adopting a child who is the product of rape

[Anonymous]

Why would the birth mother tell the kid he/she was the product of rape

[Anonymous]

OP, I was raped, impregnated, let me assure you that God had nothing to do with what this bastard did. Are you crazy, why would you put such a burden on child? Child was adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would the birth mother tell the kid he/she was the product of rape

Because the child will undoubtedly ask her why she placed him for adoption. What is she supposed to tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would the birth mother tell the kid he/she was the product of rape

Because the child will undoubtedly ask her why she placed him for adoption. What is she supposed to tell him?

That she doesn't know, but she's grateful for the chance to be his mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would the birth mother tell the kid he/she was the product of rape

Because the child will undoubtedly ask her why she placed him for adoption. What is she supposed to tell him?

That she doesn't know, but she's grateful for the chance to be his mom?

That she doesn't know why she placed him for adoption??? I'm an adoptee and that answer would NOT sit well with me. If my birth mom didn't want to tell me, then just say so. But to lie about it is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A recent poster was not explicit about the circumstances of her child's birth but I will be. I was told that my infant DC was the product of rape and the birthmother did not know the birth father. The agency explained that she may have been untruthful about that but let's assume that what I was told is true.

I have not told any family or friends and do not intend to ever tell anyone else but DC at age 16 or 18 or so. I have left some paperwork in our lawyer's office (with the rest of the adoption papers) and there is always a chance the birthmother might reach out also. I have read a few discussions about whether you should ever tell a child this news (if you tell, their world may be shattered/if you don't and they find out, they will never trust you again). I love my child dearly and do not believe that God makes mistakes. I am hoping these will be the two messages that stick if/when DC receives this news.

Has anyone else adopted a child who is the product of rape? What advice might you share, please?

Rape is not a mistake it's intentional. And just because the mother decided not to abort doesn't mean the rapist did a "good thing."

You don't know what happened, so all you need to tell your child is that he/she is loved and its mother was unable to care for it. You don't know about the father, so let it be.

My only concern is that if the father didn't sign away rights, he could come back for his child later. It doesn't matter if it was rape or not. He is entitled to have his child. Another reason why women should abort a product of rape, but that's their choice. Unfortunately her choice to keep the child affects you, the father and the child should the father demand the return of his child.

Oh, come on. The mother did something good, not the rapist. The child's life is not something bad, even though the act that created it was bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that there are far more birth mothers whose babies who were conceived consensually, but who do not want the birth father to know about the baby, than mothers who were raped, brought the baby to term, and gave it up.

Presumably, if the mother says she was raped, that frees the government agencies involved from having to seek the father out and getting his consent for the adoption.

I can think of all kinds of reasons for wanting to leave the dad out of the picture. Maybe he's married. Maybe he might want the baby, but is unfit to raise it. Maybe the mom is angry with the father and can't bear the idea of him raising the baby. Maybe there is more than one possible dad. How embarrassing for a young girl to have to admit that. Maybe the birth mom wants to put the trauma of giving up the baby behind her and thinks that if the dad finds out, he'll tell people, and she'll be stigmatized.

If I were a teen in one of the above situations, I might conclude that the easiest thing to do was to say I was raped. Voila, everyone is sympathetic instead of judgmental and pushing for info.

I agree with the poster who said to make the decision when your child is older. You will know what to do when the time comes.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would the birth mother tell the kid he/she was the product of rape

Because the child will undoubtedly ask her why she placed him for adoption. What is she supposed to tell him?

Really? That is beyond rude. Suppose she says she can not discuss it

[Anonymous]

This is a three year old thread...