Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

Because “we just had another kid and my wife is overwhelmed but I’m acting like there have been no major changes” is too succinct and casts blame in exactly the right place.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is being a jerk. Sarcastic and snarky comments are not a mature way to communicate. Asking “do you want to see your kid?” during a busy workday is not nice. You are not frolicking at the gym or doing PlayStation. You’re WORKING. She needs to snap out of it and realize you’re not doing anything wrong. If she’s lonely she needs to meet up with other people, not hound you when you’re busy with work.

Why not decide that your wife should plan on your workday ending at 5:15, if consistency is that important, and she can plan accordingly. That will take the stress out of wondering when you’re going to sign off.

Next time you have presentations to do, consider renting a hotel room and doing your work day there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is being a jerk. Sarcastic and snarky comments are not a mature way to communicate. Asking “do you want to see your kid?” during a busy workday is not nice. You are not frolicking at the gym or doing PlayStation. You’re WORKING. She needs to snap out of it and realize you’re not doing anything wrong. If she’s lonely she needs to meet up with other people, not hound you when you’re busy with work.

Why not decide that your wife should plan on your workday ending at 5:15, if consistency is that important, and she can plan accordingly. That will take the stress out of wondering when you’re going to sign off.

Next time you have presentations to do, consider renting a hotel room and doing your work day there.

He could have just gone to his in-laws house. They were out of town.
So could she for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid struggles of people from majority culture is so entertaining.

A marriage headed for divorce.

Ughhh.. Harsh but yeah..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a B

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

You’re f’in ridiculous. OP has to work. They have kids. Employers aren’t paying people to have kid time. This is a huge part of the current issue and you fools that think this is how it works are running it for everyone. Work is what OP is doing during work hours. His wife is on leave. On leave, you are home to handle the child care. If she can’t handle the older child, the solution is not to halve their income, it’s to hire child care. This is simple. You’re being unrealistic and crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to see your wife's perspective. She's postpartum and sleep deprived and you should be more understanding. Stop thinking of what you do as "helping out"-- that means you see the household and the kids as primarily her responsibility. Think of it as doing a fair share and being a good parent, which is both of your responsibility. Her day was disrupted and made much more difficult, and you just shrugged and left her to it? Yeah, that's not being a good husband.

She wants to pick up the 4yo at a consistent time because she's tired of being functionally alone at home with a baby. And because she wants to start the evening routine, because there's dinner and whatever else such as bath, and then she has to nurse, and then bedtime which can be difficult, and then it isn't very long until she has to wake up in the night. It's almost as if-- get this-- there are two shifts in the day and at 5 PM she's starting her second shift.

She's thinking about going back to work. She's thinking how will all the household and parenting stuff get done-- that's why she's sensitive with you about household chores. Are you thinking about these things? Because you should be. If you're constantly claiming that you can't stop work on time, does she also get to work late and have you pick up the slack? Does she also get to go on multi-day work trips? Because it seems like you're claiming a lot of priority and flexibility for yourself here, and it doesn't even occur to you that this is a two-way street.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. She sounds nuts. Why have you put up with her for this long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

You’re f’in ridiculous. OP has to work. They have kids. Employers aren’t paying people to have kid time. This is a huge part of the current issue and you fools that think this is how it works are running it for everyone. Work is what OP is doing during work hours. His wife is on leave. On leave, you are home to handle the child care. If she can’t handle the older child, the solution is not to halve their income, it’s to hire child care. This is simple. You’re being unrealistic and crazy.

Maternity leave IS work and his wife is almost certainly trying to figure out the balance once she returns to work and the baby is cluster feeding nonstop.

Yes, paid work can’t be interrupted during the day but OP doesn’t get a free pass for middle of the night wakeups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

You’re f’in ridiculous. OP has to work. They have kids. Employers aren’t paying people to have kid time. This is a huge part of the current issue and you fools that think this is how it works are running it for everyone. Work is what OP is doing during work hours. His wife is on leave. On leave, you are home to handle the child care. If she can’t handle the older child, the solution is not to halve their income, it’s to hire child care. This is simple. You’re being unrealistic and crazy.

Maternity leave IS work and his wife is almost certainly trying to figure out the balance once she returns to work and the baby is cluster feeding nonstop.

Yes, paid work can’t be interrupted during the day but OP doesn’t get a free pass for middle of the night wakeups.

It’s not work. And if she is BFing, and on leave, then yeah he likely gets a pass. During ML I wasn’t waking up at a set time so I did the night wake ups. Insisting on equality without reason is stupid and rigid and the only
Thing it promotes is divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

You’re f’in ridiculous. OP has to work. They have kids. Employers aren’t paying people to have kid time. This is a huge part of the current issue and you fools that think this is how it works are running it for everyone. Work is what OP is doing during work hours. His wife is on leave. On leave, you are home to handle the child care. If she can’t handle the older child, the solution is not to halve their income, it’s to hire child care. This is simple. You’re being unrealistic and crazy.

Maternity leave IS work and his wife is almost certainly trying to figure out the balance once she returns to work and the baby is cluster feeding nonstop.

Yes, paid work can’t be interrupted during the day but OP doesn’t get a free pass for middle of the night wakeups.

Let me guess, you outearn your husband and he’s terrified of you. Enjoy. You picked him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think it's odd that Op has time for typing all these paragraphs. And it could have been explained in one or two.

At midnight on a Saturday? No, I don't think it's odd. How busy are you usually at that time?

With a 3 month old? Why isn’t OP sleeping now to get in enough rest for the inevitable wake up? Or is OP not planning on handling it?

You’re f’in ridiculous. OP has to work. They have kids. Employers aren’t paying people to have kid time. This is a huge part of the current issue and you fools that think this is how it works are running it for everyone. Work is what OP is doing during work hours. His wife is on leave. On leave, you are home to handle the child care. If she can’t handle the older child, the solution is not to halve their income, it’s to hire child care. This is simple. You’re being unrealistic and crazy.

Maternity leave IS work and his wife is almost certainly trying to figure out the balance once she returns to work and the baby is cluster feeding nonstop.

Yes, paid work can’t be interrupted during the day but OP doesn’t get a free pass for middle of the night wakeups.

Of course he should.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is being ridiculous. But like many women of a certain generation she lives in a fantasy world and gets mad when reality interrupts that fantasy. In fantasy land you would spend the days snuggling on the couch, watching movies, eating charcuterie, taking strolls with the kids and get miraculous paid for a few blog posts that take no more than an hour each week.

She needs to grow the hell up.

And you guys need to invest in back up childcare