Why do people marry unattractive people?

[Anonymous]

I was quite good-looking. I would say a solid 8. Then I got cancer and chemo did a number on me. Lost my eyelashes, brows, skin darkened unevenly, I became emaciated looking, was too sick and lost muscles...and I realized how transient looks are. I have aged 10 years in these short months and I still have some ways to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes there is just something about someone that attracts a mate.
Humor, quirks, goals, compatibility, etc.

Even people considered "ugly" can be quite "attractive", such as Vin Diesel for example. Not that good looking at all, sloping forehead, big nose, droopy face, but he has something about him that makes him hot.

Yeah, he’s insanely fit (and rich.)

Ok there's another thing - why would you marry a guy who's got a fit body buthisface/butherface? Face is much more important than body.

Woman here: the body is SO MUCH MORE important to me than the face! The scent, wide shoulders, tight butt, straight attractive legs. I don't care much for the face, unless he has some serious deficiencies like acne all over, crooked nose etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? How is this a question?

First off, some people are "unattractive" themselves. I am guessing you are not confused by ugly people marrying ugly people? And that you are confused by people who are 8/9 on the looks scale marrying people who are 5/6/7? I mean ... looks are only part of who someone is. And there are other things that are at least as important if not more so when choosing a life partner. How do you get to be an adult and not understand that?

Assortive mating is definitely a thing. I'm not denying that. But multiple traits -- not just physical attractiveness (or "great wealth" as you put it) -- are involved.

OP here. How can a person maintain a marriage to someone who is not physically attractive? I married a funny really good looking guy. Now granted he's a worker bee not a management type, doesn't do a lot with the kids or around the house without me asking him, etc., but we've been married over 15 years. I couldn't put up with the laziness and ordinariness of his ambitions unless he were good looking. KWIM?

And a pretty face would never trump those things, for me. Nice looking is nice to have, lazy is a nonstarter.

[Anonymous]

I always wonder this when I see a short man with a wedding ring on. Like, who would?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes there is just something about someone that attracts a mate.
Humor, quirks, goals, compatibility, etc.

Even people considered "ugly" can be quite "attractive", such as Vin Diesel for example. Not that good looking at all, sloping forehead, big nose, droopy face, but he has something about him that makes him hot.

I was thinking Will Ferrell. Not attractive at all, but his personality and sense of humor are second to none - and that's attractive.

[Anonymous]

Personality is attractive

The short man hater can FO

[Anonymous]

The older I get, the more I notice that it is the more "unattractive" people who have the better personalities.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty average looking, and have dated handsome interesting men all my life. Then married one. People routinely say "you didn't tell me he was hot" when meeting my guy for the first time. They're surprised, which confirms that we are mismatched in terms of attractiveness.

I think if you ask those men why they were with me, they'd say it's because I'm FUN. I'm also well-read and kind. I will show you a good time, take you somewhere you've never been, make you a great meal, teach you something new, keep up with you conversationally, and make you feel good.

I guess if you're happy with your lazy-but-cute husband, maybe you don't want to trade up to someone like mine. But if you ever do, trying having a personality. That's what's worked for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder this when I see a short man with a wedding ring on. Like, who would?

Someone who isn't a superficial trashy nightmare probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The older I get, the more I notice that it is the more "unattractive" people who have the better personalities.

Those who can’t play the pretty privilege card have to figure out how to be normal human beings. The attractive ones never do, and then it’s too late.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I hope you’re this honest IRL so you get a partner you deserve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder this when I see a short man with a wedding ring on. Like, who would?

What the hell is wrong with you??

[Anonymous]

Attraction is fluid. Once I dated a guy who was honestly a 3, but his charisma and kindness were so off the charts, over time he became an 8-9 to me.

I’m a woman, though. I think men are different, and over time a woman becomes less attractive to them.

[Anonymous]

My question to OP is why do so many attractive men divorce their high maintenance, thin, blonde wives?

Ooooh because they realized to late that personality and kindness is more important than a nice body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question to OP is why do so many attractive men divorce their high maintenance, thin, blonde wives?

Ooooh because they realized to late that personality and kindness is more important than a nice body.

It plays out in the “men cheat down” trope, too.