Am I in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like the guy was on the phone. What evidence do you actually have that he was calling 911? And the fact that he was keeping an eye on you and your kid? You should be grateful, not pissed off. He was obviously making sure you weren't doing anything stupid, so lighten up. He was a concerned bystander - we honestly need more people like that.
Also, in the time it took you to walk to get your paper, someone could snatch your kid. Maybe he was making sure no one did that? Why do you assume the worst in this guy? I really don't get it.
And to answer your question, I actually do think that what you did was wrong. Five car widths is still too much to leave a kid unattended in my opinion. I always took my kid out of the car if I'm in public and walking away from the car. It's not that big of a deal when you consider the alternative consequences. But if you really felt that inconvenienced and really wanted a paper, nothing anyone here says to you will matter. But cut the old guy some slack. At the end of the day, he was concerned for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like the guy was on the phone. What evidence do you actually have that he was calling 911? And the fact that he was keeping an eye on you and your kid? You should be grateful, not pissed off. He was obviously making sure you weren't doing anything stupid, so lighten up. He was a concerned bystander - we honestly need more people like that.
Also, in the time it took you to walk to get your paper, someone could snatch your kid. Maybe he was making sure no one did that? Why do you assume the worst in this guy? I really don't get it.
And to answer your question, I actually do think that what you did was wrong. Five car widths is still too much to leave a kid unattended in my opinion. I always took my kid out of the car if I'm in public and walking away from the car. It's not that big of a deal when you consider the alternative consequences. But if you really felt that inconvenienced and really wanted a paper, nothing anyone here says to you will matter. But cut the old guy some slack. At the end of the day, he was concerned for your child.

Oh brother, PP! Yes, I'm really sure the OP cared more about the newspaper than her kid. Why do people on DCUM have to be such assholes, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like the guy was on the phone. What evidence do you actually have that he was calling 911? And the fact that he was keeping an eye on you and your kid? You should be grateful, not pissed off. He was obviously making sure you weren't doing anything stupid, so lighten up. He was a concerned bystander - we honestly need more people like that.
Also, in the time it took you to walk to get your paper, someone could snatch your kid. Maybe he was making sure no one did that? Why do you assume the worst in this guy? I really don't get it.
And to answer your question, I actually do think that what you did was wrong. Five car widths is still too much to leave a kid unattended in my opinion. I always took my kid out of the car if I'm in public and walking away from the car. It's not that big of a deal when you consider the alternative consequences. But if you really felt that inconvenienced and really wanted a paper, nothing anyone here says to you will matter. But cut the old guy some slack. At the end of the day, he was concerned for your child.

Ha! I was waiting for somebody to show up and say this. How dare OP even read a newspaper when she should be spending all her time gazing lovingly at her child.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you in the wrong? I don't think so, necessarily. The man misunderstood your intent / errand. While some might argue that he should wait, or should have told you, others might argue that had you actually forgotten your child, you'd be so thankful that he did phone. I read that Gene Weingarten article about children suffering and then dying in hot cars and I've never been the same since. I think anyone who read that article might have intervened. As far as telling you about it, rather than calling the police, I think there is an argument that if mom is taking that kind of risk leaving the child, it might be best to have the authorities know about it.

Again, I'm talking about my perception here. You say you were gone less than a minute, and yet this person was able to call 911, and not only have apparently had enough time to describe what was going on, but to also retract and say "well she's getting in her car now." It's possible you were gone a bit longer than you thought. Or maybe not. But while you may not have been in the wrong (not something I would do, but maybe I am more cautious) I still think the guy was not just not in the wrong, but was totally right to call.

It's better to offend a mom by overreacting than to let a kid suffer the way kids left in cars suffer.

Also, I do not leave my child in the car for any period of time if I am going to be more than a foot away from it. I don't even really like leaving to pump gas, but I do have to do that sometime (but if I have to pay inside, for instance, I'll take baby out). I guess I'm just thinking on the off chance that someone would hit me, rob me, whatever, I don't want to be incapacitated and unable to tell someone my child was in the car. It's probably down to your perception of risk, so I'm not saying you're bad for taking the chance, but please keep in mind people perceive risk differently and I'm sure he was looking out for your child and thought you were careless. (thus the dirty look).

[Anonymous]

Holy shit! I really really would hate to live as terrified of baby thieves as y'all are. Your poor children! Overparented, incapable of being alone for all of 15 seconds, never allowed to exercise initiative or judgement?

I'm so glad mine are grown, but now I understand why so few of today's rising adults can cope!

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the thread beyond your original post, but since you asked: yes, I think you were in the wrong. I would be embarrassed in your case, since clearly you were not planning to be away from the car for long (and I didn't notice if you said you left the car running). However, it gets hot quickly and something could have distracted or delayed you (a phone call, a neighbor walking by) and your child could have gotten sick. With all the of publicity about deaths and injuries from overheating in cars, I would have called if I had seen that as well. (Maybe not stood around and glared at you afterwards.) In the event that you were (for example) going into Starbucks to wait in line for a drink, the time that it would take the police to get to your car is long enough (on a 90 degree day) for a child to overheat, so I would have called as soon as I saw the child and not waited to see where you were or if you were only going to be gone a few minutes.

I am 100% sure that any one of the parents whose child died in a car would have given anything for a busybody to have called the police when they saw them leave their child, and would gladly trade the embarrassment. Yes, it's inconvenient to take your child out for all those kinds of errands but it's become necessary in our climate (physical and social).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read the thread beyond your original post, but since you asked: yes, I think you were in the wrong. I would be embarrassed in your case, since clearly you were not planning to be away from the car for long (and I didn't notice if you said you left the car running). However, it gets hot quickly and something could have distracted or delayed you (a phone call, a neighbor walking by) and your child could have gotten sick. With all the of publicity about deaths and injuries from overheating in cars, I would have called if I had seen that as well. (Maybe not stood around and glared at you afterwards.) In the event that you were (for example) going into Starbucks to wait in line for a drink, the time that it would take the police to get to your car is long enough (on a 90 degree day) for a child to overheat, so I would have called as soon as I saw the child and not waited to see where you were or if you were only going to be gone a few minutes.

I am 100% sure that any one of the parents whose child died in a car would have given anything for a busybody to have called the police when they saw them leave their child, and would gladly trade the embarrassment. Yes, it's inconvenient to take your child out for all those kinds of errands but it's become necessary in our climate (physical and social).

I completely agree with this, and was wondering what was wrong with me, as I don't think you should have left the kid in a car, particularly in a parking lot where there are less people watching "out" for others (except for the good samariatian). Frankly, it is not that big of a deal to take the kid out of the car, put her/him on your hip, and walk to get the newspaper. You were embarrassed; we've all been there.

[Anonymous]

I'm also sure (based on the OPs stroller embellishment) that the "old man" didnt linger around and glare either. That sounds like exaggeration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit! I really really would hate to live as terrified of baby thieves as y'all are. Your poor children! Overparented, incapable of being alone for all of 15 seconds, never allowed to exercise initiative or judgement?

I'm so glad mine are grown, but now I understand why so few of today's rising adults can cope!

I think OP has an infant so no...not really capable of exercising initiative or judgment yet!

Op, if you feel safe enough to leave your child in the car, with the keys in the ignition and while the car is running- it is probably just fine! That is my standard...so 5 feet in a suburban SAFE neighborhood...probably would have done the same thing that you did...would I go in a buy a drink while on my cell phone (ie: distracted)- obviously not!

[Anonymous]

Someone saw you leave your child unattended in your car. He's not a mind reader--he didn't know where you were going or how long you'd be gone. He stuck around to make sure nothing bad happened, and while he was there he shared his concern with someone on the phone. There's no evidence that that someone was 911 or CPS. I'd cut him some slack.

[Anonymous]

I'd point out that leaving your child in a car in this manner is illegal in most jurisdictions around here, regardless of intent. While I think most parents can exercise some judgment - eg don't leave your child in the car while you go grocery shopping - the laws are intended to protect kids from those who lack common sense.

Also, I think any child left unattended in a vehicle during summer months in DC is going to attract attention if noticed by passersby. Particularly if they've read the Weingarten article, which was heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

I do the same thing. Not for long but if I'm dropping something off at a friend's house, I will leave kids in the car while doing it or in your case running to get the newspaper. Having said that, my pet peeve is seeing kids by themselves at stores like Target (I mean little ones in an aisle). I stay in the aisle until the parent comes to make sure no one steals them, obviously seen too many incidents of this on the news/dateline. But I would never call the cops/security on them. If it were a super long time, I might but I would wait before making any decision to get involved at that level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a line between busybody and concerned citizen, and that line is easy to draw: are the actions done for the child's best interests, or the person's best interests?

Because I have many children, I encounter these situations often, and when someone is genuinely concerned for my child's welfare, our interations are always gracious. I appreciate that they are looking out for my child, and they appreciate that I am doing my best. But when someone is hostile, and abrasive, and confrontational, and escalating a situation rapidly, I know they do not really care, but are just looking for a chance to feel superior.

OP, two of my dear friends had to deal with CPS lately because of the exact scenario you described, complete with home visits and parenting classes and charges that were later dropped. The only difference is that they had older children in the car, as well, watching the little ones. In both cases, the onlookers called the cops immediately, as soon as the mother walked away, and refused to back off when she immediately returned.

Lesson learned? Do your best to avoid situations where busybodies can get involved. It rarely ends well.

But don't beat yourself up. The guy was a jerk.

oldr ones could get out of the car and that would/could be a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

I commend the guy for being observant but if it were me..I would have said something to you and risked your anger. The problem with what you did is that you are dabbling in dangerous territory..no matter what you say..this could get you in a situation where you are about to get the paper and someone walks up says hi and you get distracted. Better to never ever leave a child in a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out that leaving your child in a car in this manner is illegal in most jurisdictions around here, regardless of intent. While I think most parents can exercise some judgment - eg don't leave your child in the car while you go grocery shopping - the laws are intended to protect kids from those who lack common sense.

Also, I think any child left unattended in a vehicle during summer months in DC is going to attract attention if noticed by passersby. Particularly if they've read the Weingarten article, which was heartbreaking.

Not in MD. If the parent is able to view the car, it isn't considered illegal.

MARYLAND STATE LAW Subtitle 8. Unattended Children. 5-801.
Confinement in dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle.
(a) In general-A person who is charged with the care of a child under
the age of 8 years may not allow the child to be locked or confined in a
dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle while the person charged
is absent and the dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle is out of
sight of the person charged unless the person charged provides a
reliable person at least 13 years old to remain with the child to protect
the child.
(b)Penalties for Violation-A person who violates this section is guilty of a
misdemeanor and on conviction is subject to a fine not exceeding $500
or imprisonment not exceeding 30 days, or both.