Gross Things Your Parents Did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad would pour Hawaiian Punch into his beer. This is a man who was raised in Germany with German parents, for Pete's sake!

Have you ever heard of Altbierbowle? Sounds like a make-shift version.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sooo many things.
Mother would walk around the house bare chested because she was hot when my brother wasn’t around. My father was sometimes around though, and I was grossed out as well.
At least he wore his pants.

There’s just too much to list.
After my mother died I got a glimpse into my dad’s disgusting habits because I started coming over to help and later moved him closer to me and now visit regularly. He had this one bowl he eats his slop from. Slop as in mixing everything together - soup, some grains, veggies, whatever he has that day. He then leaves the empty bowl on the table and reuses it without washing. When I visit I make him wash it of course but he doesn’t do it when he is alone.

Why do you think it was gross your mom sometimes walked around topless at home? As someone who breastfed, this doesn't seem like a big deal.

The food bowl thing with your dad is kind of gross, but only because he's not washing that bowl regularly. I don't think it's gross to combine grains and veggies to eat them. I also think you calling it "slop" is making it sound grosser than it is. It just sounds like food to me.

The judgment you have here seems deeply misplaced.

When your kids are WAY beyond breastfeeding years, yes it’s incredibly inappropriate to walk around topless. No one wants to see that.

...what is the problem? This seems oddly prudish. We're talking about someone in their own home, with immediate family. Breasts are not genitals.

And where do you draw the line? What if someone on a hot day wears a light cotton dress around the house without a bra. Is that "incredibly inappropriate"?

I'm honestly baffled by this one. There's nothing sexual or unhygienic about this. No one is objecting to a dad walking around without his shirt off. I'm not trolling, I truly don't get this.

In American society, breasts are private.

In many societies breasts are private. And in most societies, females do not typically walk around completely topless in front of their family members. (With the exception being nudists which is an entirely different topic.)

Would it be OK for a teen girl to go topless in front of her father and brothers? If PP is "baffled" why this is not acceptable there may be something psychological going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom liked to walk around the house in her underwear (if that). She thought that was fine because she didn't have sons, only daughters, but my sister hated it SO MUCH. I thought it was weird, but it didn't make my blood boil. It definitely wasn't sexual, she was just hot.

In general, I try to be understanding with my kids, and if they ask me not to do something (within reason), I oblige.

My dad would walk around in his underwear and he had three daughters. I think he was on the spectrum because he never would hve done that in front of nonfamily.

He may have been on the spectrum but the fact that he knows not to do this around non-family speaks of boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What are some gross things your parents did? I'm wondering if some of this will turn out to be mostly generational stuff.

My mother drank from the carton/bottle/pitcher -- as in the big one in the fridge that was for everyone. She'd grab the 2 liter of pepsi, unscrew the top, and drink from the bottle, and put it back. Disgusting. Did the same with milk, a kool-aid pitcher, etc.

My mom and stepdad probably showered 3 times a week or so. My step dad was a doctor -- a freaking pathologist -- you would think he would have known better. Nope. Rarely, if ever, saw them wash their hands. I do feel like those silent gen folks did not shower enough.

It's cute that you think your stepdad was wrong about showering or that you know better than a pathologist.

I will assure you that he was absolutely filthy.

Maybe he was filthy, but in general, there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about showering 3-4 times a week.

I like to feel fresh. I shower am and pm. Who wants to ride Metro, do housework and get into bed without showering?

I definitely think it is very gross to go to bed without bathing/showering. The bed you sleep in should be clean, not a rubbing mat for the grime accumulated at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother still offers me her used bath water. We used to bathe in series- Mom, me, brother. Whatever. We weren’t any sicker back when we were less hygienic. And yes I wash my hands after using the toilet.

Meh, I re-used my children's bath water. It takes a long time to drain and re-fill a tub. And we have a big tub. I didn't have time for that when they were small.
And it's a waste of water resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not wash their hands enough. Like they often prepared food or ate food with their hands without washing their hands first, and I only started doing this as an adult when I realized it was unsanitary. They did wash their hands after the bathroom, but otherwise were pretty loose with it.

We also wore shoes in the house and now that seems disgusting to me.

My dad would pick his teeth with a toothpick or sometimes with his fingernails after certain meals. But that I knew was gross -- my mom would give him a hard time about it and ask him to leave the table. Ironically, I have more sympathy for my dad about this now because I have similar teeth and have discovered in middle age that I am very prone to getting things stuck between my teeth during meals. But I excuse myself and take care of it in private, and also carry flossers in my purse for this purpose.

That's it though. I actually don't think this is is terrible. My parents both grew up quite poor, in huge families with minimal parenting. I grew up middle class and it's not surprising there were some manners deficits given their backgrounds. I actually think they did really well considering they really had to work at it. Moving up classes is challenging and requires a lot of attention to detail and and discipline. I didn't appreciate how much my parents had to do to transcend their backgrounds until I was much older.

My parents both grew up quite poor, too, but their parents made it clear that money/wealth had no bearing on manners. My grandmother lived in a house in Ireland with no running water but had impeccable manners. I've met billionaires who are incredibly gauche. I don't think there's a 1:1...

It might not be a 1:1 but there's a strong correlation. It's not a personal failing, it's built into conceptions of class. A lot of manners are not intuitive, but part of a code specifically designed to help upper class people identify one another. So if your grandmother had impeccable manners, she went out of her way to learn that code and apply it, or her own parents did. It didn't just come naturally -- it takes effort. It especially takes effort if someone is raised in a lower class household where that code is an unknown mystery.

Which is also why billionaires sometimes have terrible manners. They have money but they don't know the code because they didn't grow up with it.

You think manners are a sign of a person's inherent goodness but they are entirely separate.

My understanding of manners and etiquette is behavior that puts others at ease and smooths social interaction. This covers being gracious & polite. You don't have to like the person, but at least be polite.
Farting or belching at the dinner table, picking one's orifices in mixed company - those behaviors do not put others at ease. They are distracting and put the focus on the farter/belcher/orifice picker's bodily functions and/or malfunctions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom would always lick her finger and use it to clean our faces.

I have never once done that to my kids.

came here to say this too. My mom wore dentures that I’m not sure were cleaned regularly (though I could be wrong) and she always cheered doublemint gum so her spit was sticky and stinky. I hated it. If I fought it, she’d grab my face and squeeze.

They also kept bacon grease in mugs ands empty cans. Mostly mugs. So many mugs of bacon grease that my stepfather wouldn’t let us throw away for some reason. Eventually my mom needed a long series of surgeries and my older sister came to help out. She and I cleaned the kitchen and boot did we hear about throwing away all that rancid years old bacon grease. 🤣🙄

Hm, I save my bacon grease too but actually re-use it in cooking instead of say, olive oil. It adds a little bit of bacon flavor to grilled foods. It's basically fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not wash their hands enough. Like they often prepared food or ate food with their hands without washing their hands first, and I only started doing this as an adult when I realized it was unsanitary. They did wash their hands after the bathroom, but otherwise were pretty loose with it.

We also wore shoes in the house and now that seems disgusting to me.

My dad would pick his teeth with a toothpick or sometimes with his fingernails after certain meals. But that I knew was gross -- my mom would give him a hard time about it and ask him to leave the table. Ironically, I have more sympathy for my dad about this now because I have similar teeth and have discovered in middle age that I am very prone to getting things stuck between my teeth during meals. But I excuse myself and take care of it in private, and also carry flossers in my purse for this purpose.

That's it though. I actually don't think this is is terrible. My parents both grew up quite poor, in huge families with minimal parenting. I grew up middle class and it's not surprising there were some manners deficits given their backgrounds. I actually think they did really well considering they really had to work at it. Moving up classes is challenging and requires a lot of attention to detail and and discipline. I didn't appreciate how much my parents had to do to transcend their backgrounds until I was much older.

My parents both grew up quite poor, too, but their parents made it clear that money/wealth had no bearing on manners. My grandmother lived in a house in Ireland with no running water but had impeccable manners. I've met billionaires who are incredibly gauche. I don't think there's a 1:1...

It might not be a 1:1 but there's a strong correlation. It's not a personal failing, it's built into conceptions of class. A lot of manners are not intuitive, but part of a code specifically designed to help upper class people identify one another. So if your grandmother had impeccable manners, she went out of her way to learn that code and apply it, or her own parents did. It didn't just come naturally -- it takes effort. It especially takes effort if someone is raised in a lower class household where that code is an unknown mystery.

Which is also why billionaires sometimes have terrible manners. They have money but they don't know the code because they didn't grow up with it.

You think manners are a sign of a person's inherent goodness but they are entirely separate.

There is an argument that the "elite" serve a really important civilizing function for the rest of society--specifically b/c people try to emulate them--and that it's big reason society has become increasingly dysfunctional today. For example, if the upper-class divorces or chooses to have children outside of marriage, it's not a huge deal. There are dozens of supports in place that ensure that the children grow up in a functional setting. When the lower classes emulate this it's a disaster.

I.e. there is a direct line from "hold the door open for ladies" to "don't beat your wife." These social norms aren't needed by the upper class, strictly speaking, but they are needed for those who struggle to function in society to maintain some guardrails.

But Hollywood does this with their children.

Why can’t we?

I know! I mean, if Melanie Griffith can have children by several different men, why can't I?
Oh wait, my parents weren't Hollywood celebs and have no nepo offspring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooo many things.
Mother would walk around the house bare chested because she was hot when my brother wasn’t around. My father was sometimes around though, and I was grossed out as well.
At least he wore his pants.

There’s just too much to list.
After my mother died I got a glimpse into my dad’s disgusting habits because I started coming over to help and later moved him closer to me and now visit regularly. He had this one bowl he eats his slop from. Slop as in mixing everything together - soup, some grains, veggies, whatever he has that day. He then leaves the empty bowl on the table and reuses it without washing. When I visit I make him wash it of course but he doesn’t do it when he is alone.

Why do you think it was gross your mom sometimes walked around topless at home? As someone who breastfed, this doesn't seem like a big deal.

The food bowl thing with your dad is kind of gross, but only because he's not washing that bowl regularly. I don't think it's gross to combine grains and veggies to eat them. I also think you calling it "slop" is making it sound grosser than it is. It just sounds like food to me.

The judgment you have here seems deeply misplaced.

When your kids are WAY beyond breastfeeding years, yes it’s incredibly inappropriate to walk around topless. No one wants to see that.

...what is the problem? This seems oddly prudish. We're talking about someone in their own home, with immediate family. Breasts are not genitals.

And where do you draw the line? What if someone on a hot day wears a light cotton dress around the house without a bra. Is that "incredibly inappropriate"?

I'm honestly baffled by this one. There's nothing sexual or unhygienic about this. No one is objecting to a dad walking around without his shirt off. I'm not trolling, I truly don't get this.

In American society, breasts are private.

In many societies breasts are private. And in most societies, females do not typically walk around completely topless in front of their family members. (With the exception being nudists which is an entirely different topic.)

Would it be OK for a teen girl to go topless in front of her father and brothers? If PP is "baffled" why this is not acceptable there may be something psychological going on.

PP here and the example you give us specific -- I'm guessing that scenario would make all family members uncomfortable so they wouldn't do it.

But I'm Swedish and my husband is Korean, and it's not considered weird in either of our cultures for women to be topless around young kids (pre-puberty), especially girls. There's nothing sexual or "psychological" about it. It's also normal for my DD (who is 7) to come into my bathroom while I'm showering if she needs to, and vice versa.

Teens become more private with their bodies, that's normal. And also more shy about their families. Aa kids express needs for privacy, we give it to them. But for instance it would be normal in my house for me to walk through the house topless while getting ready in the morning, or for DD to be naked around the house before or after a shower or while getting ready for bed.

I genuinely don't get what the big deal is. This is also how I was raised and it's not "gross" or traumatic to me.

[Anonymous]

So rich people have a code? Rich people and … Dexter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooo many things.
Mother would walk around the house bare chested because she was hot when my brother wasn’t around. My father was sometimes around though, and I was grossed out as well.
At least he wore his pants.

There’s just too much to list.
After my mother died I got a glimpse into my dad’s disgusting habits because I started coming over to help and later moved him closer to me and now visit regularly. He had this one bowl he eats his slop from. Slop as in mixing everything together - soup, some grains, veggies, whatever he has that day. He then leaves the empty bowl on the table and reuses it without washing. When I visit I make him wash it of course but he doesn’t do it when he is alone.

Why do you think it was gross your mom sometimes walked around topless at home? As someone who breastfed, this doesn't seem like a big deal.

The food bowl thing with your dad is kind of gross, but only because he's not washing that bowl regularly. I don't think it's gross to combine grains and veggies to eat them. I also think you calling it "slop" is making it sound grosser than it is. It just sounds like food to me.

The judgment you have here seems deeply misplaced.

When your kids are WAY beyond breastfeeding years, yes it’s incredibly inappropriate to walk around topless. No one wants to see that.

...what is the problem? This seems oddly prudish. We're talking about someone in their own home, with immediate family. Breasts are not genitals.

And where do you draw the line? What if someone on a hot day wears a light cotton dress around the house without a bra. Is that "incredibly inappropriate"?

I'm honestly baffled by this one. There's nothing sexual or unhygienic about this. No one is objecting to a dad walking around without his shirt off. I'm not trolling, I truly don't get this.

In American society, breasts are private.

In many societies breasts are private. And in most societies, females do not typically walk around completely topless in front of their family members. (With the exception being nudists which is an entirely different topic.)

Would it be OK for a teen girl to go topless in front of her father and brothers? If PP is "baffled" why this is not acceptable there may be something psychological going on.

PP here and the example you give us specific -- I'm guessing that scenario would make all family members uncomfortable so they wouldn't do it.

But I'm Swedish and my husband is Korean, and it's not considered weird in either of our cultures for women to be topless around young kids (pre-puberty), especially girls. There's nothing sexual or "psychological" about it. It's also normal for my DD (who is 7) to come into my bathroom while I'm showering if she needs to, and vice versa.

Teens become more private with their bodies, that's normal. And also more shy about their families. Aa kids express needs for privacy, we give it to them. But for instance it would be normal in my house for me to walk through the house topless while getting ready in the morning, or for DD to be naked around the house before or after a shower or while getting ready for bed.

I genuinely don't get what the big deal is. This is also how I was raised and it's not "gross" or traumatic to me.

But you're Swedish. That's YOUR culture and your norm. It's not the norm here in the U.S. and is a big deal for many people. That's what you need to "get." It's one thing to share a bathroom with a parent of the same sex but a 7 year old daughter who walks "around the house" nude is not the norm. If she were to do that at a friend's house it would definitely be cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom would burp often as she got older, most the time with an open mouth. Now DH is doing it and it's not attractive.

My mother thought farting was funny. And did not hesitate to do it, even at the dinner table. NOT cute.

What kind of stick up the butt kid doesn’t think farts are funny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother still offers me her used bath water. We used to bathe in series- Mom, me, brother. Whatever. We weren’t any sicker back when we were less hygienic. And yes I wash my hands after using the toilet.

People living in rural areas did not have running water into the 1960’s and later so it wasn’t unusual to use the same bath water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I asked my DS if I inadvertently do anything gross around the house. It was a relief when he told me I was "pretty normal."

Lol

Good checkin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They voted Republican.

It’s gotta be exhausting to be around you. You think you’re clever and "hip’ but you’re not.