Would you allow your child to marry or date outside your culture or religion?

[Anonymous]

DD’s friend has always had controlling parents about who she dates. The ironic thing is that her parents are mixed race. And even now, the parents still get upset if she dates someone who is either not East Asian or White.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens talking about getting married is silly. That truth is amplified by the childish notion that choosing a spouse requires parental permission.

Ignore the conversation, OP they are just kids. Thy will know better when they are adults.

You don't get it.

It's not legally required, but in some cultures, the pressure to get your parent's approval is immense.

Very religious American parents push the same kind of pressure on their kids - only a Mormon, for example. Or white or black or whatever color parent only wanting you to marry their kind.

This kind of pressure is not just present in the immigrant community. Native born Americans have similar attitudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD’s friend has always had controlling parents about who she dates. The ironic thing is that her parents are mixed race. And even now, the parents still get upset if she dates someone who is either not East Asian or White.

It's a thing for many such people. White or Asian is acceptable because of the stereotype of being from good families, educated, and having similar values on education and work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who come to the US wanting 100% acceptance yet they do not reciprocate and want an exception to be bigoted. I saw this first hand with the Muslim refugees that we took in from Syria and Afghanistan in the resettlement programs.

In the US, your adult children are free to marry anyone. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your country.

The vast majority of people in the US are immigrants. Everyone brought their own belief systems when they came. People who are native to the US make up quite a small minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both spent a long time deconstructing from our religious upbringings after we got married and had a lot of trauma we worked through in therapy due to religious childhoods.

I would be sad if our kids took any future grandkids back into a religious environment for that reason. That would lead me to be very concerned if either started dating an extremely religious (vs. culturally religious/basically agnostic) person.

That's funny bc this is exactly my family. Both DH and I were raised atheist/secular. We converted to a Protestant denomination and we are raising our kids in it. DH's dad is definitely mad about it and he kept our conversion a secret for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Allow”? By the time I was dating for marriage, my parents didn’t have any control over my dating life.

+1, of course.

[Anonymous]

Oh please, OP is just sh*t-stirring.

[Anonymous]

Yes - Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens talking about getting married is silly. That truth is amplified by the childish notion that choosing a spouse requires parental permission.

Ignore the conversation, OP they are just kids. Thy will know better when they are adults.

You don't get it.

It's not legally required, but in some cultures, the pressure to get your parent's approval is immense.

Very religious American parents push the same kind of pressure on their kids - only a Mormon, for example. Or white or black or whatever color parent only wanting you to marry their kind.

This kind of pressure is not just present in the immigrant community. Native born Americans have similar attitudes.

Yes, and that’s why many choose to leave their communities. When you tell your parents to keep their money and they aren’t welcome to visit the grandkids, you see the parents tune change real quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant parent. I have no idea what my kids are going to do here. My kids have met people from all over the world. I bet they have formed their or opinions and preferences based on the interactions.
When it comes to our own culture, the only thing I can think of is alcohol and raising kids to be independent and self-sufficient.
18-year old is already out of my house attending to college and working. I'm staying out of his life as much as possible.
It's a big cultural no-no to be in your children's business. It's almost as if they can't think for themselves/support themselves.

All you can think of is alcohol? But it’s a no-no to be in your child’s business? Which country is this?!

Maybe they are Native American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

My first thought.

Almost every Indian I know married someone white.

Not me

You made a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

It’s not strict it’s third world thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who come to the US wanting 100% acceptance yet they do not reciprocate and want an exception to be bigoted. I saw this first hand with the Muslim refugees that we took in from Syria and Afghanistan in the resettlement programs.

In the US, your adult children are free to marry anyone. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your country.

The vast majority of people in the US are immigrants. Everyone brought their own belief systems when they came. People who are native to the US make up quite a small minority.

How long do you think you have to be here? The Native people weren’t Americans because there was no such thing. My father’s side has been here since the 1850’s. My mother’s side a couple of decades later. There’s no culture except American in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please, OP is just sh*t-stirring.

+1 OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

OP is preaching to the choir