Teen-ternity Leave - Is this a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.parents.com/more-parents-leaving-work-to-support-their-teens-8407961

Have you or your friends taken leave or moved to a part-time schedule to take care of teens?

This is just literally what has always been the norm for hundreds of years until relatively recently.

Being a stay-at-home-mom.

It can suck, but it is what it is. Why do you think birthrates go down in high income countries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand this unless you are going to homeschool.

My kids are gone at 7am, school all day, after school activities and home at 6 or 7 or 8. They have maybe an hour before they are doing homework.

A child having a mental health breakdown is not a teen-ternity that is sick leave or time off for medical reasons.

I have one in high school, one middle school, and one in elementary. The two teens are extremely labor intensive. They have an academic program outside of their home school I have to drive them to in the middle of the day. They finish regular school at 2:15. Their activities and sports aren’t at school. I have to pick them up (separately) and do various drop offs and pick ups between the three of them through the afternoon and evening, every single day. I try to have dinner mostly done before I leave for pickup. I have to bring them something to eat for immediately after school in the car, plus whatever sports gear they need. Then there is the homework; sometimes helping with homework, sometimes just following up to make sure it got done. Then at night they want a second dinner late and like me to stay up with them and chat while they eat and then again while they get ready for bed. It’s a lot.

None of that specifically requires a parent though, vs a nanny. I don’t care that you choose to do it, but it’s no different than the parents saying anyone can care for a baby/toddler.

Not at all. A nanny or random person from care.com has zero interest in your kid or their development and well being. They are not at all invested. They are just driving and collecting cash.

[Anonymous]

I did this when my kids were 7 and 9 grades. The carpool for sports became overwhelming. The homework help a bit and what I realized was just stuff to do - the kids eat more so I'm shopping and cooking all the time lol even though my kids actually are good at making their own breakfasts for dinner and they actually can do a lot big themselves.

I think a lot has to do with private/public - ours do private and it's a lot of sports and for myself I just couldn't balance a management position with it all. I agree that my older kid really isn't home much but for my MS kid yeah it's the activities. While I suppose I could hire a driver though I really don't know where you find one for just this kind of activity driving - it really does make sense I do it myself in the context of her age. I want to hear about her day and her friend groups. It's less being involved and more that she knows I'm there to listen and I am aware, I'm around if she needs me. It's psychological.

I also think a lot have to do with kids' personalities - my older has learning disabilities and my younger has social anxiety so they aren't totally easy kids.

I think I'll prob return to work next year so it's less than 2 yrs total I want to take off but for me I feel better about things. It's a lot not just for them but me too! Pretty soon they will be out of the house and won't talk to me prob at all! I just wanted 1-2 years to focus on them and myself.

There's no right or wrong but I would say as someone who had a nanny when they were younger, it's the MS years that you see these needs from parents - the younger years you really can get by on help. When they are old enough to know it's hired help v their parents - that's when it matters who is giving them attention. The elementary years are def easiest for us. It's truly just the MS years and maybe the transition into 9th esp in Pvt school which is totally difft than public setting - as a parent with experience in both - I can easily see that the latter doesn't require as much esp if you have 2 or less kids and they are on the easy side. Otherwise yeah, it's the right thing to do as a parent, it really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand this unless you are going to homeschool.

My kids are gone at 7am, school all day, after school activities and home at 6 or 7 or 8. They have maybe an hour before they are doing homework.

A child having a mental health breakdown is not a teen-ternity that is sick leave or time off for medical reasons.

I have one in high school, one middle school, and one in elementary. The two teens are extremely labor intensive. They have an academic program outside of their home school I have to drive them to in the middle of the day. They finish regular school at 2:15. Their activities and sports aren’t at school. I have to pick them up (separately) and do various drop offs and pick ups between the three of them through the afternoon and evening, every single day. I try to have dinner mostly done before I leave for pickup. I have to bring them something to eat for immediately after school in the car, plus whatever sports gear they need. Then there is the homework; sometimes helping with homework, sometimes just following up to make sure it got done. Then at night they want a second dinner late and like me to stay up with them and chat while they eat and then again while they get ready for bed. It’s a lot.

None of that specifically requires a parent though, vs a nanny. I don’t care that you choose to do it, but it’s no different than the parents saying anyone can care for a baby/toddler.

Not at all. A nanny or random person from care.com has zero interest in your kid or their development and well being. They are not at all invested. They are just driving and collecting cash.

I’m the pp and a long time SAHM. I’m simply pointing out that the argument that teens need you more than toddlers is incorrect and silly. They all need you. Plenty of people hire it out. But there is no “better” time to SAHM. When moms quit with teens (after working when the kids were babies) that just tells me they were too scared to SAH when it was physically demanding and only want to do it now when they can have the whole school day off. It’s like the bird mom coming back at the end of Horton Hatches an Egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our society has it reversed. Kids need a parent at home more in middle and high school than pre/elem. BTDT.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I had my DD, I was told that kids need parents more during teen years than newborn.

They lied to you. I am sorry.

Absolutely did not. Parenting during tween/teen years is far more impactful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I had my DD, I was told that kids need parents more during teen years than newborn.

They lied to you. I am sorry.

Absolutely did not. Parenting during tween/teen years is far more impactful.

How do you know? You weren’t there for the early stuff. Both are important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society has it reversed. Kids need a parent at home more in middle and high school than pre/elem. BTDT.

+100

The moms I know who say this could never have handled caring for their toddlers all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand this unless you are going to homeschool.

My kids are gone at 7am, school all day, after school activities and home at 6 or 7 or 8. They have maybe an hour before they are doing homework.

A child having a mental health breakdown is not a teen-ternity that is sick leave or time off for medical reasons.

I have one in high school, one middle school, and one in elementary. The two teens are extremely labor intensive. They have an academic program outside of their home school I have to drive them to in the middle of the day. They finish regular school at 2:15. Their activities and sports aren’t at school. I have to pick them up (separately) and do various drop offs and pick ups between the three of them through the afternoon and evening, every single day. I try to have dinner mostly done before I leave for pickup. I have to bring them something to eat for immediately after school in the car, plus whatever sports gear they need. Then there is the homework; sometimes helping with homework, sometimes just following up to make sure it got done. Then at night they want a second dinner late and like me to stay up with them and chat while they eat and then again while they get ready for bed. It’s a lot.

None of that specifically requires a parent though, vs a nanny. I don’t care that you choose to do it, but it’s no different than the parents saying anyone can care for a baby/toddler.

Not at all. A nanny or random person from care.com has zero interest in your kid or their development and well being. They are not at all invested. They are just driving and collecting cash.

I’m the pp and a long time SAHM. I’m simply pointing out that the argument that teens need you more than toddlers is incorrect and silly. They all need you. Plenty of people hire it out. But there is no “better” time to SAHM. When moms quit with teens (after working when the kids were babies) that just tells me they were too scared to SAH when it was physically demanding and only want to do it now when they can have the whole school day off. It’s like the bird mom coming back at the end of Horton Hatches an Egg.

How mean of you to say that. Many are only able to SAHM later in life when they have more stability. Others, have less energy to juggle later in life. Etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand this unless you are going to homeschool.

My kids are gone at 7am, school all day, after school activities and home at 6 or 7 or 8. They have maybe an hour before they are doing homework.

A child having a mental health breakdown is not a teen-ternity that is sick leave or time off for medical reasons.

I have one in high school, one middle school, and one in elementary. The two teens are extremely labor intensive. They have an academic program outside of their home school I have to drive them to in the middle of the day. They finish regular school at 2:15. Their activities and sports aren’t at school. I have to pick them up (separately) and do various drop offs and pick ups between the three of them through the afternoon and evening, every single day. I try to have dinner mostly done before I leave for pickup. I have to bring them something to eat for immediately after school in the car, plus whatever sports gear they need. Then there is the homework; sometimes helping with homework, sometimes just following up to make sure it got done. Then at night they want a second dinner late and like me to stay up with them and chat while they eat and then again while they get ready for bed. It’s a lot.

None of that specifically requires a parent though, vs a nanny. I don’t care that you choose to do it, but it’s no different than the parents saying anyone can care for a baby/toddler.

Not at all. A nanny or random person from care.com has zero interest in your kid or their development and well being. They are not at all invested. They are just driving and collecting cash.

I’m the pp and a long time SAHM. I’m simply pointing out that the argument that teens need you more than toddlers is incorrect and silly. They all need you. Plenty of people hire it out. But there is no “better” time to SAHM. When moms quit with teens (after working when the kids were babies) that just tells me they were too scared to SAH when it was physically demanding and only want to do it now when they can have the whole school day off. It’s like the bird mom coming back at the end of Horton Hatches an Egg.

How mean of you to say that. Many are only able to SAHM later in life when they have more stability. Others, have less energy to juggle later in life. Etc etc

Mean is right! I was a stay at home mom when my kids were toddlers. I don’t think that makes me a better parent than someone that worked. I can’t imagine thinking that I understood everyone’s career or financial situations or motivations. Ignore this person. She has some issues and wants to start mommy wars.

[Anonymous]

People do what they need to do and often can afford to do. DH and I have flexible jobs and someone is typically present in the home after school. It has helped being there during the turbulent middle school years. We chose to move into a smaller house near DD's school so she can walk to and from most days and friends can stop by at the last-minute, cutting down on some logistical issues. We are far less stressed than many other parents we know, and we pick up the slack and help the other kids whose parents have more demanding schedules because it takes a village to raise kids. We don't consider ourselves saints but appreciate the time we have to check-in with our child and/or friends after school etc. and have a fairly stable and consistent schedule.

[Anonymous]

Listen, let’s encourage and cheer for the parents making the difficult decision to focus more time on their kids, no matter when it happens. The kids need their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my part time job because my teen daughter needs me. I don’t think it’s that unusual. Did someone try and make a name for it?

What?! What needs as a teen did she have that you had to quit a PT job for?

Yes this is very unusual unless you were using her as an excuse to not work.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I honestly work more now because college costs are so high (and keep going up a lot every year).

[Anonymous]

Kids benefit more from a having a parent at home for the entirety of childhood. They just do. You cannot make up for this completely with hired help. No one is going to invest and care about your child like a parent would. But that doesn’t work for a lot of families for many reasons, and that is ok too.