Asking if anyone has experienced engaging the birth mom of your adopted child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My son found his birth mother but she was remarried and her husband didn't know he existed. She denied contact and it led to years of additional emotional trauma.
This is a subject that is rarely discussed in adoption and should be. No matter how you try to prepare your child, the additional abandonment is really difficult.

Totally agree. it is important to talk about what the expectations of reunion are. Even if the adoptee is going into it ostensibly to satisfy curiosity about biological family story, medical history, there is inevitably pain.

There is not "inevitably pain" in reuinion with first families. Many of us have found joy and healing in reuinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My son found his birth mother but she was remarried and her husband didn't know he existed. She denied contact and it led to years of additional emotional trauma.
This is a subject that is rarely discussed in adoption and should be. No matter how you try to prepare your child, the additional abandonment is really difficult.

Totally agree. it is important to talk about what the expectations of reunion are. Even if the adoptee is going into it ostensibly to satisfy curiosity about biological family story, medical history, there is inevitably pain.

There is not "inevitably pain" in reuinion with first families. Many of us have found joy and healing in reuinion.

+1, there is joy all around with frequent contact with our child's birth family who we all consider family. They are so loving and supportive and we don't consider them birth vs. adoptive but all consider each other family.