At what age you should downsize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people in my neighborhood are retired empty nesters in their 60s and 70s who haven't moved on from their four- and five-bedroom colonials. I believe one reason is there's a lack of appealing and affordable one-level-living options in the area.

My neighborhood has 1/4-1/3 people in their 70s to early 90s. We have a fire engine and ambulance here maybe once a month. Some really lovely older neighbors did move away to retire, and we keep in touch with one couple. In our case I can tell you why the ones here haven't moved because we know them well. A few did every renovation they ever dreamed of and want to continue to enjoy it, so they set up age-in-place care. One couple wants to be near their adult children who have a lot of issues, and they still feel responsible for them despite their own declining state. One couple (the mean one) consider themselves the king and queen because the husband used to be in leadership in the HOA. The other older couples think they are afraid of not having their imagined status and imagined power elsewhere-LOL. One woman is fiercely independent and not seems to manage without help. They all seem to be managing with varying degrees of care. I will say some of the higher functioning ones make fun of the lower functioning ones behind their backs-mock the senility-which seems cruel. It's not the safest situation, but it is what it is. I did notice at a recent open house a family was eyeing one neighbor with her walker, another with his cane and yet another out on his chair observing everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people in my neighborhood are retired empty nesters in their 60s and 70s who haven't moved on from their four- and five-bedroom colonials. I believe one reason is there's a lack of appealing and affordable one-level-living options in the area.

It makes sense if their kids live far and not in the same location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are downsizing now in our 50s. I thought I kept up with donating/shredding and all that and this is taking hours and hours. We will do it again in our 60s. We are determined to break the cycle and not be selfish expecting our kids to do all the work. We went through it and we want to do everything possible to enjoy our adult children and the families they create. We are doing our part in the hopes our kids with stay close friends and we don't want to be a burden. Our next big move after this one will be in our 60s or early 70s will be to a CCRC.

60s or early 70s seems young for a CCRC. I know a lot of people in that age group who are very fit and healthy and like living in an area with people of all ages living around them. I think more people than in the past are staying strong and active, both mentally and physically, to an older age now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are downsizing now in our 50s. I thought I kept up with donating/shredding and all that and this is taking hours and hours. We will do it again in our 60s. We are determined to break the cycle and not be selfish expecting our kids to do all the work. We went through it and we want to do everything possible to enjoy our adult children and the families they create. We are doing our part in the hopes our kids with stay close friends and we don't want to be a burden. Our next big move after this one will be in our 60s or early 70s will be to a CCRC.

60s or early 70s seems young for a CCRC. I know a lot of people in that age group who are very fit and healthy and like living in an area with people of all ages living around them. I think more people than in the past are staying strong and active, both mentally and physically, to an older age now.

I wonder how many people who don't want to move to a CCRC have good friends of all ages? Can't they come back to see them? Do they know they're allowed, even encouraged, to leave CCRC property?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are downsizing now in our 50s. I thought I kept up with donating/shredding and all that and this is taking hours and hours. We will do it again in our 60s. We are determined to break the cycle and not be selfish expecting our kids to do all the work. We went through it and we want to do everything possible to enjoy our adult children and the families they create. We are doing our part in the hopes our kids with stay close friends and we don't want to be a burden. Our next big move after this one will be in our 60s or early 70s will be to a CCRC.

60s or early 70s seems young for a CCRC. I know a lot of people in that age group who are very fit and healthy and like living in an area with people of all ages living around them. I think more people than in the past are staying strong and active, both mentally and physically, to an older age now.

I wonder how many people who don't want to move to a CCRC have good friends of all ages? Can't they come back to see them? Do they know they're allowed, even encouraged, to leave CCRC property?

This. Things turn on a dime in the 70s and definitely in the 80s. The best time to make the move to CCRC is when you are fit and healthy. They have gyms and plenty of activities and a PP mentioned, you can still visit your friends.

Keep in mind the friends in the old neighborhood do sometimes move. Also, I notice in our neighborhood there is a hierarchy. You are in with the lively crowd as you stay healthy. Once you have a major health issue or decline, you get some sympathy and attention, but they don't want to be dragged down and they seem to dump those who show decline. Also, if you get too depressed as friends die and move away, the lively crowd shuns you because they don't want to be brought down. That happened even where my grandparents were. Might as well be in a setting where you can find your people even as you decline.

[Anonymous]

DEPENDS on so many things. Massively stupid every time someone asks for an “age” to determine a behavior.

[Anonymous]

CCRCs are an unknown risky financial move unless you have an abundance of money. No not initially. Present day it's all spelled out, the cost. Right when you've moved in and are in independent living or even assisted living, costs are known. But future care, what's not covered, and what the cost will be - for most it's a big financial risk.

[Anonymous]

So people take on that $ risk when they have to. Or maybe for what they think will be the last 5 - 10 years of their life, but not the last 20 - 25 years of their life. pp again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are downsizing now in our 50s. I thought I kept up with donating/shredding and all that and this is taking hours and hours. We will do it again in our 60s. We are determined to break the cycle and not be selfish expecting our kids to do all the work. We went through it and we want to do everything possible to enjoy our adult children and the families they create. We are doing our part in the hopes our kids with stay close friends and we don't want to be a burden. Our next big move after this one will be in our 60s or early 70s will be to a CCRC.

60s or early 70s seems young for a CCRC. I know a lot of people in that age group who are very fit and healthy and like living in an area with people of all ages living around them. I think more people than in the past are staying strong and active, both mentally and physically, to an older age now.

I wonder how many people who don't want to move to a CCRC have good friends of all ages? Can't they come back to see them? Do they know they're allowed, even encouraged, to leave CCRC property?

Living on a street with people of all ages is very different than just visiting. People are healthier in their 60s and 70s than people a generation or so ago were. Many are are happy and more than capable of living in the home they’ve lived in for many years.

Are you in sales for CCRCs by any chance?

[Anonymous]

I was just discussing this with my uncle. He and aunt are planning to retire and downsize soon (early 60’s). Their 3 kids all live in different states and the only one who might someday have kids is too transient to move to, so they are not sure where to go. I told him what I wish my mom would do:
1) Move now while they are still healthy and active so they have good years to build a new community by going to church, joining clubs, volunteering, etc.
2) pick an area that isn’t too expensive but does have decent hospitals/medical system and a good sized airport
3) Any area like that likely also has enough people to support things like uber, instacart, taskrabbit, etc.
3) Find a home that they can age in place with a bedroom on the ground floor w/ accessible bathroom and either condo or not too big of a lot. If they want room to host a house might make sense but smaller is better!

Instead my widowed mom is in a huge house on a huge lot high in snowy mountains 45 minutes from the nearest city in good weather. There are no direct flights from pretty much anywhere. She has lived there 4 years but insists that if she has a fall or illness her church friends will be her care team. I am sure they will all drop everything for the months or years recovery from a major setback can take at her age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just discussing this with my uncle. He and aunt are planning to retire and downsize soon (early 60’s). Their 3 kids all live in different states and the only one who might someday have kids is too transient to move to, so they are not sure where to go. I told him what I wish my mom would do:
1) Move now while they are still healthy and active so they have good years to build a new community by going to church, joining clubs, volunteering, etc.
2) pick an area that isn’t too expensive but does have decent hospitals/medical system and a good sized airport
3) Any area like that likely also has enough people to support things like uber, instacart, taskrabbit, etc.
3) Find a home that they can age in place with a bedroom on the ground floor w/ accessible bathroom and either condo or not too big of a lot. If they want room to host a house might make sense but smaller is better!

Instead my widowed mom is in a huge house on a huge lot high in snowy mountains 45 minutes from the nearest city in good weather. There are no direct flights from pretty much anywhere. She has lived there 4 years but insists that if she has a fall or illness her church friends will be her care team. I am sure they will all drop everything for the months or years recovery from a major setback can take at her age.

You gave good advice. My mom is like yours. The friends will fade away if these are her expectations. My mother had that entitled view. Nobody wants to be taken advantage of like that. Friends and neighbors would politely tell my mom they are there for her after dad died, but once she started asking for too many favors and stopped expressing much gratitude they all started avoiding her. After caregiving for spouses, elderly parents, etc nobody wants to be a caregiver for a random friend beyond the visit with a dinner they can put in the fridge or a check in here and there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just discussing this with my uncle. He and aunt are planning to retire and downsize soon (early 60’s). Their 3 kids all live in different states and the only one who might someday have kids is too transient to move to, so they are not sure where to go. I told him what I wish my mom would do:
1) Move now while they are still healthy and active so they have good years to build a new community by going to church, joining clubs, volunteering, etc.
2) pick an area that isn’t too expensive but does have decent hospitals/medical system and a good sized airport
3) Any area like that likely also has enough people to support things like uber, instacart, taskrabbit, etc.
3) Find a home that they can age in place with a bedroom on the ground floor w/ accessible bathroom and either condo or not too big of a lot. If they want room to host a house might make sense but smaller is better!

Instead my widowed mom is in a huge house on a huge lot high in snowy mountains 45 minutes from the nearest city in good weather. There are no direct flights from pretty much anywhere. She has lived there 4 years but insists that if she has a fall or illness her church friends will be her care team. I am sure they will all drop everything for the months or years recovery from a major setback can take at her age.

You want them to move somewhere new where they don’t know anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just discussing this with my uncle. He and aunt are planning to retire and downsize soon (early 60’s). Their 3 kids all live in different states and the only one who might someday have kids is too transient to move to, so they are not sure where to go. I told him what I wish my mom would do:
1) Move now while they are still healthy and active so they have good years to build a new community by going to church, joining clubs, volunteering, etc.
2) pick an area that isn’t too expensive but does have decent hospitals/medical system and a good sized airport
3) Any area like that likely also has enough people to support things like uber, instacart, taskrabbit, etc.
3) Find a home that they can age in place with a bedroom on the ground floor w/ accessible bathroom and either condo or not too big of a lot. If they want room to host a house might make sense but smaller is better!

Instead my widowed mom is in a huge house on a huge lot high in snowy mountains 45 minutes from the nearest city in good weather. There are no direct flights from pretty much anywhere. She has lived there 4 years but insists that if she has a fall or illness her church friends will be her care team. I am sure they will all drop everything for the months or years recovery from a major setback can take at her age.

You want them to move somewhere new where they don’t know anyone?

DP, but yes, assuming she cares about having friends and community.

A woman on my street (you know, one of those paradises with people of all ages) stayed in her house until three months before she died, when her son moved her into the only place with room.

Maybe she'd have taken that deal if she'd known how it would end, but I compare it with my parents' CCRC, where they lived happily and independently for 15 years until one parent needed to move up to assisted living.

It is expensive, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going through it with my parents now, who are 80, which has made my spouse and me conclude that we want to do it by 70.

Size is not the primary issue; it’s stairs. And it’s not that we think we won’t be able to handle stairs at 70 but that we want to be in a single-level place before we hit that point. My parents have both had health issues in the last five years that make being in a multi-floor house challenging. If they had moved 10 years ago, the last few years would have been less stressful.

yep. My ILs refused to do this. MIL fell on the steps, but still didn't want to leave their 4 br house even after FIL died after a fall (also had dementia). She finally pulled the trigger when she fell and blackedout. She lived all of 18 mo in her bungalow before she passed. She was 92. It was hard on the kids because they had to help her move.

My parents moved in their 60s when they were healthy. That was a gift to us.

With costs around here, plan A is to put in an elevator into our GF house and stay, hiring in if needed. Plan B will be either assisted living or smaller condo in independent living. Getting rid of crap now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of downsizing, just get rid of things. Make sure all the spare rooms have empty dressers and empty closets. Nothing in your attic.

that, too, but it's the stairs that will be difficult when you get really old. Better to get out while still young.

Elevators are a thing, as are chair lifts.