressive when people phrase their opinions as facts. In my opinion. Which affects you...how?
Anonymous
How could anyone complete a call to 911 in 30 seconds? Or even a minute? Something doesn't compute.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I also leave my toddler inside the car with windows open, no keys while I go inside the gas station to pay with cash or buy a bottle of water.


This is not ok.


why is that not ok? with the windows down the kid is fine. do you take the kid out when you pay with a credit card at the pump? what is the difference?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I also leave my toddler inside the car with windows open, no keys while I go inside the gas station to pay with cash or buy a bottle of water.


This is not ok.


why is that not ok? with the windows down the kid is fine. do you take the kid out when you pay with a credit card at the pump? what is the difference?


I hope this is a sarcastic comment. But I will bite. ummm....HUGE difference. If I pay at the pump, I am still standing right there, not more than a few feet away. In fact, I will somtimes lean in the window and talk to him while the gas is pumping. If I am in the gas station store, I am not right there in close proximty.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I also leave my toddler inside the car with windows open, no keys while I go inside the gas station to pay with cash or buy a bottle of water.


This is not ok.


why is that not ok? with the windows down the kid is fine. do you take the kid out when you pay with a credit card at the pump? what is the difference?


I hope this is a sarcastic comment. But I will bite. ummm....HUGE difference. If I pay at the pump, I am still standing right there, not more than a few feet away. In fact, I will somtimes lean in the window and talk to him while the gas is pumping. If I am in the gas station store, I am not right there in close proximty.


no, not sarcastic. but so what is the difference? if the child is in sight and not more than 20-30 feet away? What is the concern?
Anonymous
Personally I would have double-parked in front of the newspaper box so it would be an even quicker transaction, and left the car running (though not in DC,in the burbs since we're talking about it). I have done that to go to the ATM.

I have also left my kid to nap in the car in the garage (weather dependent, of course). Windows open, door open...no way in hell I was waking that kid up. I just stayed within earshot until they woke up.

I do think the poor guy was freaking out that you'd abandoned your child in the car, or were going in to get coffee and would be gone for a while, etc. I probably would have not bothered to get a newspaper if the baby was napping to avoid the 'do i leave him or take him out and wake him up' dilemma.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit! I really really would hate to live as terrified of baby thieves as y'all are. Your poor children! Overparented, incapable of being alone for all of 15 seconds, never allowed to exercise initiative or judgement?

I'm so glad mine are grown, but now I understand why so few of today's rising adults can cope!


This. Get a grip people.

What if you get your baby out of the car to bring the baby with you to the newspaper box and a car runs both you and your baby over! And if only you had left the baby in the car, then the old man would have at least saved your baby!

Who lives their life like this? Constantly coming up with absurd "what if" scenarios? It sounds exhausting.


Not all of us come up with absurd scenarios or live in fear, we just don't leave the baby alone in the car.


Except that typically when you ask people why they won't leave a baby in the car for 30 seconds or less (while the car is within eyesight the whole time), the absurd scenarios are the reason. Otherwise, what is your reason exactly?


My (personal) reason exactly is that I am sleep deprived and errands frequently and easily take longer than I think they will. Also, what is a short amount of time to me (a few extra minutes chatting to a neighbor or waiting because there are a few people lined up at the library drop slot, for example) is a long one for a baby in a hot car. I'm not comfortable leaving my keys in my car or my car running, not for fear of theft but because the same short delays that could make it unsafe in a hot car can also make it unsafe in a running but idle car. Having thought about this before being faced with the situation, it's just what I've decided to do. It's also what is recommended to do, so I've never felt the need to spin out scenarios to justify the choice or label it as right or wrong or whatever. It's not like every time I go run an errand I am living in anxious petrification of something going wrong, I just don't leave the baby in the car as a rule, the same way I put any bags or objects in the trunk when I park the car. It's a habit, and it doesn't require a new analysis every single time. I either took the bucket seat (when he was small enough) or popped him in a carrier (if I needed both hands for the errand) or carried him in one arm.
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