MIL told DD “I love you more than I love your dad.” What now?

[Anonymous]

My parents say sh like this all the time and it absolutely is 100% manipulative or an attempt to court drama so the best thing you can do is cheerfully dismiss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Whew, thanks everyone. I was worried this was the beginning of the manipulation of DD. No one sees it as that? If not, I won’t needlessly upset DH. Thank you!

Oh no, it is definitely the beginning of manipulation. I can't believe other people can't see that!! I would mention it to your DH, but do not involve your DD in that conversation.

Absolutely this! And I agree that the MIL will feed off any drama it creates among the adults. She lit a little fuse by talking to the child and will only have achieved her goal if you let it blow up. Be as measured as possible with your daughter but do let her know that it is not the way parents typically talk about their children and that she can feel free to let grandma know that speaking badly about her father is upsetting to her. My MIL is always trying to snare me and the kids into complaining about other family members. I just starve it at the source and refuse to engage. It’s emotional immaturity plain and simple. Sorry OP!

This is bad too. Don't make the child fight the battle. Just say that "love" is a complicated word wnd people often don't know what they mean by it. And children are naturally more lovable that adults, as an evolutionary adaptation to keep them safe and healthy when they are small and weak.

Disagree, I like PP's approach because it's about the daughter setting a boundary for herself, not on behalf of her dad.

I always tell my kids that if someone is talking badly about someone you care about, you can just say "I don't feel comfortable talking about this because they are my friend." In this case, it's her dad, not her friend. But if the comments are bothering her (which of course they would) she can and should push back. That's not "putting her in the middle" it's empowering her to now out of that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and extended family live overseas. This summer I told my mom I wanted to visit without my kids (financial reasons). She immediately said: "What do we need you for?" And this is a very kind woman! She just didn't see the need to see me at all if my kids weren't coming along as well.

That’s not kind, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't sweat it too much OP.
Just say awww Grandma is silly. Maybe she loves you more because you're not at her house alllll the time. Of course she loves daddy so much.

Then forget it.

What a ridiculous response.
OP, let your husband know.
I would tell my daughter that grandma loves you but what she said was inappropriate and hurtful to daddy even if she did not mean it to be. Sweetie sometimes the adults we love and love us do things that are wrong.
And if she says something like that to you it’s ok to tell her you don’t like it.