Teen-ternity Leave - Is this a thing?

[Anonymous]

Man, I swear the tween/teen years are more work than the baby/infant years from the perspective that you can't really just hire a nanny. As a parent, that's when you actually have to step up and parent cause your kids know who you are. So you are the one who has to carpool, spend the time with them, talk with them, it's time over money because it's totally relationship based v. when they don't really know you, it's transactional keeping them alive physically! LOL

I have taken the last year off with a 13 and 15 year old, one of whom has a learning disability with both in private school. It's definitely not like I've just had a ton of free time and boredom on my hands. It's work to be a parent. I don't get the American culture that doesn't realize how much responsibility comes with raising human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, I swear the tween/teen years are more work than the baby/infant years from the perspective that you can't really just hire a nanny. As a parent, that's when you actually have to step up and parent cause your kids know who you are. So you are the one who has to carpool, spend the time with them, talk with them, it's time over money because it's totally relationship based v. when they don't really know you, it's transactional keeping them alive physically! LOL

I have taken the last year off with a 13 and 15 year old, one of whom has a learning disability with both in private school. It's definitely not like I've just had a ton of free time and boredom on my hands. It's work to be a parent. I don't get the American culture that doesn't realize how much responsibility comes with raising human beings.

When people ask you what you are doing/why quit, do you say staying home with or for kids? Or do you say just taking a break from work? Curious what you say and reactions you get as hear more that teen years is when some start to go back to work v stop. For what worth, I get stepping back or changing work for teen years if can/want to if for no other reason that until kids can drive themselves, helps with the earlier school releases and if managing transport to activities at different places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, I swear the tween/teen years are more work than the baby/infant years from the perspective that you can't really just hire a nanny. As a parent, that's when you actually have to step up and parent cause your kids know who you are. So you are the one who has to carpool, spend the time with them, talk with them, it's time over money because it's totally relationship based v. when they don't really know you, it's transactional keeping them alive physically! LOL

I have taken the last year off with a 13 and 15 year old, one of whom has a learning disability with both in private school. It's definitely not like I've just had a ton of free time and boredom on my hands. It's work to be a parent. I don't get the American culture that doesn't realize how much responsibility comes with raising human beings.

Because other people do it while working full-time and deal with all the challenges and stress. They want others to deal with the same stress I think. The specifics never matter in those discussions, judgments flow freely and attempts at lowering stress are frowned upon. Some just like to flex because they juggle it all easily so you should too, some are struggling so you should too, and some have an empirical view of gender obligations towards work life equality so you should too. Nevermind, any individuation, do more, be more all the time, don't stop, don't complain, keep on fitting my mold of approval.

[Anonymous]

Our society has it reversed. Kids need a parent at home more in middle and high school than pre/elem. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

I'm grateful to have a full-time remote job that allows me to be around more for my teens. I would not enjoy having an in-office job right now.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to work FT until my teens are college. I SAH fully until the youngest was in upper elementary and then went back part time. I don't make much but my husband earns good money has a lot of evening events for business development. We don't have lavish spending. Its what I can handle right now.

PS: can all the MS/HS teachers stop telling the kids they need to bring food for an impromptu class holiday party with 24 hours notice? My 8th grader is having THREE last minute "class parties" this week and needs to "bring something" for each. I found out this morning. Geez!

[Anonymous]

I was dying as a single parent working remotely with primary custody of three teens. I realized that since my finances allowed, it made sense for me to transition to part time work so that I could be more present as they will all be leaving the nest soon. I love being able to attend their sports and be more relaxed and present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our society has it reversed. Kids need a parent at home more in middle and high school than pre/elem. BTDT.

I never wanted to stay at home when my kids were babies, but I would love too now. I telework full time but feel like there are so many more demands on my schedule now. Plus, I can't just put them to bed at 7pm. I am glad that I work at home and can be home afterschool for the kids (and go to school when I need to) but I am so much exhausted now. Doesn't help that I am 15 years older I guess lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I also stayed in a very flexible position that let me (very fortunately) set my own hours, work from home occasionally, etc.

That said, not always being available to your kids is a good thing too. Mine learned a lot of independence when they had to figure it out.

+1 both my spouse and I wfh. Two teens + lots of activities = lots of driving around.

Our younger teen now has a couple of different therapies, so between the appointments, activities, and shuttling them to/from their PT job, we are constantly on the road.

Once the kid starts driving, and if you trust them with your car, it does ease up.

But then there's the college apps. Oi. At least this is our last kid. Then, we are done. sigh.

[Anonymous]

It’s called parenting. Period.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why more parents don't do this. It makes no sense to stay home with the kids when they're young and go back to work once the kids are old enough to be home alone. It's when they're old enough to be home alone that they can get in the most mischief!

Everything I did bad in HS went down after school at a house where parents weren't home because they were working.

DW gets off work at 2:00 so she's always been home with the kids after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why more parents don't do this. It makes no sense to stay home with the kids when they're young and go back to work once the kids are old enough to be home alone. It's when they're old enough to be home alone that they can get in the most mischief!

Everything I did bad in HS went down after school at a house where parents weren't home because they were working.

DW gets off work at 2:00 so she's always been home with the kids after school.

I cranked in my job when kids little and banked salary and work experience/climbed ladder as best could so could at least try to be in more flexible work situation once older. I am glad I did, but did get a LOT of judgment for “how can you leave your babies” when went back after FMLA period. Also I probably couldn’t have as easily made choice to go back to work then if I didn’t fully trust the daycare situation I had, but I knew 100% that kids were safe and massively loved while I was at work. It’s all a balancing act and as someone says above, will always be someone there to judge you whatever choose so just need to be comfortable with what works for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My cousin did this nearly 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am not able to do it, I do think there are benefits to being a part-time working parent when kids are entering 6th-7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I also stayed in a very flexible position that let me (very fortunately) set my own hours, work from home occasionally, etc.

That said, not always being available to your kids is a good thing too. Mine learned a lot of independence when they had to figure it out.

Kids can learn independence even when you are around.