Stupid things parents of typically developing kids say...

[Anonymous]

I've heard all of the above, but my personal pet peeve is when I am venting about a difficult issue and the person to whom I'm venting says "well everyone's kid does that". Like, everyone really has to straddle their kid and kneel on his hands to get a toothbrush in his mouth.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe I forgot this one (I've already posted):

You shouldn't baby him so much.

[Anonymous]

Why did you tell him his diagnosis? Why are you lowering expectations for him? (cause if we kept is a secret it would go away.)

[Anonymous]

"Did you know Einstein had Asperger's"

[Anonymous]

I am the parent of a typically developing kid. I am reading this post to make sure that I have never said (and do not ever say) anything like what you all have posted.

I am sorry that people say things that are hurtful. I do believe that sometimes it is said b/c of ignorance or even trying to make you feel better (but of course, it has the opposite effect). Like the person who said Einsten had Asperger's was clearly trying to make the mom of a kid with Asperger's feel better. You agree with that, don't you? Do you agree that people often say these things out of ignorance and not maliciousness? I guess it is annoying and irritating just the same.

Could you post some things that you wish people would say more often? Could you post what the special need is that you and your child are dealing with, and then some comments that would be positive/helpful to you? Sometimes we just don't know what to say - it is just awkward and we want to say something helpful but are afraid it will come out wrong, as is apparent, it often does. Sorry to have intruded on your post, but thanks in advance for answering my questions.

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely many people have the best of intentions. I think it's a great idea for you to start a separate thread about what is helpful to say and feel free to ask people to share their child's diagnosis as well. We have had threads with suggestions before and there are many blogposts giving suggestions for what would be helpful to say to parents of kids with SN. I also think it is very healthy for a bunch of parents of kids with special needs to be able to blow off steam and even laugh about hurtful comments and that is what this thread is for.

[Anonymous]

agreed

[Anonymous]

i meant i agree that another post might be the best idea, however, i don't think many parents of non special needs kids will read it.

[Anonymous]

"help! my three year old is annoying! Can't stop talking and asking why everything!"

[Anonymous]

There are many blogposts from parents of kids with SN and even threads here that are searchworthy re: what to say and not to say to most parents of kids with SN.

Here's an example from one of my favorite bloggers...

http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/2011/04/top-ten-things-you-should-and-shouldnt.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of a typically developing kid. I am reading this post to make sure that I have never said (and do not ever say) anything like what you all have posted.

I am sorry that people say things that are hurtful.

Ditto for me.
I am seriously shocked at some of the things people have said!

[Anonymous]

My cousin/neighbor/friend/whatever suddenly started walking one day when he was four/six/three/twelve. It can happen any time.

God chose you for a reason

God looked down from heaven and knew that you were the right mother for this precious child

Isn't she a blessing!

Your life is a "Trip to Holland" (What the Dutch did to deserve this yarn, I will never understand)

[Anonymous]

Oy vey, not the Holland story. I'm sorry, I can't stand the Holland story.

This is the one rule you need to follow: do NOT try to say something to make it all better. It is not your job as friend/relative to make the stress of having a SN child go away. Nothing you say can do that. All we want is for you to acknowledge (1) we love our kids. We accept what we can't change, and (2) some days its hard in ways you can't possibly imagine.

[Anonymous]

"He'll eat when he's hungry. Babies don't starve."

"Well you're actually lucky - you missed the hard parts of having to be up all night with a crying baby. All you had to do was pump and go back to sleep" (said when baby was in the NICU for a month after birth).

[Anonymous]

Typical kid's parent re: what *should* you say...

I'd love to hear:

He's got your smile but his dad's eyes.

What a great laugh.