I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do you have borderline personality disorder?

No, I don’t think so. Although I think I have several symptoms - primarily intense anger at times that feels inappropriate.

Underneath that anger is a set of core beliefs that need unpacking. Usually a core fear of not being good enough.

And it’s possible that therapy can makes things temporarily worse before they are better. Think of wound that’s healed badly and inhibiting your ability to use a limb. To fix the wound you have to go in and remove the scar tissue, which will make the wound more sensitive for a time while it heals properly.

I’ve stuck with therapists for years with little improvement

Wrong therapists then.

I am training to be a therapist and I get it. I’ve had many bad ones but the good ones are great.

Seems like you are fairly biased, no? Since this is how you will make $

DP here, who also trained to be a therapist. I spent two years in grad school, 4.0 GPA (which was shockingly easy to attain, compared to my engineering undergrad), completed 3 internships with glowing reviews, and was 95% done with the program. However, a little reading is a dangerous thing. I read the text books, but I also read lots of unassigned journal articles on psychotherapy research, on bioethics, and related topics.

Finally I had to admit that there was nothing behind the curtain. Sure, people are helped by a sympathetic ear. Until 100 years ago, that kind of person was called a "friend" in English. Probably similar terms in other languages, I can't help but guess. For spiritual issues, someone could go to a priest, minister, rabbi, imam, etc. For medical issues, someone could go to a medical doctor. You get the idea.

The difference between me and a lot of the other students is that I had an existing low six-figure career I could return to. For a lot of them it was either finish this or work at Whole Foods. And for some, it was finish the program AND work at Whole Foods.

Of the people I saw in internships, 70% just needed to speak honestly with a friend, 20% needed to talk to a spiritual advisor, and 10% needed a physician.

That’s when the therapists convinced us that you need a “specialist” and started inventing labels like “oversharing” to pathologize those who disagree.

We have also switched from viewing friendship as an insurance to considering it an investment, and with that change, this older way of handling relationships wouldn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had individual therapy and couples therapy and tried different types of therapies.

What am I doing wrong? Am I just too messed up to help?

My issues are generalized anxiety, social anxiety and anger issues.

Start with a neuropsych test for you or whomever you live with who suspect has a disorder. Then do targeted therapy for any Dx there.

Anxiety and depression can be common acute things. But if chronic there is usually an underlying primary DSM diagnosis to find.

No personality disorder dx. Moderate generalized anxiety for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use phd psychologist therapists in specialties that match your Dx.

Yes and?

[Anonymous]

It took me a long time to find mine and she had changed my life. She is older than the other therapists I tried previously, and I think her experience means a lot in terms of insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had individual therapy and couples therapy and tried different types of therapies.

What am I doing wrong? Am I just too messed up to help?

My issues are generalized anxiety, social anxiety and anger issues.

Start with a neuropsych test for you or whomever you live with who suspect has a disorder. Then do targeted therapy for any Dx there.

Anxiety and depression can be common acute things. But if chronic there is usually an underlying primary DSM diagnosis to find.

DBT therapy is good for many executive functioning and social disorders. If the patient sticks w it and does the work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How hard do you actually work on yourself and the issues the therapists bring up. A couple bad therapists is one thing. Multiple therapists and none helping usually means the problem lies with you.

Therapists don't actually do anything. It isn't surprising that they aren't going to help.

My therapist helped me when I wanted to end my life.

A stranger on the bridge would have helped. Some people just love to trauma dump, and therapists are there to take your whining and your money. If you have decent relationships, you don't need to pay someone to listen to you.

NP I talk to my therapist about lots of things I do not want to share with my friends, any of them. She doesn't always come up with anything all that valuable but she's real good at helping me look at some things from another point of view and also organize my thoughts coherently so I can hopefully come up with some solutions myself. My therapy is entirely covered by my insurance so on some level she's "taking my money" but it's totally painless for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard do you actually work on yourself and the issues the therapists bring up. A couple bad therapists is one thing. Multiple therapists and none helping usually means the problem lies with you.

Therapists don't actually do anything. It isn't surprising that they aren't going to help.

My therapist helped me when I wanted to end my life.

A stranger on the bridge would have helped. Some people just love to trauma dump, and therapists are there to take your whining and your money. If you have decent relationships, you don't need to pay someone to listen to you.

NP I talk to my therapist about lots of things I do not want to share with my friends, any of them. She doesn't always come up with anything all that valuable but she's real good at helping me look at some things from another point of view and also organize my thoughts coherently so I can hopefully come up with some solutions myself. My therapy is entirely covered by my insurance so on some level she's "taking my money" but it's totally painless for me.

Another NP here and I agree with the bolded above. Also, it would not be productive for me and probably harmful to share certain things with my complicated and somewhat limited (though beloved) family members. I am introvert and feel comfortable with solitude, and it’s hard to make new close and trustworthy friends where there is a balance of give and take.

I am very fortunate that my psychologist is a great fit and I can afford to pay out of pocket. Yes, I pay her to listen to me, but I like the professional distance. There’s no need for me to reciprocate as in a friendship, which is a relief for me. Her job is to listen, encourage, give suggestions and strategies, point out where I’m shortchanging myself, support me in my daily life and plans for my future self.

At the end of every session I feel unburdened and lighter. It is worth it for me. YMMV