Gross Things Your Parents Did

[Anonymous]

Sooo many things.
Mother would walk around the house bare chested because she was hot when my brother wasn’t around. My father was sometimes around though, and I was grossed out as well.
At least he wore his pants.

There’s just too much to list.
After my mother died I got a glimpse into my dad’s disgusting habits because I started coming over to help and later moved him closer to me and now visit regularly. He had this one bowl he eats his slop from. Slop as in mixing everything together - soup, some grains, veggies, whatever he has that day. He then leaves the empty bowl on the table and reuses it without washing. When I visit I make him wash it of course but he doesn’t do it when he is alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many canned peas and canned green beans as the vegetable for dinner.

Yeah what was this about? My mother would buy canned asparagus (yuck) and it wasn’t until I was buying my own groceries in college did I realize fresh vegetables can actually taste good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many canned peas and canned green beans as the vegetable for dinner.

Yeah what was this about? My mother would buy canned asparagus (yuck) and it wasn’t until I was buying my own groceries in college did I realize fresh vegetables can actually taste good.

I think this was pretty standard in the 70s. My parents too, even though they had a garden, they canned most of it.
I really can’t think of too many things my parents did that were disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not wash their hands enough. Like they often prepared food or ate food with their hands without washing their hands first, and I only started doing this as an adult when I realized it was unsanitary. They did wash their hands after the bathroom, but otherwise were pretty loose with it.

We also wore shoes in the house and now that seems disgusting to me.

My dad would pick his teeth with a toothpick or sometimes with his fingernails after certain meals. But that I knew was gross -- my mom would give him a hard time about it and ask him to leave the table. Ironically, I have more sympathy for my dad about this now because I have similar teeth and have discovered in middle age that I am very prone to getting things stuck between my teeth during meals. But I excuse myself and take care of it in private, and also carry flossers in my purse for this purpose.

That's it though. I actually don't think this is is terrible. My parents both grew up quite poor, in huge families with minimal parenting. I grew up middle class and it's not surprising there were some manners deficits given their backgrounds. I actually think they did really well considering they really had to work at it. Moving up classes is challenging and requires a lot of attention to detail and and discipline. I didn't appreciate how much my parents had to do to transcend their backgrounds until I was much older.

My parents both grew up quite poor, too, but their parents made it clear that money/wealth had no bearing on manners. My grandmother lived in a house in Ireland with no running water but had impeccable manners. I've met billionaires who are incredibly gauche. I don't think there's a 1:1...

It might not be a 1:1 but there's a strong correlation. It's not a personal failing, it's built into conceptions of class. A lot of manners are not intuitive, but part of a code specifically designed to help upper class people identify one another. So if your grandmother had impeccable manners, she went out of her way to learn that code and apply it, or her own parents did. It didn't just come naturally -- it takes effort. It especially takes effort if someone is raised in a lower class household where that code is an unknown mystery.

Which is also why billionaires sometimes have terrible manners. They have money but they don't know the code because they didn't grow up with it.

You think manners are a sign of a person's inherent goodness but they are entirely separate.

There is an argument that the "elite" serve a really important civilizing function for the rest of society--specifically b/c people try to emulate them--and that it's big reason society has become increasingly dysfunctional today. For example, if the upper-class divorces or chooses to have children outside of marriage, it's not a huge deal. There are dozens of supports in place that ensure that the children grow up in a functional setting. When the lower classes emulate this it's a disaster.

I.e. there is a direct line from "hold the door open for ladies" to "don't beat your wife." These social norms aren't needed by the upper class, strictly speaking, but they are needed for those who struggle to function in society to maintain some guardrails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made me realize DCUM is mostly a bunch of backwoods hillbillies that pretend to be rich and are too good for their home towns now that they discovered the big bad city.

I have a bit of the aspirational striver in me, aiming for some luxuries, enjoying the food and travel, kid in private school. Yep. I came from dirt poor midwestern stock. My insulated boots were old wonder bread bags. Grandma ate pickled beets and eggs and I took a bath after her in the same water. Vacation was to do house chores. We grew things in the garden but somehow the green vegetables were always pale from a can. So I am definitely a bit prone to what you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sooo many things.
Mother would walk around the house bare chested because she was hot when my brother wasn’t around. My father was sometimes around though, and I was grossed out as well.
At least he wore his pants.

There’s just too much to list.
After my mother died I got a glimpse into my dad’s disgusting habits because I started coming over to help and later moved him closer to me and now visit regularly. He had this one bowl he eats his slop from. Slop as in mixing everything together - soup, some grains, veggies, whatever he has that day. He then leaves the empty bowl on the table and reuses it without washing. When I visit I make him wash it of course but he doesn’t do it when he is alone.

Why do you think it was gross your mom sometimes walked around topless at home? As someone who breastfed, this doesn't seem like a big deal.

The food bowl thing with your dad is kind of gross, but only because he's not washing that bowl regularly. I don't think it's gross to combine grains and veggies to eat them. I also think you calling it "slop" is making it sound grosser than it is. It just sounds like food to me.

The judgment you have here seems deeply misplaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are some gross things your parents did? I'm wondering if some of this will turn out to be mostly generational stuff.

My mother drank from the carton/bottle/pitcher -- as in the big one in the fridge that was for everyone. She'd grab the 2 liter of pepsi, unscrew the top, and drink from the bottle, and put it back. Disgusting. Did the same with milk, a kool-aid pitcher, etc.

My mom and stepdad probably showered 3 times a week or so. My step dad was a doctor -- a freaking pathologist -- you would think he would have known better. Nope. Rarely, if ever, saw them wash their hands. I do feel like those silent gen folks did not shower enough.

Showering three times a week isn’t gross. It is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not wash their hands enough. Like they often prepared food or ate food with their hands without washing their hands first, and I only started doing this as an adult when I realized it was unsanitary. They did wash their hands after the bathroom, but otherwise were pretty loose with it.

We also wore shoes in the house and now that seems disgusting to me.

My dad would pick his teeth with a toothpick or sometimes with his fingernails after certain meals. But that I knew was gross -- my mom would give him a hard time about it and ask him to leave the table. Ironically, I have more sympathy for my dad about this now because I have similar teeth and have discovered in middle age that I am very prone to getting things stuck between my teeth during meals. But I excuse myself and take care of it in private, and also carry flossers in my purse for this purpose.

That's it though. I actually don't think this is is terrible. My parents both grew up quite poor, in huge families with minimal parenting. I grew up middle class and it's not surprising there were some manners deficits given their backgrounds. I actually think they did really well considering they really had to work at it. Moving up classes is challenging and requires a lot of attention to detail and and discipline. I didn't appreciate how much my parents had to do to transcend their backgrounds until I was much older.

My parents both grew up quite poor, too, but their parents made it clear that money/wealth had no bearing on manners. My grandmother lived in a house in Ireland with no running water but had impeccable manners. I've met billionaires who are incredibly gauche. I don't think there's a 1:1...

It might not be a 1:1 but there's a strong correlation. It's not a personal failing, it's built into conceptions of class. A lot of manners are not intuitive, but part of a code specifically designed to help upper class people identify one another. So if your grandmother had impeccable manners, she went out of her way to learn that code and apply it, or her own parents did. It didn't just come naturally -- it takes effort. It especially takes effort if someone is raised in a lower class household where that code is an unknown mystery.

Which is also why billionaires sometimes have terrible manners. They have money but they don't know the code because they didn't grow up with it.

You think manners are a sign of a person's inherent goodness but they are entirely separate.

There is an argument that the "elite" serve a really important civilizing function for the rest of society--specifically b/c people try to emulate them--and that it's big reason society has become increasingly dysfunctional today. For example, if the upper-class divorces or chooses to have children outside of marriage, it's not a huge deal. There are dozens of supports in place that ensure that the children grow up in a functional setting. When the lower classes emulate this it's a disaster.

I.e. there is a direct line from "hold the door open for ladies" to "don't beat your wife." These social norms aren't needed by the upper class, strictly speaking, but they are needed for those who struggle to function in society to maintain some guardrails.

Yes that argument exists but it's always been a bit of a lie. Elites have always engaged in immoral and harmful behaviors, they just have the means and self-awareness to hide it (or used to). For instance domestic violence has long existed among elites but tends to be a closely guarded secret. Elites have also always stolen and lied, but often from behind a shield of lawyers and other enabling.

Also normalizing divorce has upsides, like enabling people to escape abusive relationships.

Manners are just a social code. And you have to learn them, and they are determined by the ruling class, and generally rigged in their favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some gross things your parents did? I'm wondering if some of this will turn out to be mostly generational stuff.

My mother drank from the carton/bottle/pitcher -- as in the big one in the fridge that was for everyone. She'd grab the 2 liter of pepsi, unscrew the top, and drink from the bottle, and put it back. Disgusting. Did the same with milk, a kool-aid pitcher, etc.

My mom and stepdad probably showered 3 times a week or so. My step dad was a doctor -- a freaking pathologist -- you would think he would have known better. Nope. Rarely, if ever, saw them wash their hands. I do feel like those silent gen folks did not shower enough.

It's cute that you think your stepdad was wrong about showering or that you know better than a pathologist.

I will assure you that he was absolutely filthy.

Maybe he was filthy, but in general, there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about showering 3-4 times a week.

The minimum here is twice a day. That's 14 times a week.

holy cow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother never did anything gross. She was always proper. My father chewed with his mouth open.

We are way grosser today than in recent generations. There were so many rules that governed behavior and most things were taboo.

Disgusting!

Talking with your mouth full or chewing with your mouth open ruins the meal for everyone at the table.

How can people not understand this?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not wash their hands enough. Like they often prepared food or ate food with their hands without washing their hands first, and I only started doing this as an adult when I realized it was unsanitary. They did wash their hands after the bathroom, but otherwise were pretty loose with it.

We also wore shoes in the house and now that seems disgusting to me.

My dad would pick his teeth with a toothpick or sometimes with his fingernails after certain meals. But that I knew was gross -- my mom would give him a hard time about it and ask him to leave the table. Ironically, I have more sympathy for my dad about this now because I have similar teeth and have discovered in middle age that I am very prone to getting things stuck between my teeth during meals. But I excuse myself and take care of it in private, and also carry flossers in my purse for this purpose.

That's it though. I actually don't think this is is terrible. My parents both grew up quite poor, in huge families with minimal parenting. I grew up middle class and it's not surprising there were some manners deficits given their backgrounds. I actually think they did really well considering they really had to work at it. Moving up classes is challenging and requires a lot of attention to detail and and discipline. I didn't appreciate how much my parents had to do to transcend their backgrounds until I was much older.

My parents both grew up quite poor, too, but their parents made it clear that money/wealth had no bearing on manners. My grandmother lived in a house in Ireland with no running water but had impeccable manners. I've met billionaires who are incredibly gauche. I don't think there's a 1:1...

It might not be a 1:1 but there's a strong correlation. It's not a personal failing, it's built into conceptions of class. A lot of manners are not intuitive, but part of a code specifically designed to help upper class people identify one another. So if your grandmother had impeccable manners, she went out of her way to learn that code and apply it, or her own parents did. It didn't just come naturally -- it takes effort. It especially takes effort if someone is raised in a lower class household where that code is an unknown mystery.

Which is also why billionaires sometimes have terrible manners. They have money but they don't know the code because they didn't grow up with it.

You think manners are a sign of a person's inherent goodness but they are entirely separate.

There is an argument that the "elite" serve a really important civilizing function for the rest of society--specifically b/c people try to emulate them--and that it's big reason society has become increasingly dysfunctional today. For example, if the upper-class divorces or chooses to have children outside of marriage, it's not a huge deal. There are dozens of supports in place that ensure that the children grow up in a functional setting. When the lower classes emulate this it's a disaster.

I.e. there is a direct line from "hold the door open for ladies" to "don't beat your wife." These social norms aren't needed by the upper class, strictly speaking, but they are needed for those who struggle to function in society to maintain some guardrails.

It's hard to see the elite beat their wife and children from the other side of the gated estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom would burp often as she got older, most the time with an open mouth. Now DH is doing it and it's not attractive.

My mother thought farting was funny. And did not hesitate to do it, even at the dinner table. NOT cute.

I'm a woman and don't do it around company or at a dinner table, but farting is as natural as talking. You're the weird one.

Eh. My mom farted very loudly and smelly pretty much all the time. She always had severe digestive issues, which I attribute to her drinking. But it gets old after a while. She also had an ostomy bag for a time and would “let it out” after a meal, so we’d see what she was digesting. Totally gross and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a special pail for food scraps for composting. My dad would catch mice overnight in the house and just empty the traps into the pail, and the dead mice would lie on top until my mom made him take it outside.

Oh good lord, that is bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made me realize DCUM is mostly a bunch of backwoods hillbillies that pretend to be rich and are too good for their home towns now that they discovered the big bad city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some gross things your parents did? I'm wondering if some of this will turn out to be mostly generational stuff.

My mother drank from the carton/bottle/pitcher -- as in the big one in the fridge that was for everyone. She'd grab the 2 liter of pepsi, unscrew the top, and drink from the bottle, and put it back. Disgusting. Did the same with milk, a kool-aid pitcher, etc.

My mom and stepdad probably showered 3 times a week or so. My step dad was a doctor -- a freaking pathologist -- you would think he would have known better. Nope. Rarely, if ever, saw them wash their hands. I do feel like those silent gen folks did not shower enough.

It's cute that you think your stepdad was wrong about showering or that you know better than a pathologist.

I will assure you that he was absolutely filthy.

Maybe he was filthy, but in general, there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about showering 3-4 times a week.

Entirely depends on several factors like job, age, gender, environment, etc.