Would you allow your child to marry or date outside your culture or religion?

[Anonymous]

Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

[Anonymous]

“Allow”? By the time I was dating for marriage, my parents didn’t have any control over my dating life.

[Anonymous]

I'd be fine with it, but I have no control over who my child marries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be friends with people who are racist, so this wouldn't be coming up in a carpool.

[Anonymous]

I think anyone with those kinds of rules for their kids are bad parents.

[Anonymous]

Clearly, none of you have/had first generation immigrant parents. The pressure was real in my house. Now, my parents couldn’t force me to marry within my religion bc of my age, but I did bc I wanted to and I found the right guy. 25 years and counting….

If your strong in your religion or care how your (eventual) kids are raised, it can very much matter. That doesn’t make anyone a racist.

[Anonymous]

No, but I’m not foreign. I just want my kids to be happy.

[Anonymous]

My mom was the one who wasn't supposed to marry outside her culture. She did. So you can guess my position on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

Clearly.

[Anonymous]

I’d prefer that my child partner up within our religion, but ultimately it’s up to them, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be fine with it, but I have no control over who my child marries.

This! WTF? I want my children to marry for love, without regard to race, religion, culture, etc. No doubt differences in those things can make it harder, but so can a lot of things. But the idea that I would have any say in it to the extent I did care is absolutely preposterous.

[Anonymous]

You can't control it. If you have a good relationship relationship you might be able to influence them, but it's not about what you allow or don't allow. And of course, remember that your child might be choosing this *on purpose* because they don't want to live your culture and they don't want to practice your religion. Sometimes it's not that the evil SIL or DIL is tempting them away or coercing them, it's that they found a person who matches their own views and lifestyle.

Personally having seen my dad marry into a different culture stepfamily and how difficult it's been, I wouldn't choose it for myself. I married a Midwesterner and that's hard enough. Sometimes a bad example is the most effective example.

[Anonymous]

I'm a fourth or fifth gen American so of course this sounds crazy to my ear. But if my family was more recently arrived I could understand the desire to keep a culture/language/religion connection to my heritage.

As it is, I would have a conversation with my kid about the potential issues down the line but I don't think forbid/allow is the correct framework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly, none of you have/had first generation immigrant parents. The pressure was real in my house. Now, my parents couldn’t force me to marry within my religion bc of my age, but I did bc I wanted to and I found the right guy. 25 years and counting….

If your strong in your religion or care how your (eventual) kids are raised, it can very much matter. That doesn’t make anyone a racist.

I will continue to disagree with you. These folks are absolutely racist.