Would you allow your child to marry or date outside your culture or religion?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both spent a long time deconstructing from our religious upbringings after we got married and had a lot of trauma we worked through in therapy due to religious childhoods.

I would be sad if our kids took any future grandkids back into a religious environment for that reason. That would lead me to be very concerned if either started dating an extremely religious (vs. culturally religious/basically agnostic) person.

[Anonymous]

I'm first gen, but I've been here so long, and went to school here long enough that I have no expectations about who my child should or should not marry. They should be a good person who treats her well and respects her. Everything else is immaterial.

DH came here to study when he was older. If it were up to him, DD absolutely would marry someone from our country, and preferably from our religion (although neither of us is particularly religious). I'm not sure why he has no such reservations about who nephews/nieces date or marry, because they're certainly not dating within our nation of origin or religion.

[Anonymous]

I don't care, as long as they don't marry someone that is considered "conservative" No conservative Christians (which is usually code for Christian nationalist), conservative Muslim, Jewish, etc.

[Anonymous]

"Allow" is not a word that fits in this sentence. Adults marry. Adults do not need or get permission to do so, other than the occasional, traditional, performative "asking parent's blessing," but that is not the same as "permission."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Allow" is not a word that fits in this sentence. Adults marry. Adults do not need or get permission to do so, other than the occasional, traditional, performative "asking parent's blessing," but that is not the same as "permission."

With all due respect, do you understand your view is shaped by viewing this issue through your own cultural lens? That too, comes with unique biases and challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care, as long as they don't marry someone that is considered "conservative" No conservative Christians (which is usually code for Christian nationalist), conservative Muslim, Jewish, etc.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone with those kinds of rules for their kids are bad parents.

Same.

DD (8) told me her friend was only allowed to marry a Muslim person. I told DD she was only allow to marry a kind person.

Her friend is a nice kid as are her parents - but they are bad parents passing on their sexism and intolerance.

[Anonymous]

Date, sure. Marry, no.

[Anonymous]

People who come to the US wanting 100% acceptance yet they do not reciprocate and want an exception to be bigoted. I saw this first hand with the Muslim refugees that we took in from Syria and Afghanistan in the resettlement programs.

In the US, your adult children are free to marry anyone. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date, sure. Marry, no.

It's cute that you think you have control over this. Hope your children marry whoever they love and stop speaking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying "parents can't 'allow' their adult children anything" don't understand that in some cultures they absolutely can, and this is why they don't allow their kids to marry people like you.

Conservative cultures gonna conserve.

Yes. And sadly one of our parties does not understand this whole dynamic in the least whilst they endlessly pander to this demographic at the same time.

[Anonymous]

How sad for this child. I would love and accept my child no matter whom they marry, unless this person was abusive and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant parent. I have no idea what my kids are going to do here. My kids have met people from all over the world. I bet they have formed their or opinions and preferences based on the interactions.
When it comes to our own culture, the only thing I can think of is alcohol and raising kids to be independent and self-sufficient.
18-year old is already out of my house attending to college and working. I'm staying out of his life as much as possible.
It's a big cultural no-no to be in your children's business. It's almost as if they can't think for themselves/support themselves.

All you can think of is alcohol? But it’s a no-no to be in your child’s business? Which country is this?!

[Anonymous]

No not at all.i have 3 kids and have not heard of this being a thing at all.

[Anonymous]

Teens talking about getting married is silly. That truth is amplified by the childish notion that choosing a spouse requires parental permission.

Ignore the conversation, OP they are just kids. Thy will know better when they are adults.