Stupid things parents of typically developing kids say...

[Anonymous]

Maybe in a technical sense being nearsighted is a visual impairment, but I can tell you as someone with pretty extreme myopia that it is NOTHING compared to having a child with a developmental disability. I don't have to tell most people, its pretty obvious.

Yes, I can remember my parents' tears when they learned -- gaso -- that I would need glasses. There were no support groups back then, no where to turn so they were isolated in their grief.

Give me a break. And I'm not referring to children whose vision issues cannot be corrected. I have a child with an ASD and i am HIGHLY offended by this analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe in a technical sense being nearsighted is a visual impairment, but I can tell you as someone with pretty extreme myopia that it is NOTHING compared to having a child with a developmental disability. I don't have to tell most people, its pretty obvious.

Yes, I can remember my parents' tears when they learned -- gaso -- that I would need glasses. There were no support groups back then, no where to turn so they were isolated in their grief.

Give me a break. And I'm not referring to children whose vision issues cannot be corrected. I have a child with an ASD and i am HIGHLY offended by this analogy.

Yeah, I've gotta agree. The ADA recognizes "Visual Impairment" of a degree that affects ability to engage in life activities as a disability. It does not recognize wearing glasses as a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's an interesting study, but none of the couples that I hang out with have ADHD kids -- so you're really only talking anecdotally too. And a study of 268 marriages of kids with ADHD is not going to convince me of anything.

So, since none of the couples you hang out with have ADHD kids and you don't believe the study cited, it's a myth that marriages of parents with SN kids are at higher risk of divorce? The Christian guy you provided a link for believes it. While his article indicates marriages of parents with Downs kids are at lower risk of divorce, what he doesn't tell you is that the arbortion rate for Downs pregnancies is near 90%. The vast majority of parents with Downs kids have made a decision to have that child. One would expect their divorce rate to be equivalent to or lower than the general population. There are also studies indicating higher divorce rates for parents of ASD kids http://www.jsonline.com/features/health/100266159.html

Whatever study you cite, no one disputes the increased stress having a kid with SN places on a marriage. Perhaps you have one that is strengthened by it but that doesn't mean the stress and risk of divorce is lessened for anyone else - that is NOT anecdotal and is supported by research. You are acting in the same manner of those making oblivious, insensitive and ignorant comments so many on this thread are complaining about.

[Anonymous]

I have a rock solid marriage but it has absolutely been tested by the strain of raising an ASD child. Most marriages I know that have survived having a child with an ASD (which, i think is much more of a challenge to a marriage than a child with ADHD, and I have both) did so after going through a very dark period. The parents worked through it and ended up a stronger unit in the process, I know we did, but I think we are, in a sense, survivors and not all couples make it.

[Anonymous]

Another thank you from a parent of a typically developing child. I read all the posts on the thread as well as the blog that someone had linked to, and really appreciated the honesty of the writers. I have a friend whose daughter has bipolar disorder and another friend with an autistic daughter, and have often worried about saying the wrong thing. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

What's so upsetting about needing glasses???
I have worn glasses since I was 4 and can't get out of bed without putting them on.

That is NOTHING compared to the emotional and logistical strain put on the whole family by my son's ADHD, sensory and feeding issues.

[Anonymous]

22:19...thank you for taking the time to read this and learn something and thank you for not criticizing us for venting a bit..

[Anonymous]

DS is a whirlwind of sensory disorders. He is almost always screaming and tantruming. He is also a cute child physically. I hate it when people say "but he's so cute ...." as if it is wrong for me to feel exhausted and frustrated with his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a whirlwind of sensory disorders. He is almost always screaming and tantruming. He is also a cute child physically. I hate it when people say "but he's so cute ...." as if it is wrong for me to feel exhausted and frustrated with his behavior.

Yes, I get the same thing about DD. It is ironic that many special needs children are very physically beautiful. And we get lots of compliments. But it's hard to just hear that and nothing else noticed about your child.

[Anonymous]

I hear so often.. your son is so cute you would never know anything was wrong by looking at him. Back when my son was no foods drinking neocate jr only for more than 2 yrs.

also after several years of sensory disorder, ST, OT and global developmental delays, multiple food alergies. I still hear every now and then.. just a little bite wont hurt will it? sure wont.. if you think spending 4-5 days in the hospital after that one little bite wont hurt.

Thank goodness my son knows he cant eat something if mom didnt give it to him

[Anonymous]

My personal fav..
"how old are you?"
When my son with Down Syndrome was a baby. Must have been my stale eggs...
Also hate it when those in the medical world, who you know socially give professional opinons, when you did not ask.
Also love "He is doing so well" from someone who has never seen him before and knows little to nothing about special needs or child development in general.

[Anonymous]

Some people suck. PP, that is awful. Now the "he is doing so well" part I'll take even if it's bullshit doesn't bother me, but the friends who are "professionals" giving unsolicited advice is obnoxious.

Well someone I know (but not well) quizzed me to figure out how I may have caused my child's autism. For the record...NO, I did not take antidepressants or any meds during my pregnancy...yes, I ate healthy, No I didn't eat tuna or mercury batteries, what have you, no we don't have a family history and no, my husband wasn't 40 or over and I was not of a "high risk" age. I get it...people want to find a reason to blame me or my genes or my age to feel safe that this could never happen to them, but really??!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... He is also a cute child physically. I hate it when people say "but he's so cute ...." as if it is wrong for me to feel exhausted and frustrated with his behavior.

Yes, I get the same thing about DD. It is ironic that many special needs children are very physically beautiful. And we get lots of compliments. But it's hard to just hear that and nothing else noticed about your child.

It's hard to say whether people should or should not state the obvious -- because it depends on their intention, their relationship with you, their level of "right to speak" and the SN parent's personality.

Sometimes, for some people, the greatest gift you can give is just to acknowledge the sweetness or attractiveness or some other positive attribute of a child who is ALSO SN or something else, like an abused child, or a child struggling with something serious. Because people are more than just the parts of us that stick out and make us "different" from the status quo.

Once at a staff training (I'm a teacher) the director took a moment to applaud one of our veteran teachers who had, upon returning from vacation to find one of her students with an enormous black eye, told him, "Good morning, so+so, look how tall you've grown since I last saw you." We were all in tears, because it is a GIFT to be experienced by others as more than our disability or our injury or our abuse. We, and our children, deserve to hear more than just how our difficulties and challenges are going. And after a long stretch of fighting school admins over an incorrect IEP diagnosis, TRUST me, I appreciate someone casually, simply noting that my son is kind. Or handsome. Or good at making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... He is also a cute child physically. I hate it when people say "but he's so cute ...." as if it is wrong for me to feel exhausted and frustrated with his behavior.

Yes, I get the same thing about DD. It is ironic that many special needs children are very physically beautiful. And we get lots of compliments. But it's hard to just hear that and nothing else noticed about your child.

It's hard to say whether people should or should not state the obvious -- because it depends on their intention, their relationship with you, their level of "right to speak" and the SN parent's personality.

Sometimes, for some people, the greatest gift you can give is just to acknowledge the sweetness or attractiveness or some other positive attribute of a child who is ALSO SN or something else, like an abused child, or a child struggling with something serious. Because people are more than just the parts of us that stick out and make us "different" from the status quo.

Once at a staff training (I'm a teacher) the director took a moment to applaud one of our veteran teachers who had, upon returning from vacation to find one of her students with an enormous black eye, told him, "Good morning, so+so, look how tall you've grown since I last saw you." We were all in tears, because it is a GIFT to be experienced by others as more than our disability or our injury or our abuse. We, and our children, deserve to hear more than just how our difficulties and challenges are going. And after a long stretch of fighting school admins over an incorrect IEP diagnosis, TRUST me, I appreciate someone casually, simply noting that my son is kind. Or handsome. Or good at making friends.

I think there's a huge difference between telling someone "Your daughter is beautiful!" or "Your son was so kind to mine at the playground today", vs. responding to a parent who is sharing a concern with "but he's so cute". The former is almost always welcome, the latter is dismissive.

[Anonymous]

You SN whinners are irritating. It's not our fault that you have that burden so please don't attack us when we want to know what we can say without offending you. I feel sorry for your children.