Why do women put men front and center?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe their goal is the man.

Exactly this

+1 as the hordes of SAHM on this site will attest, they love not working and being supported by their men. There’s nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Ph.D. educated scientist who got into every program I applied to. I ended up going to a school that was not in my top 3 choices because it was my now husband’s dream school. I knew relationships take compromise and it was still a good program. I thought there would be a compromise he would make later, it would be my turn. It still hasn’t been my turn, honestly not even once. That’s how it happens. I still have a good career, not the one I wanted but the best I could do around his. I don’t want the same for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious, OP, would it be fine with you if your daughter never married? I feel like that’s the natural endpoint of decentering men. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, just wondering if people are mostly ok with the prospect of just remaining single.

OP here. I will absolutely be fine with that. One of the reason I asked this was because my niece chose not go to law school because her boyfriend threatened to break up with her if she moved across the country to attend law school. And he is not even a fiance crazy....Of course some will argue it's a "her" problem. But is it really a "her only" problem? In my opinion, of course I could be totally wrong, more women will, for example, opt to say with their bf over going to law school in that scenario. How many men do you think will make a similar sacrifice? Most men first instinct will be that another woman will be waiting for them when they are done.

That is so unfortunate. Your niece would be so much better off being educated as a lawyer and not tied down with an insecure manchild.

How is he an insecure manchild? He doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship. That is a choice that many men and women make. Especially when they are young and college aged. There are also many women who break up with boyfriends who move away - does it make them all insecure womenchilds?

Your own daughter might consider breaking up with her boyfriend in college if he says oh hey, I am moving to the otherside of the country for a few years. See ya. Would you really call her names and think badly of her because she decides to end that relationship?

I would say that both OPS niece and your hypothetical daughter's boyfriend should still leave and go to law school, even if they know this means the end of their relationship. And I hold nothing against OPs niece's boyfriend or your daughter if they choose to end the relationship because they don't want a long term long distance relationship when they are young.

He's an insecure manchild because someone actually worth marrying and spending your life with would support your dreams. He won't support her in a career that potentially makes more money than him. He won't support her in schooling where she isn't under his thumb. She literally gave up a career because a boy threatened her. That's pathetic and I'd actually be so disappointed if that was my daughter.

Women don't need to kneel so men can feel tall.

It's none of your business what she does or doesn't do. You don't know what sacrifices he made in his life to accomodate her and you certainly don't know the depth and dynamic of their relationship to be making these absurd allegations. It's literally none of your business.

Lol. What sacrifices do men make to accommodate a woman lol?

What she is wants to be a SAHM? No point in really in going to law school if that’s your ultimate aim. My cousin gave up an acceptance for a PhD at Columbia because her fiance got accepted for residency in Ohio and she knew she didn’t want to work after kids anyway.

Do we not want educated women raising children? What is wrong with encouraging education, even if your ultimate goal is not to work?

Paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for law school when you know you don’t want to work? That’s funny.

My mother raised a lawyer, a civil engineer, and a bioinformatics scientist with a high school education.

Sounds like she encouraged your education - what any great parent would do. Congrats to her, you and your other educated siblings. I feel like you are making the point here.

Encouraged is not the same as forcing and berating someone who chooses a different path. I come from a college educated family and I know for a fact it's not for everyone. I would encourage my daughters to pursue finding a suitable partner while they are young and if that means a high school sweetheart they have known for years and deciding they want to be married, that is wonderful. They can go to college with their spouse if they want. I don't want my daughters ending up like this generation of women, 30+ and alone with diminishing prospects and working tirelessly. I want them to find a decent man and build a life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Ph.D. educated scientist who got into every program I applied to. I ended up going to a school that was not in my top 3 choices because it was my now husband’s dream school. I knew relationships take compromise and it was still a good program. I thought there would be a compromise he would make later, it would be my turn. It still hasn’t been my turn, honestly not even once. That’s how it happens. I still have a good career, not the one I wanted but the best I could do around his. I don’t want the same for my daughter.

That's because men center men lol. I'm sorry he hasn't repaid the favour yet, hopefully your turn is soon <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe their goal is the man.

Exactly this

+1 as the hordes of SAHM on this site will attest, they love not working and being supported by their men. There’s nothing wrong with that.

That is generally NOT what the SAHMs on this site post. You must be new here.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I have seen very attractive, very successful women make their man the center of everything when they are dating or even in a relationship. Some women give up successful careers, leave behind great jobs etc not because it's the best choice but because not making that sacrifice (in their mind) may jeopardize their relationship.

What wrong with being single when the alternative is giving up so much of your personal goals?

Don't call us men for being selfish for not making similar sacrifices. You are not being forced. You can say no. If the relationship ends or never materializes because of it then be it.

My daughter is extremely smart. Her lowers grade is a 98%. She is in 10th grade and wants to be an aerospace engineering major. I won't lie my fear is that one day she meets a boy she is crazy over and gives up a lot job grad school etc just because that's what that man wants. If she ever asks me any advice about giving up anything for a man, my answer will be a resounding NO. [/quote]

Instead of waiting for her to ask for advice, why not model it for her? My dad taught me how to live independently, how to know my own worth, and encouraged me to never settle. He also showed me that things like cooking, cleaning, taking kids to appointments, etc could be done by men by doing them himself. I’m now in a marriage with a man that is a true partnership, because I know that is possible from seeing it myself.

[Anonymous]

High value women should not have children.

In any relationship, man is not the most important person for a woman. But, once a woman gives birth to a kid, their brain rewires to put the kid first.

[Anonymous]

^ you should pop over to the "Women who have good dads is like winning the lottery" thread. Sounds like you really embody that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High value women should not have children.

In any relationship, man is not the most important person for a woman. But, once a woman gives birth to a kid, their brain rewires to put the kid first.

What on earth does this mean. Only low value women should have children?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe their goal is the man.

Exactly this

+1 as the hordes of SAHM on this site will attest, they love not working and being supported by their men. There’s nothing wrong with that.

That is generally NOT what the SAHMs on this site post. You must be new here.

They mostly say some variation of “my DH makes six figures and we decided that I should stay home” and express they are happy with that decision. I don’t see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Ph.D. educated scientist who got into every program I applied to. I ended up going to a school that was not in my top 3 choices because it was my now husband’s dream school. I knew relationships take compromise and it was still a good program. I thought there would be a compromise he would make later, it would be my turn. It still hasn’t been my turn, honestly not even once. That’s how it happens. I still have a good career, not the one I wanted but the best I could do around his. I don’t want the same for my daughter.

You didn't go to the school you wanted, but you still got your PhD from a good program (your words) and your husband got a good job and has done his part? If your lives are decent, what is the problem here? What more are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I have seen very attractive, very successful women make their man the center of everything when they are dating or even in a relationship. Some women give up successful careers, leave behind great jobs etc not because it's the best choice but because not making that sacrifice (in their mind) may jeopardize their relationship.

What wrong with being single when the alternative is giving up so much of your personal goals?

Don't call us men for being selfish for not making similar sacrifices. You are not being forced. You can say no. If the relationship ends or never materializes because of it then be it.

My daughter is extremely smart. Her lowers grade is a 98%. She is in 10th grade and wants to be an aerospace engineering major. I won't lie my fear is that one day she meets a boy she is crazy over and gives up a lot job grad school etc just because that's what that man wants. If she ever asks me any advice about giving up anything for a man, my answer will be a resounding NO. [/quote]

Some do and some don't, different strokes for different folks. You can advise but you can't force to decide. Everyone is entitled to their priorities.

[Anonymous]

Some do and some don't, different strokes for different folks. You can advise but you can't force to decide. Everyone is entitled to their priorities.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I have seen very attractive, very successful women make their man the center of everything when they are dating or even in a relationship. Some women give up successful careers, leave behind great jobs etc not because it's the best choice but because not making that sacrifice (in their mind) may jeopardize their relationship.

What wrong with being single when the alternative is giving up so much of your personal goals?

Don't call us men for being selfish for not making similar sacrifices. You are not being forced. You can say no. If the relationship ends or never materializes because of it then be it.

My daughter is extremely smart. Her lowers grade is a 98%. She is in 10th grade and wants to be an aerospace engineering major. I won't lie my fear is that one day she meets a boy she is crazy over and gives up a lot job grad school etc just because that's what that man wants. If she ever asks me any advice about giving up anything for a man, my answer will be a resounding NO. [/quote]

If she can get good grades for herself, she can also make good decisions for herself. She doesn't have to live your dreams or a man's. She can choose what makes her happy.

[Anonymous]

If she can get good grades for herself, she can also make good decisions for herself. She doesn't have to live your dreams or a man's. She can choose what makes her happy.